 Image of person’s face and shoulders bathed in glittery nightclub lights from Sarah Wolfe on Unsplash. Where do you stand toward where you stand right now? This is a bad idea: Focus on current conditions that are not to your liking—that need fixing, that bother you, that make your life feel like a grind, that stir up dread, that make you review history for what’s been wrong forever or what was lost, that pop you to a future with more of the same, etc, etc. (Follow that link if you want more on that.) This is a very good idea: Find what you already like about where you stand now, what your life is like right now, what feeds you and supports you and lights you up right now. These are bad and good ideas respectively not just in terms of determining how happy you are and how much you love or even appreciate your one wild and precious life. They also affect how and how quickly you get to where you’d prefer to be than where you find yourself right now. Feeling bad as a misguided motivator We don’t need to pathologize wanting change, wanting more, wanting things to be better. In fact, evolution and movement toward greater well-being are the way of this world, this Universe. That’s how it works. That will always be operative. We love taking things to the next level and improving on what we got to before. But in some weird, wobbly moment in time, human beings got it in their heads (and taught that idea to younger ones, and wrote it into books and scripts and songs, so that we all started to treat it as fact) that when we focus on what’s wrong, what’s missing, what needs to be fixed and improved, things will go better. Actually, when we focus on what feels bad to us, we feel bad. We cultivate dissatisfaction. We feel stuck and doubt our capacity to change things, or we notice factors that make change seem hard or complicated or unlikely. We lose track of what’s going well. We talk to others from that perspective and create vibes of complaining or criticism. It’s not pretty. That focus on WRONG actually doesn’t motivate us to move forward and create more of what we want. We do keep trying to make this warped tactic work, though. If you’re noticing now that you feel pretty married to that idea, or you’re pretty sure it’s a focus you’d better hang on to (I mean, it’s been really well-rehearsed and -reinforced), you might simply ask yourself whether there might be other and better motivators for creating the change you want and bettering things that aren’t as you want them to be. You don’t even need to locate and name the new motivators right away. Just open to the idea that kinder and more effective ones might actually exist, and they might serve you better.  Image of adult and baby gazing at each other in delight from Ben Iwara on Unsplash. Here’s what I know will serve you better
 Image of young person with hands and face informed by awe from Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash. Appreciate where you stand right now This is now. This is here. This is where you are. Notice what you like about this place. Notice how it serves you. Notice how much your needs are met. Notice that there’s laughter and beauty and functionality in every corner of the Universe, this one you’re in now included. Or as Abraham-Hicks says, there’s wanted and unwanted in every particle of the Universe—and they (A-H) constantly invite us to point toward or focus on the wanted. From feeling good about where you are, you can feel better still. From there, you can see what else is possible. You’ll be open to the inspired idea coming in, and you’ll have the wherewithal to follow the mental spark with physical action. From there, you’ve got enough of a good mood going and good energy stirring that you can notice one next simple thing to do to feel better better better, to like your life (job, relationship, home, kids, location, avocation) even more, to make this work a bit more smoothly, to help the dynamic ease with this person or that machine or this place. …  Image of cat luxuriating as human hand scratches under their chin from Yerlin Matu on Unsplash. I am not asking you to do anything I’m not doing myself. I live in the midwest right now, caring for my mom in the last phase of her life. I’m here until that’s no longer needed (unless I get different operating instructions as I go). I’ve believed I hate this part of the country, it’s landlocked and I love ocean, it’s conservative politically, it’s not the easiest place to be queer (Ithaca was that!), the topography is flat (boring). I could go on. But I don’t. Every day I love the birds I see. I gaze at the sky and remember that I’ve seen similar skies over the ocean, and think about how the ocean could be RIGHT THERE. I find dogs who want to greet me like a best friend. I visit nearby parks that feel great to me, and where I see not only dogs but blue and green herons, where I saw my first indigo bunting and first bright red summer tanager (and I’ve seen them more than once), where big ole turtles hang out on logs and cool snakes sometimes slither across the path. I’ve found some lovely and queer-friendly coffee shops with adorable