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Because You Are!  Pic of a person bending to carry a large clock on their back from Getty Images on Unsplash. My aim in this writing is to support you to shake free of the (just plain wrong) mindset that you’re not doing enough and to anchor you instead in the orchestration—which means you’re not alone, something bigger than you is holding the whole picture, and you actually need to let go more, not figure out how to do more. The Orchestration There’s something bigger than you orchestrating things, holding the whole, and constantly bringing component parts together. Do you believe that? The rest of this writing presumes that you do—or that you’re curious about or open to experimenting with that way of seeing things. One of my favorite ramifications of the orchestration is this: It’s not all on you. It’s not all up to you. When I started my experiments in consciousness at a whole new level two decades ago, I was only just open to considering such a thing. I could only consider this if framed as an experiment. I’ve long since believed it every day and still see constant evidence of it. One of my least-favorite ramifications of the mindset that leaves out the orchestration is this: you perpetually feel like you should be doing more, there’s so much more to do, you’re not doing enough. It’s so … unrestful (for starters). It’s fully acceptable culturally to spout off a bunch of lies about time—not enough hours in the day, more to do than there is time to do it in. (If you think about it, that’s all insane.) No one looks baffled or even blinks when someone declares that they’re running around like a chicken with their head cut off (?!!). No shock or dismay goes round the table when someone having a lovely meal with friends says they just can’t get ahead. I invite you to stop accepting this as normal. It’s not. You do not have to do more than you can actually do. You don’t need to have your antennae out all the time checking for, checking out, checking in with the whole and the parts. You don’t have to precisely because that larger force or intelligence is orchestrating things. It is, in fact, NOT all on you. Be Here Now (don’t yawn, please) It was cute & popular in the eighties in spiritual circles and just-trending yoga classes and a burgeoning literature of consciousness to say thing like Be here now. There’s nowhere else you need to be. There’s nothing else you need to be doing. Well, that was just the beginning, folks. Shall we move along in our evolution? Let’s get past the words (or get more subtle with what they mean!) and bring them into a felt sense, a lived experience, an everyday reality, something to reach for again in any now-moment. Be here now still has power, if you live it. You really can be here now with each task, with each CHOICE, and leave the rest to the orchestration. Leave the whole picture alone. Let the parts you’re not working with now marinate, percolate, or move forward without you. They will, especially if you hold that in your awareness then watch for proof of it. (My current Manifestation & Magic group members are keeping records of things that happen without their DOING to have the evidence clearly in view!) Under most any circumstances, you get to have a clear & relaxed [fill in your favorite adjective for how you want to feel—fun, fulfilling, invigorating] experience with this one thing that’s yours to mind here & now. Your focus on what you’re not tending (in the moments you’re doing something else, resting & playing included) robs you of presence and of a satisfying way of life. It leaves out the orchestration, and in so doing kind of turns you into an incompetent god. (Like you’re supposed to be omniscient & omnipotent and look at how you fall short!) Then you think & speak in terms of a daily grind, and others around you falsely & foolishly concur. Some now-moments are good moments for eagle view. Wonderful. Take eagle view when it’s time for that, and enjoy the soaring. Benefit from the broader perspective. Consider the whole picture looking ahead & behind. Otherwise, leave eagle view to the eagles (and the orchestration!). Be in mouse view with this one small thing before you and eat up every little crumb of it. Savor what this now-moment contains. If it’s not your favorite task, at least do it relaxed, with full opt-in, and maybe a side of hot frothy beverage or music in the background.  Blurry photo of people on a whirlwind amusement park ride from Lorenzo Fustaino on Unsplash.
