I’ve been wanting to write about FEELING BETTER but the message seems so cute and small, I was thinking you might be tempted to laugh in its tiny face. But here goes. We’ll start with the bullet-point version:

• Feel better, feel better, feel better, feel better.
• Feel good. Keep feeling good.
• Notice you feel great.
• Wobble? Feel better feel better feelbetterfeelbetter.
• Course-correct too late, after momentum has built and the wobble has become careening downhill or free-falling? JUST DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

From there, rinse & repeat, and live your life feeling good, or at least feeling better.

I could stop right there. I’ve made my point. To be fair, it’s a point that Abraham-Hicks keeps making, and I’ve taken it in and made it mine. I want to pass it on to you because it’s important. It’s bigger than it appears to be.

Look, I can see for myself that JUST FEEL BETTER sounds simplistic, but it packs a powerful punch when you actually apply it. When you care enough about feeling good; when you’re sufficiently committed to feeling good that you reach for feeling a little bit better ANYTIME you feel a little bit worse, then ... I daresay it’s the key to ongoing well-being.

So let me add a few things to help you take it in, keep it in view, and get a few ideas in place on how to apply it. (You’ll think of more as you keep playing with it. And if you’re going to play with this at all, this is key: KEEP PLAYING WITH IT.)

What do you reach for to feel a little bit better? Let’s break it down into categories of thought and action. In my coaching work (and life as a whole), I’m always aware of and working & playing with all three centers of intelligence—body, heart, and head. The heart center is what we’re working with as a whole here, so in this writing, I’ll offer ways to engage both head and heart center toward feeling better, thus putting them in service to the heart center.

HEAD CENTER: REACH FOR BETTER-FEELING THOUGHTS
Here’s a simple questioning tactic. Let’s say you notice you’re not feeling great and you remember that you only have one job right now: to feel a little bit better. Formulate a question to give yourself two alternatives: one that goes along with what you’re telling yourself that makes you feel bad, and one that counters it. So you’ll give yourself a sort of 2-part multiple choice question. Examples follow.

Example #1
Imagine that you caught yourself thinking or saying I’m no good at this. Here are some two-part questions you might use to help you reach for feeling better:

• Am I actually no good at this, or do I just need more practice?
• Is it true that I’m no good at this, or have I actually gotten better at it over time?
• That’s the final analysis—I’m no good at this? Or is it just something I don’t love to do but am capable and willing to stay with (or come back to when I feel better)?

If you answer yourself truthfully, you’ll almost certainly reach for the choice that counters what feels bad. (Because you’re not in truth when you’re telling yourself things that feel awful.) If you reach for the mean & rotten option, offer yourself new questions with different choices!

And then notice whether that feels better or worse, to find a few truer, better-feeling things than what you were telling yourself as you started to sink. If it feels better (even a little bit better), keep going. Buoy yourself up. Fully establish yourself in a different mindset. Keep heading toward feeling better, feeling better, feeling better till you actually feel good. Keep going with the same tactic for a while, or follow the next inspired thing that comes to you.

Example #2
Imagine that you caught yourself going into the future with bleak predictions. Maybe you just heard yourself threaten yourself with being unpartnered, alone, and lonely for the rest of your days. You might shift that by asking:

• Do I really know that’s what my future holds, or am I projecting my worst fear from how I feel right now (and making myself feel worse in the process)?
• Is it more likely that I’ll never have a partner or that I’ll have a variety of experiences with other human beings I’m drawn to—and that any number of relationships of varying kinds & value & longevity could evolve over time?
• Will I always feel lonely or is it truer that I’ve felt all kinds of feelings—loneliness included, joy included—and that I’ll feel all kinds of feelings going forward?
• Could it be true that I can equally milk the feeling of loneliness or milk the feeling of soothing myself and feeling just a little bit better?

That idea of self-soothing takes us into the realm of action (the body center), so let’s go there next.

