How we do put things in categories
It’s as if we human beings can’t make sense of life unless we think and talk and dream and plot & scheme in terms of separate realms of life that we can name. For example:

• family
• friends
• health, physical well-being
• home life
• love life
• money
• work & career trajectory

Florence Scovel Shinn, author of The Game of Life and How to Play It, posited four squares of life: 1) health, 2) wealth, 3) love, and 4) perfect self-expression.

There are many ways to slice the pie.

Sometimes, I find myself pointing out to a client that the Universe doesn’t care about realms of life. Ultimately, it’s all your one life. We slice it up into (and fixate on) the categories to manage it all and to sort through it mentally and conversationally.

And why do I feel the need to point that out? Why does that even matter?

It matters in a huge and perhaps surprising way.

When you fixate on a category that’s wobbly, thorny, painful, baffling—problematic in any way--you feel bad. Then, perhaps, you tend to focus on how bad you feel about it, and you keep it in view mentally so you don’t lose track of this problem you need to solve. You put what’s not working under the microscopic, so it takes up your whole field of vision and determines your feeling state. Familiar?


Quick LOA review
In Law of Attraction (LOA) terms, you’re now a match for the problem, not the solution. You’re pointing at what you don’t want—whereas the advice for harnessing the power of LOA (which, like gravity, is operative whether you use it to your advantage or not) is to point at, or keep the focus on, what you DO want. Remember, what you focus on expands. The feeling state you’re cultivating determines what you’re calling in. And since what you point toward also establishes the direction you’re heading, then when you fixate on a currently (or chronically) dissatisfying life category, you’re pointing toward what you don’t want—and building momentum in the wrong direction, propelling yourself toward the unwanted.


Applying this to life categories
Let’s say your love life isn’t to your liking and your brow furrows and your heart feels heavy when you think about it; whereas other realms of life are going pretty well. Maybe work is really humming along and your home has never felt more welcoming and containing and aligned with your aesthetic. How does it benefit you that the Universe doesn’t care about categories?

You can actually make your life better by looking away from your love life. GET OFF THE TOPIC of the problematic category. For those of you already objecting, I’m not saying never think about it. I’m not saying don’t sit with it in a clear state and with an open mind to invite inspiration and right action.

But that's not what most of us do with the thing that isn’t going great for us. Typically, we ruminate, or get in our heads about it, and focus on it in tense & straining, discouraged & disempowered ways. We grip the problem (or wrestle it to the ground, as Abraham-Hicks says) and either force solutions or brood about the complexity & perhaps hopelessness of the whole thing. Again, this makes us a match to the problem, not the solution. We’re contracted and unhappy, and (you know the difference viscerally, right?) not relaxed, trusting life, open to the multiple solutions that want to come in—never mind what we do or don’t see here and now.

So what if you gave relaxed, appreciative, even joyful attention instead to what’s going well? As you focus on what you feel good about, the multiple areas in your life where things are easy & running smoothly, the areas of success and flow, the stuff that satisfies and generates new ideas & creative impulses … then you become a match for more of that. You invite more of that (watch for more of that, notice more of that, generate more of that).

​Then what about the category that’s not going great?
As you keep the realms of life that are going well in view, and focus there, and thus build your predominant feeling state from there (i.e., you feel good more & most of the time), then the Universe, or LOA, is happy to flow that over to any specific category, because CATEGORIES DON’T MATTER. (I could almost say they’re not real.) It’s really all you. So imagine what happens with the hard stuff when WHO YOU ARE is the happy, relaxed, trusting one who generally feels great about your life.

I invite you to literally imagine it. To think back to when you’ve felt that way. To take in others around you who live that way. Make this as real to yourself as you can, mentally, so that you’re more likely to live into it in the practical day-to-day of it.


But what about DEALING WITH what’s not going right?
Well, again, NO RUMINATING. (That puts you in ongoing focus on problems and robs you of presence. It keeps you from enjoying what’s going well and optimizing what you have the power to control right now. Otherwise stated: it keeps you from loving your beautiful life.) Choose CONSCIOUSLY and well the moments when you do think CLEARLY about the tricky, dissatisfying stuff.

