CARRY ON with HEALING & FOCUSING PROCESSES

don’t say it’s not working, don’t give up on yourself

Photo of a solar eclipse from Marek Okon on Unsplash

​Sometimes someone tells me they were having a hard time with something, and nothing they did worked. Or they speak more generally about stuff they try and … it doesn’t work. And if you were ever the one to say that to me or if you’ve witnessed me talking to someone in a group who said that, you know this is when I hit the pause button.

So I’m going to tell on myself here and then lay out what we really mean when we say it’s not working and then offer something bolstering and supportive and kind. Here goes.

I bumped into something rough in the past week in the form of someone I love and respect speaking to me in a way that I don’t typically receive from anyone these days. And it THREW ME OFF. The ego-mind would not shut up about it. (I love not to identify with the mind. The thoughts were thinking me, as Byron Katie says.) The whole thing took much longer for me to move along than usual.

I want to tell you about this and invite you not to give up on yourself, and to keep reaching for the right tool in the moment, and to keep tossing out any thoughts that you should be beyond this, and just do your work and soothe yourself and take care of yourself until you’re back in alignment.

Because you will come back to alignment.

Nothing in the Universe cares a bit how long it takes or how many processes. Your job is to not give up on yourself. Keep interrupting the preposterous (defensive, counter-attacking, victimized, offended, self-righteous, other-correcting) thoughts. Reach for the right tool in the moment and keep reaching. And do not say It’s not working.

Here’s what I did right, which I tell you in the spirit of inviting you to stop putting the focus on what you’re doing wrong or even worrying about whether you might be doing it wrong or exhausting yourself with the belief you need to figure it all out.

• I turned the arrows of attention around (oh, I’m thinking about them again; let’s come back to me, back to what needs soothing in me).
• I did focus wheels.
• I used EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) to say the negative thoughts and drum in some kinder, truer, soothing, healing, bolstering thoughts.
• I brought it to NOW; I called myself back to presence with the task at hand.
• I reminded myself of all kinds of wise things.
• I caught myself judging myself and interrupted that fast. Went back to soothing and witnessing.
• I caught myself taking their words personally again and declared again that I understand it’s not personal and I still see myself trying to make it about me (and what’s wrong with me, and therefore what needs to be defended and objected to and resisted …).
• I did not allow myself to think and figure at night, so I spent any awake time just breathing into the tight, painful spot just under my diaphragm.
• I called forth the younger versions of me who had felt just this way (with no review of their stories) and just held them and breathed with them and told them I accepted them fully and thanked them for getting me to where I am now. (There were 7 of us in bed together one night.)
• I talked about it very little and did so only with a couple of wise, clear supporters who weren’t even thinking about joining me in any of the wackiness (but who also held space lovingly and didn’t rush me in my process).
• I caught myself in my Enneagram programming (in my case, a revolving door from sad, misunderstood Four to after-all-I’ve-done-for-you Two, to railing, self-righteous One) and just reported the number I was in out loud just to remember that I’m not in truth and not fully present when the program is running me.
• I countered thoughts in real time or just told myself something simple like, That’s not actually true. Or, That’s not all true. Or even, That could be true, but it’s neither here nor there.
• I got out of head altogether again and again, back to body and breath.
• I did qigong and breathwork. Including meditative, mind-clearing qigong.
• I processed the heart on its own terms without head-center intrusions (just crying or breathing emotion without analysis or figuring anything out).
• I thought about things I loved and appreciated, caught sunrises and sunsets, savored flavors, focused on work and remembered I loved it, took care of the nuts and bolts of life, watched stuff for entertainment to look away.
• I could go on. I did all the things.

​I did NOT believe that these things weren’t working. I definitely noticed that this wasn’t moving along as fast as usual. I reminded myself that this meant an old wound had been reactivated and that this was a chance to heal it. And I believed it, even though that didn’t stop the mind or make me feel better. (The kind mind really can bring the heart along, even if the heart isn’t there yet right now. So I plugged away, calling in the kind mind.)

If you believe It’s not working, that usually means things like this:

• I don’t feel better, this still hurts, I’m not at peace
• The mind is still going strong and keeps reasserting the same thoughts
• I haven’t (fully or sufficiently) stopped believing those thoughts
• My idealized self doesn’t think I’m handling this well
• I’ve lost contact with my best self; I’m out of alignment
• I’m judging the process
• I’m worried I’m getting it wrong
• I’m feeling stuck and thinking I’ll get stuck here
• I want this to be going faster, which puts me in resistance and slows me down further

So this is what I want to tell you.

You’re fine. You’re doing fine. You’re enough. You’re doing enough. The revelation wants to come. This is only happening for your healing and evolution. It’s really okay.

It’s okay if this takes awhile. The timeline isn’t your business. What is your business?

• Reach for the next tool
• Meet yourself in this moment
• Counter this one thought or spoken declaration right now
• interrupting, interrupting, interrupting (DO NOT FOLLOW THE THOUGHT THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW ISN’T TRUE OR THAT TAKES YOU FURTHER DOWN ANY KIND OF RABBIT HOLE)
• Make a choice right now (and just for now) to aim toward what could feel better or create even a little scooch toward something kinder and truer
• Do not give up on yourself (self-abandonment no more)

You’re either going with your negative (stressful, painful) thoughts or you’re interrupting them and reaching for something else (see my first bullet list above). You’re either going further down the rabbit hole or you’re heading out. Got something big, bad, deep, and ugly going on? No problem. You’re equipped. Keep scooching. Don’t give up on yourself. DO NOT SAY IT’S NOT WORKING. Or hear yourself and say something else. Like:

• Whatever it takes, I’m here for it
• I’m willing
• I’m guided
• I’m equipped
• Everything’s always working out for me
• This too shall pass
• I can walk myself through gently

Love & blessings, Jaya
P.S. Have you found my PROCESS blog category? Many ways to walk yourself through and instructions for using processes from Abraham-Hicks can be found there. Look right!
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