BODY-CENTER: REACH FOR BETTER-FEELING ACTIONS
Noticing what feels bad, reach for a simple action that would make you feel better. Note that this can be on- or off-topic. So if you’re feeling bad about your cluttered home, you could go through one little stack of mail sitting on the countertop (on-topic and feels better) or you could go outside to do some yard work (off-topic and still works to make you feel better).

Whatever you do, keep it SIMPLE. Do the easiest thing. The most effortless thing. The thing that isn’t prescribed by your inner taskmaster or church lady but by the compassionate good parent in you who wants only to support you to feel better. (If you’d like more on conscious reparenting, check out Your Not-Enough Messaging.)

If you feel immobilized, for example, what would be a simple movement? WAIT. First, note that finding one simple feel-better action requires getting out of your head about all you SHOULD be doing. It requires dropping evaluation. It requires bringing it to now, so you’re not preoccupied with your whole work day, your future, your entire life.

What you’re not doing right now is fixing your whole life. You’re not taking care of all that you’re aware of, all that you think is building up with a wordless accusation that you’re not doing enough or with a menace of failure and an untimely tragic death. You’re just coming up with ONE SIMPLE THING TO DO THAT FEELS BETTER:

• Get up and make a cup of tea.
• Do one yoga asana or one qigong form that gently coordinates body and breath and brings you into conscious awareness of moving energy through your system.
• Play music that won’t amplify any bad feelings and may inspire you to move, even for some little sway like the one you go into spontaneously when you’re holding a baby.
• Do a 3-Centers guided meditation for self-soothing.
• Do one task that will bring order or check off one thing on a list or pre-pave for another task that you want to get to later. Do it consciously & APPRECIATE that you’re showing up for that much. Do not berate yourself for something else you’re not doing or for how long it took you to get to this one simple action OR FOR ANYTHING ELSE. You’re trying to reach for feeling better here, so do whatever small thing you choose to do in a better-feeling way, receiving the better-feeling fruits that will likely come of it if only you allow better feelings to flow.
• Take care of some simple body need, like washing your face or eating something nutritious that tastes good or drinking a glass of water.
• Stay right where you are and just breathe consciously. Feel the movement of the breath. Feel the nourishment of the breath. Feel the kindness of the breath.
• Step outside and connect with anything & everything you love there. Or just anything you can appreciate even a little. Or just anything that feels a little bit better, like fresher air to breathe, a whole sky instead of a ceiling above you, a feeling of other things moving, even the breeze, so that you tap even a little bit into the natural movement of the Universe.
• Let go of any & all need to accomplish anything and choose one fun thing to do (or peaceful, or routine-busting, or resetting). Naps & meditation make for great resets, because they stop the mind. So does a whole good or even decent night’s sleep.

(Sidenote. Step Outside was #4 in my series of 5 quick & easy processes for focus & alignment, also derived from the teachings of Abraham-Hicks.)

REACH FOR FEELING BETTER USING ALL 3 CENTERS AT ONCE
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also called tapping, is a great soothing modality that hits all three centers. Here’s an EFT session whose thrust is to get you out of your head and into just feeling better.

I’ll be back with more on how to work with this modest-seeming principle of feeling better. Yup. I went from not being sure I could write about this at all to aiming for a little series. May it serve us all to feel better way more often, and even as a way of life.

Love & blessings, Jaya

P,S. Here’s another blog post on how to reach for a question to get out of rumination and reset the mind.

And here’s one more with 11 quick & easy microadjustments for feeling better that you can make in the moment, as needed.

Scroll down to below the next pic for a few super-helpful resources. Headings are there to guide swift skimming!

Almost everybody I work with or know in any context is deeply dismayed by the latest elections in the US. People are using words like devastated, shattered, and terrified, and are talking about grieving. There’s no problem with any absolutely & automatically valid reaction you’re having. More than anything, I invite you to look for soothing. See if you can stay away from ongoing focus on all that’s WRONG.