Go in when you’ve been focused on the good stuff, so you feel clear and capable and optimistic about things moving forward. Then you’re just sitting down with something to tend in your beautiful life, even if it’s not your favorite thing. You’re simply showing up for yourself when it’s time to pay bills or look something up or go to the appointment or add up numbers or do just one next thing that seems aligned with a sense of possibility. You aim roughly in the right direction and trust your capacity to course-correct. Coming in relaxed and happy and open to inspiration and guidance, you no longer approach this previously problematic category as some impossible puzzle to solve, or an ugly, tangled mess that no comb could ever smooth out, or even something that, in your case, at least, is just beyond hopeless.

It matters that categories don’t matter because you can just focus more generally on all you love in life, and then create more of what you love in every single aspect of this one life.

See how that works? Are you doing it already sometimes? (Please do bother to take in where you’ve already experienced this! Know that you know this already!) Would you like to do it more and better? I’ve found it to be a marvelous thing for a grand experiment, a worthwhile project, an enjoyable bit of play in stirring up more of what you love.

Love & blessings, Jaya


Further reading, anyone?
I’ve written before about the wisdom & power of getting off the topic. Here’s more on being a match to the problem, not the solution. And here are some anti-rumination bits to check out:

1. Rumination relief
2. Dissolving rumination with a breath & a question
3. Rumination to support your well-being

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There’s a miraculous little search bar on my website! I’ve also written about course-correcting, feeling good or just feeling better, running grand experiments, following your (very own & unique) guidance system, teaching yourself from what you’ve cleaned up before, and … a whole bunch of stuff to support you in well-being and thriving.

​From a recent Abraham-Hicks daily message: “The Universe is not punishing you or blessing you. The Universe is responding to the vibrational attitude that you are emitting. The more joyful you are, the more Well-being flows to you.”

Some of you have heard that in my current life with my elderly mother, I’m seeing lots of (bits of) Hallmark movies. Which has led me to coin the term Hallmark-movie wisdom. Can you guess how wise I consider these constant nuggets dispensed by vanilla characters who never offend?

Some of the scripts feature references to THE UNIVERSE, and I’m always fascinated by how this Universe is presented. Most recently, our protagonist was in (pretty) tears because it seemed that she and her friends were DOING THE RIGHT THING and while her friends were getting REWARDED (which meant, they were getting something they wanted and having fun in the process), she was being PUNISHED (or, not apparently getting the outcome she wanted and having less & less fun as she focused on that).

The Universe DOES work this way: You will tend to have increasingly less fun as you focus on all that’s not going just as you want it to. (Nailed that one, scriptwriter.)

The Universe, I daresay, DOES NOT work this way: You get rewarded for your goodness or doing it right by getting just the outcome you want (and perhaps even the desired journey on the way to that desired outcome).

And if you don’t get that, you’re being punished.

Factor in the sad predicament of thinking you’re doing the right thing but not being rewarded, then it also feels grossly unfair that the hoped-for outcome was withheld, and now you’re a victim of this cruel Universe that failed to notice what a good little vanilla girl you are (or whatever your flavor & gender identification).

​To get out of punishment/reward mentality:

Notice that this mindset was instilled in you when you were quite young, and perhaps your child self is interpreting events and getting stuck in feeling bad about things when you’re there. Call in your adult self who gets that shit happens and there’s no reward or punishment about it.

Call in your spiritual self who maybe gets or is starting to get or has experimented with getting that when you carry on believing you’re supported by life, and keep aiming the direction you’d like to go, then you don’t need to get tripped up on evaluating all the ups and downs in the journey.

In fact, you can treat open and shut doors as equally helpful—both offering good information to have, and letting you go where you are and aren’t going.

And you can treat hard or challenging things as building muscles for you that are currently still weaker than you might like. (Remember: muscles are appealing and make you feel strong and capable and badass and maybe even sexy, so build those muscles instead of sinking into a puddle of punishment mentality that just makes you want to give up & cry.)

Your spiritual self probably also knows (and can be called on to remind you) that the more we look away from outcomes while we’re on the journey, the more we benefit from the journey (which includes having fun, feeling good feels, and having wondrous & worthwhile encounters & adventures along the way), and the more PRESENT  we are—so we don’t miss the journey or get lost in a constant referencing of the future and what it’s going to bring in terms of outcomes.

