DO NOT CLAIM IT AND GET STUCK WITH IT

​Have you ever noticed that when you label something you notice in yourself, while it can be helpful and perhaps validating, you can also give it more power? This is a THING and this name PROVES THAT IT’S A THING. Worse, you may now feel sort of helpless or at the mercy of this big bugaboo with this serious name. FRAUD SYNDROME (also called impostor syndrome) is a great example of this.

Once you declare you have fraud syndrome (and keep talking about it and explaining it to people and to yourself), you stake down this sense of not being enough, not really fitting in here, not being valid in the role you’re playing or the task you’re fulfilling. What’s crazy (I mean, besides the fact that it’s simply not true) is that it’s likely you chose this playing field yourself! In other words, you want to be in it and you care about learning more here, perhaps even developing some level of mastery.

What if you simply noticed thoughts moving through that you might put in the FRAUD SYNDROME bin? What if you wrote them down or said them aloud and looked at what you’re actually saying? You can actually dismantle wrong thinking instead of reinforcing it by announcing to the next person that you have this cursed fraud syndrome thing.

What is it you’re saying?

• I’m not equal to this
• I’m not as good as people think I am
• I’m not fully qualified to be doing this
• I’m not on par with So and So [or everybody else or the people I’m comparing myself to]
• I’m in the wrong place
• I still have a lot to learn

That last statement is probably the only one that’s actually true. And it’s also not a problem and good to know.

What if you noticed and let it be okay that these thoughts are in the mix? You don’t have to believe them, though. You might make little of them. You can in fact work gently to move along your ideas of fraudulence instead of making identity out of them.

Fraud syndrome is so normal—which is why it’s been named and we’ve all heard of it. Everybody has it in some way or has felt it in some context. That doesn’t make it a useful or accurate or necessary label. It’s certainly not the best description of who you are and what you’re up to.

What follows from saying, in essence, I AM THAT? Only disempowered ways of being: you’ll tiptoe around hiding something, or puff up to compensate for something, or buck up to prove something. As a (not really but self-declared) fraud you’ll do SOMETHING wacky that serves no one, least of all you.

Like any- and everything else you might feel about yourself (e.g., confident, self-conscious, powerful, wobbly, happy, sad), the sense of being a fraud comes & goes. It has different levels of potency at different times. It’s not a solid thing you're stuck with; it’s not even objectively measurable.

In other words, it’s really, truly not worth the price of the label. Why would you set yourself up to live into or fight against such a thing?

You can ease and SOOTHE and counter and CLEAR OUT the sense of being a fraud. You can notice you're in that mentality and pivot quickly! Here are three seriously simple things you can do toward that end.

Thing 1. Ask yourself some judicious questions to get real with yourself:

• Am I engaged in some equivalent of selling lemons in a used car lot?
• Am I saying or implying I know everything in this realm or have all the answers?
• Am I claiming a level of training or experience I don’t actually have?
• Am I using someone else’s name or title?
• Am I using false credentials?
• Am I trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes?
• Am I lying about anything here?
• Am I being reckless or breaking laws in doing the task or work I’m doing at my current level of training or experience?

Actual answering these questions will have more power than walking around arguing for limitations by giving them the bogus title of FRAUD SYNDROME.

Thing 2. Be clear what it means to be a fraud and actually take in that you are not that! Tell yourself that nope, in fact you are not an impostor in any way, shape, or form.

Yes to the questions in the above bullet points would be cause for considering yourself a fraud (um, and then you could correct that, not worry about it).

Or check out and take in this definition of impostor from Merriam-Webster: “One that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception.” Not what you’re up to? Then you’re not a fraud. (If that is what you’re up to, either carry on or clean it up but there’s no label needed either way.)

Thing 3. Soften it. What’s truer than “I have fraud syndrome” or the thought underlying that, “I’m a fraud”? Restate it to yourself in softer, more accurate, more manageable terms:

• I haven’t yet attained the level of mastery I value and want to have
• I’m not as good at this as I’d like to be
• I intend to keep improving my knowledge and skill set over time
• I’m on a journey of becoming, and I actually want to keep growing
• I’m willing to say I don’t know and then, if applicable and wanted, to do some research and gather more information
• I’m teaching what I’m learning, and it’s potentially or actually good for all concerned
• I’m willing and even happy [proud, inspired] to be on this growth edge
• I’m currently out of my comfort zone and that means the zone is expanding, as it’s meant to over time
• I’m a work in progress and always will be, because I want to be a lifelong learner and I value my evolution

Does it feel better to think in these terms? Are you in fact being more real with yourself (and therefore with others) when you look again, beyond the label of fraud syndrome and a blind acceptance (and regurgitation) of that label?