AND I also want to invite you back to what is true, what abides, what is real, what we can actually count on, what matters, what will get us through, where we might put our focus to feel fully equipped to carry on with our intentions for our own lives and the greater good and the Earth itself. Scroll down for a number of resources to explore if & when you feel drawn.

First, a story from someone else
My friend & colleague Susan Meyer is a mindfulness meditation teacher and nature photographer. She already has a habit well in place, most every morning, to visit the river she lives next to in upstate New York. Via the practical magic of her kayak, she often gets right in it. Her relationship with this river represents a deep soul connection. Susan didn’t watch election results come in on the evening that was happening, and before she looked in the morning, she went out to meet the river—and to meet herself at the river—first of all.

What happened was that she got a visceral sense of a sort of timeless view of what matters. Even going only as far back as the beginning of the story of the United States, she felt into how this river had seen the Revolutionary War and all that has taken place in the human realms from then to now. The river had flowed through it all; continued to provide water and take part in the water cycle; held and fed any number of beasts and fishes and birds, plants and trees; provided solace & peace & nourishment to any number of humans. This river was full of hope & love & an ongoing vote cast for life to continue in the healthiest possible way for all concerned.

And from that awareness, Susan felt the time was right to check the election results. In that very moment, a two-word text that told all she needed to know popped in from her daughter: “Soooo….. Canada? 😭”

What I’ve been doing & holding to
Most of y’all know that I do EXTRA processes for soothing & clarity when something feels off, and I’ve been processing away to spend as much time as possible in alignment. (Note that you can click on the tag PROCESS on my blog to see specific tools there. There’s also a helpful tools tab on my website.) Prioritizing alignment and cultivating a sense of well-being includes more time in nature and more care with basic things like nutrition and sleep and qigong, in my case—substitute whatever you do that you know keeps your body feeling better and your breathing coming in more fully.

I’m holding fast to all that I care about. All the intentions I had for myself and this country and various populations I care deeply about—these are unchanged and still with me. I’m committed. I’ve been thinking about how many people hold like beliefs and care just as deeply as I do, and we are united. I know the laws of the Universe are unchanged by election results, and I’m still tapping into all that keeps me creating & living into visions of what matters to me and allows me to support others on their journeys.

I’m so clear that I cannot support people if I go into depression or deep freeze, things I did routinely in the past anytime the political landscape felt threatening and like it was just going in the wrong direction (seemingly counter to evolution and not aligned with the good of all concerned!). In fact, I believe the evolution is always underway, and it’s evident to me, looking back over time, that the process never looks linear. And still, we’ve evolved, and we will continue to do just that.

Further resources, including from others, can be found below the next photo. Headings allow for quick skimming to see if anything calls to you.

RESOURCES

A SONG
Here is a song that makes me teary & goosebumpy, written & performed by singer-songwriter Kathleen Hannan of NC. She started writing this right before the election, finishing the recording just before the results started coming in. She wrote me that she wanted to create a song to tap into “what would still be here no matter which way the election went.”

EFT
I have created an EFT (emotional freedom technique, or tapping) playlist on my YouTube channel for political pain and anxiety. Some were drawn from pre-existing EFT sessions (e.g., EFT/tapping on big disappointments) and I keep adding new EFT sessions specific to this list as I support people bringing me the topic of how the political situation affects (and especially pains) them.

A MEDITATION
On the night of the American elections, I sent out a link to this mailing list to offer a 3-centers meditation. I had recorded it at noontime with no clue of how things would turn out. Here it is again, as you may still find it helpful in meeting your dread and soothing yourself in body, heart, and head. Find this election-soothing 3-centers meditation on YouTube.