baristas who remind me of my kids. I have fun making my mom laugh every day and getting involved with her in the convivial drama of The Great British Baking Show. I do my work by zoom and love it every day, every individual and group session. I play with art supplies daily. I listen to things that feel enlivening and elucidating, often in Spanish. Every day, I love my life. And every day, I believe it’s getting better. And one day, as I’ve done before, I’ll be writing you from somewhere I actually prefer, somewhere tropical, maybe, where English isn’t the first language. I’m on my way, I’m in my becoming, and where I am now is just fine. You’re on your way. You’re in your becoming. Where you are now is absolutely just fine. Love it, and love following any small thing you think of that would make things feel even better. That will INEVITABLY take you to larger such things. (The earlier Mary Oliver quote was … your one wild and precious life. It’s from The Summer Day. Did you get gold stars?) Love & blessings, Jaya
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METAPHOR #3 OF 3 FOR EASIER (hu)manifestation MANY INACCURATE MIRRORS WERE HELD UP FOR YOU EARLIER IN LIFE. STOP LOOKING INTO THOSE MIRRORS.  Image of a person's distorted reflection in multiple mirrors from Andrej Lisakov on Unsplash. YOU ARE NOT THAT FRAGMENTED.  Reflection of a person with a bicycle distorted in a round mirror. From yanping-ma on Unsplash. YOU ARE NOT THAT SMALL.  A person stands in a wooded area holding an antique mirror in front of their face. The mirror shows a distorted image of trees. From Natalia Blauth on Unsplash. YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE MISSING FROM THIS PICTURE.  A person holds the edge of a round side view mirror on a vehicle, looking at their distorted reflection. From Natalia Blauth on Unsplash. YOU ARE NOT THAT REDUCIBLE.  A distorted, upside down reflection of a human in a round mirror. From Jeremy Mura on Unsplash. YOU ARE NOT WRONG IN YOUR ORIENTATION.  A person's reflection in an ornate wall mirror seems distorted by smoke. From Baran Lotfollahi on Unsplash. YOU ARE NOT THAT INDISTINCT.  Image distorted mirroring from Brandon Grgigs on Unsplash. YOU ARE NOT THAT INCOHERENT. The mirrors were wrong. Stop looking into those mirrors. Stop telling the story of being that, NOT being that, being treated as that, still being treated as that, being victimized by that, being plagued by that, being stuck with that, being sick because of that, being unsuccessful because of that, having fraud syndrome because of that ... If you really want to get radical, stop telling the story even of needing to heal from that, needing to unlearn that, needing to fix or improve that. What mirror has felt beautiful, right, and good to you? What mirror has shown you the truth of who you are, the beauty that you are, the goodness that you cannot help but be? What mirror has filled you with compassion, appreciation, purpose, pleasure, well-being? Go to, hold up, stand in front of, linger with, recognize all the good mirrors life has held and is holding up for you. Be still with that each time it drops in, receive an accurate vision of yourself, even catch glimpses in passing as they pop in constantly. The more you look for them, or notice you’re seeing them or in retrospect did see them, the more they’ll show up. Be well. Be who you really are. Be here now. That’s your key to creating the life you really want going forward. Love & blessings, Jaya My first metaphor involved the story of my failed trip to Rome and the importance of the journey matching the destination. My second metaphor was about the revolving door of the mind and the injunction to keep concertedly heading toward what you WANT with your thoughts. METAPHOR #2 OF 3 FOR EASIER (hu)manifestation  Image of human beings moving through revolving door (with hill and trails beyond) from Derek Lee on Unsplash. Let’s say that what you’re after (something that matches a heartfelt desire) is in a beautiful building with a lovely revolving door as you enter. If you’re someone who’s more lit up by the outdoors, let’s say that beyond the revolving door, you access entry to a gorgeous, protected natural park where flora and fauna thrive, the hiking is lovely, and the vistas take your breath away. So you revolve about halfway around the entryway and emerge into the next space, right? That’s what you do because that’s how you’ll get to where you want to be. Or, I dunno, do you maybe go all the way around (like children might do just for fun), and then hesitate and go around again, and then start normalizing the circular run, and then just keep going round and round? Obviously, that would be foolish and you’re no idiot: you’re going to head toward where you want to be. BRINGING THE METAPHOR TO LIFE (and to creating what you want in your life) I want to call your attention to a ridiculously typical and normalized way of sabotaging your mental focus on what you want. (It’s also so easy to correct, but it does require that you realize you’re doing this and commit to correcting it!) Here’s how it goes in the mind.
