The short version of this post has already appeared on my Facebook page—that glorious cyber-venue that has kindly forced me to cut to the chase and just say it in 849 characters or less (or they amputate with a hacksaw and plug in “See more” plus those three dubious dots that most who live with dignity and purpose won’t touch).
Right here. Facebook post/cut-to-the-chase version:
I'm fascinated by the outright aversion people sometimes feel toward the concept of self-love. Like it's a weird, freaky, even shameful thing to indulge in. If this is you, I invite you to the least gushy version of self-love you can scooch into. Don't imagine a beatific face beaming at you & telling you you're a perfect divine nugget-beam of love & light. How about just sitting kindly, even neutrally, with what you're hating right now, whatever you disapprove of or think isn't okay about a sensation inside you, a story of you, a cringy glimpse of yourself someone else tossed your way when you weren’t ready to duck? Could you just watch that dispassionately & tell yourself, “Hey, typical human stuff, Self. It's okay. There’s nothing wrong with you.” The beginning of the end of self-abandonment.
I could now go for more brief instead of expounding. Haiku anyone? (Zee?)
Dabbing my heart clean--
Fool to have poured honey there.
Damn tissue in shreds.
Bullet points, then (because there’s always more to say, isn’t there, especially about what it means not to abandon yourself ever again, and bullets can make a bunch of brief points in a row):
What does it even mean to abandon yourself?
You’re in self-abandonment when
Simple antidotes? In a nutshell, stave off self-abandonment by living in self-honoring ways and responding quickly when something feels off.
Catch yourself in self-abandonment—kindly, not harshly. Appreciate that you’re getting conscious about what needs your conscious attention. This allows you to course-correct quickly.
Don’t allow momentum to build where bad feelings are concerned.Respond to them more quickly at ever more subtle levels. Interrupt what doesn't work for you and go for what feels truer and better.
Tell the truth to others. Have boundaries and speak them to others whether they’re thrilled with them or not. Don’t drop your boundaries when people push against them, and don’t freak out, either. That’s what people do, so someone will; no need to take it personally. But there’s a great need—your own well-being and authentic living are at stake—for you to hold any boundary that you’ve gotten clear about needing to draw. (Need a coach for boundaries? Well, I could be that coach. There’s also my friend and colleague Kelli Younglove, who has a special gift with this topic.)
Put yourself to bed kindly, so you can wake up trusting life, and trusting that you’re on your own side.
Remember who you are, and don’t buy old stories from others. (Watch the family-of-origin definitions coming at you, and duck! When you need to, stay away entirely. You get to define you.)
Be willing to show up for whatever's happening. I'll close with an illustration of this point from Facebook, posted last May:
I refuse to carry around the feeling that this shouldn't be happening, this day shouldn't be going how it's going, this snafu is such a detour or setback, etc. etc. If it's happening, here it is. I want to align with it. I know I'm not aligned if I feel frustrated, I'm frowning or tensing, I'm getting irritated with human beings. Catching any of these is my cue to pause, reset, allow. What's happening is what's happening, never mind how unpleasant, unexpected, unwanted. I trust that whatever life hands me is worthwhile for me to give myself to. What could I benefit from letting go? The illusion of control, the religion of efficiency, the expectation customer-service people should make it all better at once? I want to show up for that. I want to show up for my life, wherever it takes me right now.
Keep showing up for yourself, whatever’s up, however you feel: self-abandonment no more.
Love & blessings, Jaya
Give It a Rest:Get Your Sleep Back by Letting It Go
Click here or on sleeping heron to go to my 8-week course page to learn about my radical approach to meeting sleeplessness with nonresistance
Listen to a 60-minute teleconference on the topic of lying awake to rest and meet consciousness, not to struggle with sleep as you desperately seek to force what you can't control.
I need your help.
Please? Will you give me a moment to engage with the following to see if you might be able to lend the support I'm after?
I need people to send me people who struggle with sleep. This is time-sensitive. I'm on a mission to support those folks in the end of suffering and I have a structured plan that starts this week that I'd like to share with you.
Here are the facts.
Give It a Rest: Get Your Sleep Back by Letting It Go
An 8-week course, October 25 - December 13, 2017
One-time pilot price: $200
(A sliding scale is still available because I not only want participants, I want people who need this to get it.)