POWERFUL TEACHINGS FROM ABRAHAM-HICKS
If you ALREADY know & love the work of Abraham-Hicks and want & feel able to invest 50 bucks in a spiritual perspective on the political scene, I strongly recommend purchasing the Abraham Now broadcast that took place a few days after the elections, on November 9. I found all that was said deeply healing, supportive, and full of wisdom, clarity, and encouragement to stay connected to what is always real, whatever may be going on politically for better or worse. If you aren’t already pretty connected to these teachings and to Abraham-speak, you may not vibe with how they talk about this or even get what they’re saying (because of their particular lingo and perhaps because a foundational understanding of what & how they teach would be needed). That said, if you feel drawn, go go go!

DROP-IN GROUP COACHING
Last Monday night, during drop-in group coaching, we did some beautiful work together to soothe election fears & woes. Please join anytime, including tonight. The topics we cover are set by what people bring forth. You’re always welcome to talk or participate in silence, you can insert a question in the chat, and you can be off-cam, if you prefer, even if you choose to offer a coaching topic. This information, along with very occasional cancellations, can always be found on the homepage of my website.

Love & blessings, Jaya

​(Have you ever noticed you can follow the bold print in these writings to get the gist of it for a quick read and to find where you may want to go in more deeply? Yup.)

I meant to get this email out earlier but I got busy googling Can you freeze red lentil soup? and then best lesbian dating apps for Kansas City, then I looked again to make sure I hadn’t missed any of the free NYT daily puzzles.

Just kidding. I HAVE, however, been thinking about how distractions have innocent motives*. Your little or grand time-wasting side trips carry messages & invitations for your greater well-being—if only they can elbow past your self-accusations of lazy distractible unfocused procrastinating or whatever you choose to call it to make yourself feel bad.

(*Thank you to brilliant coach Jude Spacks for giving me this phrase and concept of the innocent motive.)

Ever notice that feeling bad about your behavior (thus yourself) is possibly the LEAST likely way to move away from what you’re not loving? It’s certainly not the easiest, quickest, or kindest way out!

So, wanna drop the judgments with me for a moment and explore what wants to come through that could actually feel good to you? That could in fact usher you right into the next bigger-better version of yourself?

DISCLAIMER: Please don’t misread me and think I’m saying you should never play games or run curious online searches or binge-watch a good show. I’m not saying that at all. I’m addressing the surplus of that—and how you know it’s too much is not related to a concept or number of minutes. Just this: It feels like too much TO YOU. It feels BAD.

See what hits you in this list of possible invitations seeking to come in when you reach for the stuff that zaps your time and messes with your ideas of productivity. Which messages might be for you? Or what else do they bring in as fresh ideas for what you’re really after?

Your (loving, entirely UNscolding) guidance system may be saying:

• Are you sure you’ve been playing enough, honey? Schedule in some fun time more consciously. Stuff that’s REALLY fun, please. Run & play with dogs & children. Ambush a cat who will ambush you back. Dance, laugh, take a field trip somewhere new.
  
  
• Hey, you’re really seeking to alleviate some discomfort here. Move away from your [desk, cubby, work station] more often. Take more small breaks. GO OUTSIDE, even to step out and breathe a bit with your senses activated. Move the body and get energy flowing all through you. Give your eyes the rest and treat of looking up into trees, skies, light.
  
  
• The thing you’re avoiding you actually want to do. There are some [fears, worries, not-sure-how’s] in the way. Come along. Let’s step into the shallow end at your point of least resistance and take one simple step with ease. See how that goes. Watch for the possibility of momentum building.
  
  
• You’re not CLEARLY making certain choices in your life to create & experience more of what’s actually important to you—what you truly want. Where are you abdicating to what others want from or expect of you? Choose what you actually want to be/do/have in order to fully be you (then maybe you won’t choose this piddly-distraction stuff you don’t actually want to give hours to).