You’re not a fraud. You’re on a valid journey of becoming. It's really about building muscles, gaining confidence over time as you try new things and move toward mastery all over again. I invite you to be willing to be in a growth process, to run experiments, and to play with trial-and-error knowing there will most certainly be errors along the way. Keep going if and because you love what you're up to! And gauge the improvement and evolution as you go, instead of constantly noticing what you haven’t yet attained.

Finally, feel like a badass more often. YOU ARE BADASS. If you think not—well, you get to be if you decide that and live into it.

Love & blessings, Jaya
For those who love or want to try Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT, or tapping), here's a session I did on Fraud Syndrome (13:46).

And here's another tapping session on Fraud Syndrome (15:09).

​Other typical power zappers (besides walking around thinking, speaking, and acting like you're a fraud) can be found here.

​Bottom line up front: If you’re surrendering from a place of alignment, it will not feel bad.

It will not feel like giving up. Not on yourself, not on your dreams, not on your becoming—which means your evolution, your greater expression of all that you are, your getting more of what you want.

It will not feel like defeat—and you will not feel like a loser or a failure.

It will not feel like a wet blanket, a rained-on parade, a burst bubble.

It won’t even feel like losing your agency.

The right kind of surrender, in fact, feels GOOD. It feels like RELIEF, like relaxation. Like contracted muscles softening, opening, dropping down.

It feels like the blessed end of unnecessary striving—most often, letting go of what you can’t possibly control, what was never yours to control in the first place.

It feels like a welcome-home, like coming back to yourself, back to your business. Back to what’s actually yours to manage, to control, to choose.

That’s why SURRENDER—the good kind—cannot be all-or-nothing. Be careful with questions like, Should I hold on (to this WHOLE THING) or surrender (this WHOLE THING)? In that great ball of wax, there are disparate bits to sort through: weighty bits that you could put down and lighter bits with your name on them that you could hold onto firmly with (at least some semblance of) competence and ease.

​In the aligned surrender, you still get to have choices.

In fact, you’ll have some decisions to make.

The decision-making gets way, way easier once you’re deciding from a place of sanity, not trying to manage the unmanageable. When you’re not arguing with reality (as Byron Katie puts it), not pushing against anything (as Abraham-Hicks repeatedly reminds us NOT to do to have the best life and greatest ease and fullest power to create), then you can stand solid, relaxed and aligned, on a firm foundation of seeing and accepting reality as it is.

From that foundation, you’re free to manage what’s yours to manage, and you simply keep letting go of the rest.

I chose the phrase keep letting go very intentionally. It’s important, even crucial.

I so often see super-smart human beings thinking in terms of pulling some plug to be done with something once and for all. Usually, their language betrays that they thought that would (or should) happen, as they speak especially in terms of still—as in, I’m still trying to convince the doctors to listen to me. I typically have my coaching clients reframe that in a heartbeat in session.

Just BRING IT TO NOW. Just be with your impulse to grab the reins of someone else’s horse again, and get really good at putting them back down as quickly as you catch yourself. Correct it in the moment, not in the whole of how you operate.

Hey, you do get to have a plug pulled sometimes, maybe from a powerful healing process or ritual; maybe through an epiphany or stroke of insight; maybe from a peak experience or some hellacious unwanted event that floors you and rocks your world, leaving you forever altered. But most of the time, the undoing, the reprogramming, the unraveling and rewiring—all involves what you notice now, pause with now, accept right now because it’s here right now.

In that conscious pause, you can find where to surrender and where to assert or simply choose. In the now-moment, you make your best choice within your control toward what you want and who you want to be, now and now and now. and now and now and …

So love, please don’t surrender out of a sense that you’re screwed and have lost all capacity to choose. In every situation or relationship or moment, there are areas of letting go and areas of holding fast. Let yourself feel the RELIEF of what you appropriately stop trying to control and the POWER and SATISFACTION of making all kinds of choices where they’re yours to make.

In fact, don’t abdicate the choices that are yours to make.

In a moment when you come close to where you do have agency, tune in: What’s important to you here? What do you want? (Not, what do others around you want or even want for you?)

This is your life. What you can’t control in it is not your business, so do surrender that. But that surrender will not be absolute; most absolute surrenders involve giving up and failing to locate your right agency. Locate your business here and now and find your power to choose, to act, to stay true to yourself. My dear one, be(come) someone who knows when and how to surrender and be(come) the one who chooses your life.

Love & blessings, Jaya
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Like it when someone reads to you? CLICK HERE FOR THE AUDIO VERSION OF THE GOOD KIND OF SURRENDER (6:20).