It’s Not a Problem That It’s Never Done Things are never done. Period. You know the old adage A woman’s work is never done—another reason to blow up the binary! No one’s work is ever done. Of course your work is never done! Stop treating this like a problem—or worse, a failure on your part. Likewise, your play is never done, your pleasure is never done, your learning is never done, your creative impulses & ideas are never done, your adventures are never done. Not until you die. And then … something else. So if you’re alive in this form, there it is: everything is in flux and more is always lining up. Seriously, what if you saw that with zero pressure or stress—or with the capacity & commitment to soothe that and give yourself new messages when the old hold sway or reassert themselves? You get to enjoy and be at ease with the thing you’re doing right now. More important, and more empowering: You can decide to enjoy & be at ease with each thing you’re doing NOW. Or not. What do you decide? Unlearning & Retraining On a day-to-day basis, noticing what’s NOT done (really, truly) does NOT need to be felt as pressure. If it registers as guilt or failure or any kind of problem that jars your system, PAUSE. Break the spell. Crack through the illusion. Breathe consciously for a few beats, and give yourself a reality check: actually, you ARE doing enough. Going slower with lower energy today? That, too, is a human reality: you’re still doing enough. Breathe through it. Embody & appreciate each thing you do. Align with the energy of the day as the orchestration takes care of what’s obviously not yours to do, or won’t look the way it does on high-energy days. Are you inefficient today? Still doing enough. Shift your energy, stretch, hydrate, take a break, take a walk, then see what you most want to give yourself to as best you can and as much as you want to here & now. Have others shown up or failed to show up in ways that maximize flow & easy movement through necessary tasks (for whatever you’re up to together)? Um, that’s normal too. Unavoidable, in fact. Just do what’s yours to do (which may or may not include communicating with them), and you’re doing enough. (But if you’re spending a bunch of mental time on what’s wrong with them, you’re doing too much—of what won’t serve you at all to connect to higher intelligence, which never goes along with some assessment that you’re the victim of others’ character flaws or work ethics or whatever.) Imagine a New Reality What if you lived with an abiding sense of enough-ness (even fullness, wholeness) in the now? What if you kept FEELING into that and returning to that feeling and reaching for it again each time it slipped away? (And slip it will—no problem.) What if you ended each day with a sense of satisfied completeness? Imagine savoring what’s happening now and gazing ahead with joyful anticipation (not frowning trepidation) for what’s coming next? I’m always running on empty. I can’t get ahead. I’m working nonstop and it’s never enough. Beyond not accepting such statements as normal, how about being struck by their sheer absurdity? Speak again if you catch yourself thinking or saying such things. Do not concur when others do. No doubt, life can feel intense, and in some realities that’s the status quo for some time (in certain jobs, parenting circumstances, health challenges; um, during certain waves of socio-political clusterfucks). Even if you’re on a roller coaster, you’re still existing in this one moment of the ride, right here, right now, and there’s nothing to be done (not by you) for or about the other moments. When life feels like a crazy carnival ride in perpetual motion, there’s still only now, now, now, now, now. And there’s still the orchestration holding what’s beyond this moment with an incredible & incredibly intelligent force. Your trouble and graceless navigating begin when you leave this moment mentally to worry, fret, tally, review, analyze, complain, predict—which means you’ve forgotten about or aren’t playing with the orchestration. Interrupt the mental departures and call yourself back to now. Release the stuff that doesn’t belong to now to that greater force. Back to the (amazing) Orchestration To bring it full circle in this writing and to cement it as a way of life:
I especially invite you to notice the moments you can simply act on a thought or an impulse NOW. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Guidance comes in now for now. Don’t talk back. Don’t wait for some greater readiness or further instructions or surety about right timing. Trust those impulses. That’s part of the orchestration. YOU’RE part of that vast intelligence. So flow with it now and now and now. Love & blessings, Jaya The Placemat Process from Abraham-Hicks is a great way to anchor yourself in an ongoing sense that it’s not all up to you. (Try it for a number days for it to bring more than relief for the day, though it’s good for that too. Used repeatedly, it’s a consciousness shifter.) If you’d like more on doership (the idea that you’re NOT the doer), read here.