It could be so many things! More below for you to see what’s yours or jogs your thinking toward the more precise issue/s for you.​

  

• There’s something you’re [sad, mad, confused, disturbed] about and you’d actually feel better sitting with that a minute. What if you just sat and breathed it without trying to figure it out? Just feel it in the body and give it a kind, compassionate gaze. Pause to breathe in and around it. Don’t go to the head, leave solutioning alone, and instead offer what feels bad a few conscious moments to see what may arise.
  
  
• ACTUALLY, dear one, you’re too obsessed with productivity, and your inner rebel wants to push against that. Consider your natural fluctuations of energy. What if you went with the flow more & consciously chose the nonproductive sometimes? Let it be okay to have ebb & flow. Your experiment with this could show you increased productivity overall! (I dare you to run the experiment!)
  
  
• The more you don’t let yourself be as big as you could be, my love, the more you reach for things that diminish you, that trivialize the fullness of all that you are, and that fill your time with the superfluous & insubstantial.
  
  
• Sweetheart, you’re working too hard, pure & simple. Work easier. Spend more time relaxing & aligning, even in small spurts and transitional moments, so that the quality of your work (your offering to the world!) is imbued with ease, flow, a satisfied sense of well-being.
  
  
• Do less, and opt in fully to what you do choose to do. Don’t allow yourself to be divided.

Hey, I recently did a group EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping) session that felt like an inspired journey of connecting to and honoring the guidance system that’s unique to each of us. Check it out if drawn! Your guidance system can support you to get out of anything you don’t actually feel good about doing RIGHT NOW and point you to what would truly meet your needs, fulfill your desires, and move you along toward your visions and intentions!

Love & blessings, Jaya

​Consider first what unconditional love could look like directed toward the self.

Below, I offer a list that contains two components followed down the line. We begin with a) a possible thing that makes you feel good about yourself and automatically creates a sense of self-love, followed each time by b) the flip side of that, which you generally don’t want and feel bad about—the stuff that stirs up self-disapproval and that sense of being wrong, unworthy, not good enough.

Which can lead to all manner of what is not self-love, from walking around feeling subtly off and not quite up to par (without even verbalizing it, but it still feels bad, and it’s unfair to yourself) all the way to pure self-loathing and vicious self-talk (which feels rotten).

What if you FULLY, equally, loved yourself in both the wanted & the unwanted aspects of your behavior? Of how you feel? Of how others see you? That’s unconditional self-love. Make it about others, and you’ve got unconditional love as directed to others.

Want to love unconditionally? Notice the conditions that get the inner or outer critic in motion. INTERRUPT THE CRITIC. Drop into love for what’s here right now, the good, the bad, the ugly. Consider whether you might at least try saying (writing!) that you love yourself on each end of any spectrum, and all the way across.

I love myself when I feel great & strong in my body.
I love myself when something hurts or feels tender, off, painful, fragile.

I love myself when I’m strong & stable.
I love myself when I’m wobbly.

I love myself when I’m kind to [my mom] & soothe irritation that arises without expressing it.
I love myself when I notice I’m being critical, unkind, mentioning what doesn’t need to be mentioned. I love myself when I’m inappropriately instructing & suggesting.

I love myself when I feel the love & joy flowing effortlessly.
I love myself when I’m not in the vicinity.

I love myself when I show up to do processes (like inquiry, focus wheels, EFT), getting out ahead of old negative thought patterns before they can build momentum or wreak havoc.
I love myself when I reach for those processes after I’ve reacted or thrown myself off in some way or even after I’ve gone wayyyy down the rabbit hole and must walk myself through the whole climb back to ground zero.

I love myself when I’m happy & appreciating others & all of life.
I love myself when I’m sad & full of discontent.

I love myself when people hold up beautiful mirrors telling me I’m great, brilliant, talented, loving.
I love myself when someone looks at me funny or declares everything they think is wrong with me.

I love myself when I pause and choose a kind, calm, clear response.
I love myself when I’m reactive or triggered and don’t even know I’m puking on someone till the mess has already dropped.