Format: 90-minute teleconference calls weekly (you can be present from 7:30 to 9 pm ET or get it on replay link), with supporting materials, opportunities to practice & experiment in between, a closed FB group for posting and getting answers to questions (I'll be there almost daily; I'll also take those questions to the teleconference calls) and for sharing experience & wisdom among participants.
#1. Wednesday, October 25
Lying awake: Getting behind the intention to meet consciousness
Mindset supports for this grand experiment
#2. Wednesday, November 1
Practical supports & practice for getting through the night
Lots of Q-and-A for deepening the concepts & fine-tuning the practice
#3. Wednesday, November 8
Moving through the day while sleep-deprived: mindsets & practice
#4. Wednesday, November 15
1) Working on beliefs that create suffering where it doesn’t need to be
2) A look at your dormant issues: What do you need to wake up to?
#5. SKIP NOVEMBER 22 FOR THANKSGIVING.
I'll still answer questions in the FB group so that you have ongoing support and keep moving forward. I'll also use FB live videos in the group to make sure I offer you the chance to connect throughout that week.
#6. Wednesday, November 29
Q-and-A call for what you most want further help with
Ask me anything to help you understand, integrate, and apply all we've covered and all you've been practicing. I'll draw on questions posted on FB group or sent to me by email as well so that those who can't be present can have their concerns addressed. If you haven't revved back up since Thanksgiving break, you can show up for this call (or listen to the replay link) practically brain-dead, and you'll get some potent reminders and more support! No new homework except to carry on with the application.
#7. Wednesday, December 6
Beyond sleeplessness and sleep deprivation: Translating these principles to a more conscious way of living in hardship and ease equally
#8. Wednesday, December 13
Securing your independence with new mindsets and concepts.
Ways you can help: You could forward this mailing to someone or send them to this page on my 8-week course on sleeplessness on my website. Tell them the time is now: it starts Wednesday! Tell them what you think of my work or my programs. Whatever direct experience you've had of me, that's what will get them to pay attention instead of just hearing this as one more potentially beautiful and worthwhile or even amazing thing calling for their attention amidst the cacophony. Let them know in clear terms why you recommend me.
I've just opened registration, and I aim to run the class even if literally one person signs up (though—hooray—I'm already past that!). The reason is that I want to perfect this material now, and I need live, engaged human beings with whom I can do that. I can hardly wait to meet their resistance, answer their questions, support their tender process even when they can barely function and think they're hanging by a thread.
I'm charging $200 (at least half what it will cost next time) precisely because it's a pilot class. It will be worth much more than that to participants, that I can guarantee, and it will be priceless for me. And if someone can't pay that much, I'll slide the scale way, way down. Just ask.
This course invites people to make of their current sleep struggle a spiritual boot camp to play with principles and practices that will support them for the rest of their lives in all circumstancesacross the spectrum of human reality, in all its flavors and levels of intensity. This is gorgeous, priceless material. It's all I do (write about, coach about, live, breathe) applied specifically and super directly to what happens when you're lying awake or moving through a challenging day in the grips of sensations related to sleep deprivation.
I talk often about how one of life's jobs is to push us to our walls—those places where we stop applying our own belief system or experimenting with whatever we've been playing with lately to move toward consciousness or come closer to who we want to be.Life asks us, Will you apply it here too, dear one? Will you show up still willing to stay open and believe while it feels this bad and when you're out of control even to this extent? This course will support anyone who even partially intends a yes answer to those questions, even with no idea of what implementing that could look like.
I invite you to join me if you struggle with sleep. I invite you to send me one person you know who lives with that struggle, or can go there, or who's there now. Please help me align with those who need this. It hasn't worked to step out of my house and scream for them (okay, I didn't really try that).
I have a beautiful 60-minute audio of a free teleconference I did on this topic just last week. You could listen or send it to someone who may need it. This gives a single but sufficiently representative example of me speaking to the topic of encountering sleeplessness in a new and radical way. Check it out, or get it to someone who may want to.
Thank you, with all my heart. So many of you on this mailing list have richly blessed my world with your active participation in some aspect of what I do as a coach and presenter.If you're here at all, you're a blessing to me just for being a human being engaging with my work or writing on any level, even though it may be, as many teachers teach, that it's really all for me. I so appreciate your presence.