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A Foolproof Way to Freedom  Image of a distressed person holding their head as someone walking behind waves a hand as if seeking to reason with them. From Getty Images on Unsplash. Dear Modern Reader, I recognize this bit of writing is not brief. It is important, though. If you're drawn to check it out, you might use the headings and bold print to support skimming and dropping in where you like. Or, um, you could just read it. I keep noticing in conversations with clients how much suffering we human beings generate by wanting something from someone who isn’t producing it. Who may not have access to that wanted thing—at least not now. Not given whatever they’re believing & focused on now; not given whatever they have & haven’t faced or healed; not given any number of other factors! Self-Generated Suffering You (and only you) Can Undo Can you see how you create this unnecessary suffering for yourself and put it on them? What if you flipped the switch: instead of declaring what someone should do, what you want or need them to provide or offer, or how they don’t show up for you in the way you want them to, acknowledge instead that this is simply something you want and you currently want it from them. None of that makes it something they must or should do; it’s not something anyone owes you. They get to feel in and decide what they’re up for & willing to do—not you. They even get to be oblivious of this thing entirely as they focus elsewhere, and it’s not yours to manage their enlightenment or order their priorities. What’s most misplaced here is your idea of what causes your suffering. In short, not what someone else is or isn’t doing! Your suffering comes from your focus & insistence on getting what isn’t forthcoming, and especially on getting it in some particular way from some particular source. (A client tells me they say it this way in the 12-step world: Stop trying to get milk from the Hardware store.) Taking Total Responsibility It’s pretty radical to believe that anything you want is your responsibility, and yours only. When you place that responsibility on others, you will almost certainly, at some point & to some degree, feel helpless, frustrated, angry, or victimized—or all of that and then some. You will be at the mercy of whether they ever get it or not, and they may not! You’re preventing yourself (as opposed to, they’re preventing you) from getting what you really want because you’re the one waiting for someone you can’t control to come to and provide this thing. Speaking of control, have you noticed how controlling you can get as you insist & insist, justify & explain, have the temper tantrums or crying jags? Do you notice the sense of scarcity you’re in? This idea that you should get something from someone not providing it can only feel like a gaping hole in your existence, and perhaps in your heart. The Scarcity Is an Illusion This vast Universe is not, in fact, a place of scarcity (unless you focus on lack & fill your field of vision with that). ANYTHING you want can come to you through any number of different channels. There are so many available forms for all you wish for, want to get to, aspire to create. Plenty of these are well within reach, and others not that far away as you open your mind, eyes, and heart and … head that way. But in This Case They ARE the Only One to Provide It Here’s where someone may argue something like: But we’re in a monogamous relationship and they don’t ever want to have sex. Um, then maybe you need to change the agreements or redefine the relationship—not bully the other to do what you want & insist they owe you that. What you want is valid, and whatever they’ve got going is valid too. If you make peace with what is—the current state of affairs is as it is--then you can consider, Now what? Where might I or we go from here? (See button below for more on acceptance as the best foundation for change if it calls to you.)  Image of cat & dog nose-to-nose with seemingly different agendas, from jack1007 on Unsplash.
A Waste of Your Life Force Next, I invite you to consider how easy it is to use up a whole lot of time & energy justifying & arguing for why you should get some specific thing from some specific person. (Sooooo easy. People do it all the time, and sometimes keep doing it year after year as they get increasingly bitter and feel increasingly defeated & unmet by life. And as their well-meaning loved ones join them to reinforce that they have every right to …) Here are some general (and pretty universal) examples of how you might construct it. Please fully take in that these are provided NOT for you to judge yourself by, but for you to gain clarity that opens you to what else is possible—what would feel better. You may argue any of the following:
How That Focus on What’s Missing Dissolves the Valuing of What’s Here The last one I wrote highlights how much FOCUS you can give to what you’re not getting from someone--at the expense of noticing all that you do get. For the record—and if you drop in, you may feel in your very body how much this makes sense--it gets a lot easier to focus on what you get from someone when you don’t EXPECT to get anything from them—never mind the particular things that are decidedly NOT forthcoming. It really helps for you not be mad, sad, annoyed, resentful, outraged, or […] about what they’re not providing. (And you feel how you feel, so that in itself isn’t the problem. It’s a question of noticing & checking out the thinking behind the feelings that keeps you holding on to those feelings—which could be transmuted with a bit of clarity.) Consider where this person produces & provides so many things that benefit you, that feel good to you, that you savor, that mean something lovely to you (adoration, respect, fascination, fun, connection, stimulation, kindness, caring). It may also be worth noting that they offer such things sometimes without even trying, and sometimes through