I love myself when I [do qigong] and grow the practice.
I love myself when I skip it.

I love myself when I’m [do qigong] in presence, consciously growing my relationship to presence.
I love myself when I phone it in, just do it to get it done, call it good enough.

I love myself when I just simply and easily say what’s true for me.
I love myself when words get stuck in my throat or I tiptoe around the issue.


Hey, to be clear, the idea isn’t to condone or excuse what feels off to you. It’s to love what’s actually there, reject no part of yourself. In fact, when you’re loving yourself in any current condition, you’ll be much more able to swiftly course-correct. You’ll feel what’s off and head toward alignment fast. Getting out judgments and filling the space with love makes thing clear and more spacious. There’s room to shift.

Maybe you can see that better with others, and it’s just as true for yourself.

I invite you to make your own list. You could approach it from either direction: instead of what I did above, you could start with a statement of loving the least-preferred part (especially if it’s present here & now) and go from there to the stuff that easily feels good). You could also sit down on a day you notice you’re carrying around a critical play-by-play narration of yourself or another or your day, job, whatever, and write out both parts.

Get yourself squarely situated in the acceptance that you’re not your idealized self, and you don’t need to be. Love yourself (or another) in writing, and you’ll be able to love yourself (or another) in talk, in actions, in the day-to-day now-now-now of it.

It’s always helpful to write your thoughts down on paper so you can see what they’re up to and write out what you prefer to think to support really taking it in. Writing helps with focusing. Focus yourself into unconditional love.

Love & blessings, Jaya

​I did NOT believe that these things weren’t working. I definitely noticed that this wasn’t moving along as fast as usual. I reminded myself that this meant an old wound had been reactivated and that this was a chance to heal it. And I believed it, even though that didn’t stop the mind or make me feel better. (The kind mind really can bring the heart along, even if the heart isn’t there yet right now. So I plugged away, calling in the kind mind.)

If you believe It’s not working, that usually means things like this:

• I don’t feel better, this still hurts, I’m not at peace
• The mind is still going strong and keeps reasserting the same thoughts
• I haven’t (fully or sufficiently) stopped believing those thoughts
• My idealized self doesn’t think I’m handling this well
• I’ve lost contact with my best self; I’m out of alignment
• I’m judging the process
• I’m worried I’m getting it wrong
• I’m feeling stuck and thinking I’ll get stuck here
• I want this to be going faster, which puts me in resistance and slows me down further

So this is what I want to tell you.

You’re fine. You’re doing fine. You’re enough. You’re doing enough. The revelation wants to come. This is only happening for your healing and evolution. It’s really okay.

It’s okay if this takes awhile. The timeline isn’t your business. What is your business?

• Reach for the next tool
• Meet yourself in this moment
• Counter this one thought or spoken declaration right now
• interrupting, interrupting, interrupting (DO NOT FOLLOW THE THOUGHT THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW ISN’T TRUE OR THAT TAKES YOU FURTHER DOWN ANY KIND OF RABBIT HOLE)
• Make a choice right now (and just for now) to aim toward what could feel better or create even a little scooch toward something kinder and truer
• Do not give up on yourself (self-abandonment no more)

You’re either going with your negative (stressful, painful) thoughts or you’re interrupting them and reaching for something else (see my first bullet list above). You’re either going further down the rabbit hole or you’re heading out. Got something big, bad, deep, and ugly going on? No problem. You’re equipped. Keep scooching. Don’t give up on yourself. DO NOT SAY IT’S NOT WORKING. Or hear yourself and say something else. Like:

• Whatever it takes, I’m here for it
• I’m willing
• I’m guided
• I’m equipped
• Everything’s always working out for me
• This too shall pass
• I can walk myself through gently

Love & blessings, Jaya
P.S. Have you found my PROCESS blog category? Many ways to walk yourself through and instructions for using processes from Abraham-Hicks can be found there. Look right!
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