 Image from house nestled in trees from Ivana Radević on Unsplash. Smart reader, you get the point, yeah? Point’s a good word. The mind points
Yep, the revolving door of the mind. I know it’s obvious, but let’s say it outright since MOST PEOPLE DON’T LIVE THIS WAY. Do you? What you want to do is keep pointing toward what you want. Develop mental thought habits and spoken speech habits of pointing only toward what you want! When you develop a predominant (not perfect!) mental focus on what you want, it naturally follows that you believe more and more that you can have it, that it’s on the way, that you know what to do to head in the right direction. You catch the inspired actions that pop in as inner guidance, or the external pointers that strike you as just right or you or pique your curiosity enough to send you exploring. That’s also inner guidance, because what matters most is how the thing coming in from outside (as advice or a website you stumbled on or a book title that you keep hearing) must spark some resonance inside for it to have any meaning for you at all. You’ll find how to go into a huge project or creation at your point of least resistance and keep going in that mode as momentum builds—so that each step feels relatively easy and you don’t get sucked into overwhelm about the whole big picture. When you’re committed to keeping your thoughts going in the direction of what you want, you’ll be quicker to catch the thoughts that don’t match (the ones that will suck you back to the endlessly revolving door) and you’ll get off the topic or reach for a process to get your focus where you want it again. (I love me a focus wheel for putting a fine point on my focus, especially in the morning or whenever I feel a wobble, and the marble game’s fantastic for calling forth the thoughts and beliefs that will serve what you’re after—both from Abraham Hicks.) Point toward what you want! Interrupt what points the other way. Reach for any help to get to a better-feeling place and refocus the mind. You’ve got this. Love & blessings, Jaya Manifestation metaphor #1 is about having the journey match the destination. Manifestation metaphor #3 is about warped mirrors held up for you. METAPHOR #1 OF 3 FOR EASIER (hu)manifestation  Photo of Trevi Fountain from Michele Bitetto on Unsplash. I’ll be dropping 3 metaphors for you to fine-tune your power to create what you want on your own. STORYTIME! My 19-year-old trip to Rome I got to do a year abroad in Strasbourg, France, during my second year of college, not the usual junior year, because I was already fluent in French. That was a later gift from having spent years of childhood in a small village in Normandy. So, like most American students there, I got the cheapest Euro-train pass then available and did some traveling during school breaks. I got to have a super-satisfying trip to Florence (one reason A Room with a View is a film I keep watching) with a few Americans from my program, so I headed to the tip of Italy with one of them to fairy across to Greece. After a sweaty, crowded train ride that lasted too many hours, my companion got anxious about school and headed back to Strasbourg. Crossing into another country alone felt beyond my reach, so I ended up on a late-night train to Rome on my own. I was already in love with Italy, I had train and hostel systems down, so what could go wrong, right? Hey, a bunch of my readers have bodies containing a uterus, and others know people who do, so I’m not holding back here. I started bleeding during the night with the usual copious flow and woke up—um, how do you say …?—a hot mess. I tied a sweater around my waist and hoped I didn’t smell like fresh road kill to other travelers. I was quietly mortified, huddled on the edge of a train car filled chiefly with men speaking other languages. In my mind, they were surely discussing the atrocity of me. So here’s a summary of my abysmal trip to Rome for your metaphorical pleasure. I checked in at the hostel and right away happened upon someone I knew there, probably my least favorite American in our study-abroad group. She was an insecure chick with flyaway hair (let’s call her Fly) who talked too much and too nervously, lingering in eddies of details that invariably circled around to self-deprecation. But yay, someone familiar. I got cleaned up and struck out alone to get a quick glimpse of the Trevi Fountain—an amazing sight, to be sure, but I hadn’t shaken off my journey. Cloaked in the shame I wore in, I felt unworthy of viewing this wonder so I gazed quietly from a safe distance, a party crasher hugging the wall by the exit. Then I met up with Fly to go out on the town, though not exactly in high spirits. Somehow (I don’t remember how), we ended up going along with two charming Italian guys proposing in broken