Your chronologically aging self, whatever number of years you can put to that, almost certainly knows that outcomes are surprising. And that sometimes, in retrospect, what seemed like a bad outcome was a bullet dodged, or something invaluable learned or gained, or someone precious brought into the story, or a fantastic story to tell, or … or … or …

So here are some possible components of a reframe:

You don’t even need rewards to be happy.
You don’t need to label outcomes as good or bad.
You don’t need to be bothered by the ups and downs along the way.
You don’t need to assign meaning to whether things are going along to your liking or not or landing just as you thought you wanted.
Do not define anything as punishment, then you’ll get increasingly free of needing to evaluate whether you’re good or prove that you are.

Do focus on loving your life.
Aim toward what you want. (Look away more from what you don’t want.)
Have as much fun as possible along the way.
Gain from anything that does or doesn’t happen.
Carry on and watch for how life keeps supporting you in a million wonderful & often wonderfully unexpected ways.
Watch for how much well-being flows your way.
Watch for how much well-being you generate by living & loving your life and not seeing any of it as reward or punishment.

Love & blessings, Jaya

Today I wrote some simple love-drenched words to someone I adore who was upset with themself about … something. A life thing. That’s all we ever get upset with ourselves about. Normal life things on planet Earth that we act are just terrible things from Goddess knows where in this confounding Universe.

After sending the message, the thought occurred to me this was my message to everyone. Everyone on the planet, but I’ll just start with my mailing list.

Please err on the side of NO [NO, ZERO, ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE IOTA OF] FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF.
Do a pendulum swing away from any idea that you’re doing it wrong, away from any reason to be disappointed in yourself.
Follow your knowing, not other people's expectations or desires or beliefs.
And you don't have to get it right. You can course-correct as you go.

That’s the message. Can you feel it? Those are whole-life instructions right there. Can you imagine WASTING NO TIME ON BEATING YOURSELF UP or worrying about what others think or feel about YOU (YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICES, YOUR EXPERIMENTS, YOUR MISTAKES)?

Then what?

You’d be available to notice you feel bad when something’s off and you could care about not feeling bad and head toward feeling good. You might actually just come close to your heart, soothe yourself, take care of your body and nervous system, then open your mind to what other perspective or action is possible. You might notice INSTANTLY that the opposite of beating yourself up is called for.

So life could look like this:

You could just make your best choice in the moment without overthinking it and you could have access to quick access to course-correction.

And course-correction wouldn’t be about righting a wrong. It would just be about tweaking your direction.

Here you are, a human being in motion, giving it your best shot here & now to move toward the next thing that feels likely to be your right next thing, and then … you notice something feels off. So then you head roughly in the right direction—whatever feels a bit more right.

That’s it. Nothing to find fault with. No need to bury your head in your hands (or under the covers or in the sand). No need to go over what on earth you were thinking when you pointed yourself to where you find yourself now.

YOU’RE JUST A HUMAN BEING on planet Earth.

Will you please let yourself just be a human being? Here are 4 simple facts that could help with that.

1. You were never supposed to get it right on planet Earth. (No one does that here.)
2. Getting it right is not a thing. (Actually doesn’t exist in Earth reality.)
3. You were never meant NOT to disappoint or frustrate anyone. (That’s the stuff of desert islands and other planets.)
4. You were never meant to know the right direction and head straight that way as the crow flies. (That’s what crows do. And they make a lot of crazy noise doing it.)

This bit is important:
You were never even meant to sit around hating on yourself because you’re noticing now that you missed some cues and maybe are way farther down the path (or rabbit hole) that feels off that you would ever hope to be.

There’s one thing to do when you find yourself in the above scenario. And, craziest thing (put it to crow music): It’s the same thing  to do if you hadn’t found yourself in that sorry place!

Just be a human being in motion here & now heading roughly in the right direction.

That’s what people do at rock-bottom. It’s what they do when things are a bit messy. It’s what they do when things are just kind of normal. It’s what they do when things are humming along.

Move. ROUGHLY in the right direction. Not even trying to get anything right. You’ll keep getting operating instructions as you go. You’ll course-correct as you go.

And would you please have fun while you’re doing that? THAT, my friends, is very possible and desirable here in a human life on planet Earth. You’re supposed to have fun and feel the joy and notice the magic and laugh your fool head off. You can even scream like a crow. And this sense of fun and connection to joy makes you better company for the other journeyers here. And for yourself. And for other animals and sentient beings of all kinds (like trees and … I include rocks). Please have fun.

Love & blessings, Jaya