conscious choice because they’re paying attention and do sometimes choose into what you’ve told them about yourself. An example of the not-even-trying bit: they just happen to be someone who’s funny and whose sense of humor meshes well with yours. They make you laugh a lot, just by perceiving things and speaking about them as they do. No effort is required—it just happens because they are who they are and you like who they are! An example of the conscious-choice bit: They’ve come to understand how much acts of service, for you, mean love. Even though it’s not their primary or most comfortable love language, they look for things they might do that they know you like or that you’ve mentioned make you feel looked after, provided for, supported, comfortable, good about your environment [whatever it may be]. Examples in the professional realm: Let’s be real—we expect a lot from our supervisors, employees, co-workers, team members, HR workers (etc, etc). Someone might naturally be orderly & prompt & prepared, and you love that—it contributes to your thriving at work. Or someone might consciously learn to review those documents more carefully before turning them over to you because they’ve taken in how much you prefer that, and the harmony between you & in the work flow is better maintained when they do that. And When They Don’t Accommodate Your Wanting & Preferences? What if they don’t have or learn the traits you want in those you love, live with, and work with? What if they’re not fulfilling their job descriptions or the terms of the relationship as you understand them? That will always be part of the story. Can you accept that? No one in any realm of life will ever manage to provide every single thing you want. (If they do, RUN THE OTHER WAY. They aren’t living their own life, or they’re codependent AF, or they’re too self-contorting & too open to manipulation to participate as a full co-creator in genuine relationship.) Whatever anyone’s role or job description, however well or thoroughly they do or don’t do what you think they should--it’s not their job and not humanly possible for them to be all you want them to be and provide all you want from them (however sensible your desire). They will do things you don’t prefer. Things that make you uncomfortable. Things you’ve told them (or asked them politely) to do differently. Things that you claim drive you insane. Your Sanity Is Fully Yours to Manage & Maintain Um, your sanity or lack thereof is up to you. Entirely. Yours to notice and yours to manage and, ideally, yours to make some very empowered choices around. Rewire it so that nothing drives you crazy. Then, when you feel or hear yourself think or say that something or someone is driving you nuts or bananas or off the deep end, you can simply treat it as an invitation to look again, to clear it up between you & you--instead of continuing to believe they need to change for your comfort & sanity. I used to do a holiday program called If they drive you crazy, take the wheel. In other words, don’t put it on them that you have stuff, that you have preferences, that you like the way you’re wired better, that you value your ethics more than theirs. Don’t even put it on them that you’re right, that things would function better if only they (and maybe everyone on the planet) would … (Give yourself this: You could be right. And that doesn’t change anything I’ve written here.) Innocuous Example of How We Do This (all the time & think nothing of it—we just think we’re right) I recently laughed at myself because I caught myself not in road rage but in road condescension! I heard myself say aloud to someone, in a calm, even (I’m so sensible, you’re such a jerk) kind of voice: “Honey, you just pulled in front of me going more slowly than I’m going and that doesn’t work.” I wasn’t screaming or pounding the steering wheels or whipping out a gun. I was still being superior and annoyed and annoyingly patronizing. No one owes you making all the same driving choices that you make. Fill in anything in that sentence where I have driving choices, and it’s still true—even if you think it’s for their own good & well-being or the good of all concerned; even if you fear their choices will hasten their death and you really really want them to live; even if you think you can’t keep living or working with them if they keep up what you don’t like or keep not doing what you do like. Don’t Want Anything from Anyone Just want what you want. You get to. You don’t need justification to want anything you want. You can even enjoy your wanting and how it move you along your beautiful, fascinating, evolving path. Want what you want and find where it is. Open up & let it come to you in a million different ways & forms, from obvious or unexpected sources. As Abraham-Hicks loves to say, Look for it where it is, not where it isn’t. Then you can let every character in your life off the hook and stop organizing your communications around getting them to do what you want them to do. It’s certainly fine to ask for what you want (do!). Let others know your preferences. And then, release them to be themselves, to have their tendencies & preferences, to look through their chosen & unconscious lenses, to be on their journey as it is & as it unfolds (however much it intersects with yours), and so on. Take responsibility for your own happiness, your well-being, your sanity. Take responsibility for getting all fo your needs met & wants fulfilled. Then you’re free to want nothing from anyone. Then you’re free to ask for & get what you want in a million ways. Then you’re free. Love & blessings, Jaya 3 related posts: 1. Story in which I asked myself, What if I wanted nothing from them? 2. How fully accepting where you are now best supports you to change it 3. Easy Existing Matches is the best tool from Abraham-Hicks for focusing consciously on what you do like about someone, what you do get from them |
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