English to show us the Coliseum. I can still picture us standing on the Rome metro as I gripped some steadying bar and glimpsed suspiciously at the undeniably gorgeous guy I’d been paired with. The pairings happened instantly and wordlessly between the two men based on who’s-hotter rules that didn’t need speaking. I’ll mention I was the beautiful one because I now know that meant nothing but this: there I was giving some false impression of my value, the truth of which would surely soon expose me as a fraud. This unspoken sensation was more destabilizing than the jolts of the city train rushing me to what had to be the next humiliation. (Don’t worry, no trigger warning needed for what follows.) Turns out the Coliseum, a stunning, still light show in the night, was and perhaps still is a popular make-out place. The guys weren’t proposing to be tour guides (I know you’re shocked). Though I had no sense of personal power at the time, it also turned out that these hormone-driven dudes meant no harm, so Fly and I took some easy exit stage left (details elude me here too) and went on our way without further escort. The next day, I braved one more solo venture, putting myself on a train back to Strasbourg. Fly saw me off from the hostel breakfast room, mentioning to her coffee that she knew from the start I wouldn’t last. My trip to one of Europe’s most desirable cities was a conspicuous failure, and so was I.  Image from back of train of view of train taking a curve through a country setting from Tushar Ranjan on Unsplash. And the point is? Mind that the journeys you take match the destinations. We human beings take harrowing journeys all the time on the way to the very places where we wish to have wonderful, fulfilling, satisfying experiences. Have you done this? I invite you to actually answer that question and find where you’ve innocently used this misguided tactic. Let me jog your brain a bit. You looked (or are looking) for a romantic/primary partner (you know, the one you want to have a harmonious, fun, and connected relationship with) while
You worked or are working at a decent job with the intention of getting a promotion into a position you really want (the one that will feel like a joy to walk into daily) while
You wanted or want to get a more solid footing financially (to feel at ease, competent in your adulting, free to make some choices for a good life) and sought or seek to do that while
Like the other LOA principles I talk and write about, I got this from Abraham-Hicks: How can you expect to have a beautiful outcome to a horrendous journey? It’s a good question that begs a few others:
My time in Rome was just as unpleasant as my journey there, and my view of myself and mental climate rode in on the train with me and didn’t let me go just because Rome is Rome. And the familiar person I found there wasn’t a fun and wonderful person I was thrilled to see, but the self-deprecating worm of a person who reflected what I was feeling myself to be. Fly was actually my perfect match, the just-right impromptu traveling companion for me in that moment. I did get the benefits of not being all alone on foreign ground while on my most wobbly footing, but the person who showed up only confirmed how I was viewing myself and my prospects for a positive experience then and there. This is LOA in action. It’s not life trying to be cruel or punitive. It’s just the law of like attracts like. I invite you to stop trying to get to a high place with your focus, mood, thoughts, self-image, view of others, conversation (etc, etc) aimed low where it’s dingy and grimy! That just called to mind the old line from Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, remember? There’s plenty like me to be found—mongrels, who ain’t got a penny, sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground. LOA, folks. Mongrels find mongrels. Miserable journeys yield miserable ends. Please don’t set yourself up to arrive in paradise with your hackles up and your blood pressure through the roof. It really doesn’t work that way. Interrupt and soothe any focus that feels unlike what you’re after. Get to where you’re going while reaching constantly for the same feeling and mindset you wish to have once you’re there. ENJOY THE JOURNEY. This isn’t that hard. It really helps if you’re committed to and keep practicing feeling good, then you’ll interrupt more quickly what doesn’t and you’ll head that way again swiftly, now and now and now. I know I’m asking a lot: practice feeling better as you head toward what you think will feel better. Love & blessings, Jaya Manifestation metaphor #2 addresses the revolving door of the resistant mind. Manifestation metaphor #3 points out the old warped mirrors held up for you. |
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