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Or Rather: Feeling and THEN Doing  Image of back of human being facing gentle ocean with arms open wide. From Imdadul Hussain on Unsplash. WHY I’M STILL TALKING ABOUT HOW TO FEEL INSTEAD OF WHAT TO DO First, you’ll find good preludes to this new idea in these 3 topics I’ve already covered:
DO NOT BE DISMAYED: I do know my focus hasn’t been on what we can do and even must do—appropriate & necessary action steps needed to create the change we want, to get to where we’d like to be. I’m absolutely not denying that there are such actions to take. I even agree that they’re important. But DON’T START THERE. Don’t keep teaching yourself that it all hinges on what you do. (This is based on doership, a lovely illusion to dispel.) THE OLD WAY YOU WERE TAUGHT & THE NEW WAY I’M PROPOSING You were taught to focus there, weren’t you? They put on their most serious, even scolding faces, and said: Start in the realm of ACTION, and stay there, buckle down there, bite the bullet there, prioritize being there, finish what you start there, work very hard there, collect & demonstrate evidence of all you’re doing & all you’ve done ... I invite you to open to the possibility that ACTION is actually not your best point of departure. I learned this from Abraham-Hicks (and from practicing their teachings). Action FIRST is not best for the most ease, most efficiency, most flow, most satisfaction, most fun & well-being along the way, most success, or most anything else that you may want. It’s really only best for proving YOU ARE ON IT to those looking on (and maybe giving you money or taking you on guilt trips for what they gave you before or telling you what’s what because they always have known and still do know better than you). They strongly believe that your doing is the key. Leave them to it, and consider another way even for a moment. What if it’s truer that the key to your best life and the ideal point of departure is in minding your feeling state? In cultivating good feelings? Then when action comes out of that habitual way of being, it’s inspired action, it’s wanted action, it’s doable action, it’s satisfying action. (I’ll be writing more on that down the line.) GETTING SPECIFIC WITH THE FEELINGS YOU GENERATE Beyond the idea of feeling good in general as a way of being (see link #3 above for some goods on that), you can also cultivate super-specific feelings that match what you’re after by finding where you have them in your reality now and putting focus there. I know some of you have played with the Easy Existing Matches process I’ve written up from the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. This is truly a fabulous DAILY & super-simple process for keeping in view and living into this principle of finding where what you want, and especially how you want to feel, is available to you before you figure out how to create—or rather, LET IN, respond to, flow into—the change you want. So … what makes you feel loved that’s already in your world?  Photo of person with arms around two German Shepherds from Piermario Eva on Unsplash. Focus first on that—not on the ways the love you want is missing, and not on what to DO to go after the love you want! What makes you feel that abundant sense of finding treasures now, before your purchasing power changes?  Photo of someone rummaging through a vinyl records bin from Kevin Turcios on Unsplash. Focus on that, and play at finding within-reach treasures here & now before you focus on going after the wealth that eludes you. What makes you feel attractive that’s within easy reach already?  Photo of beautifully manicured nails from Bryony Elena on Unsplash. Yes, focus there. Let new actions come later, with ease, once you’ve got that feeling nicely established. You won’t truly embody it if you keep focusing on what’s missing and work hard to nail it in place with dense or frenetic energy. That will not put the swagger in your walk! What makes you feel at peace that’s accessible to you now?  Silhouetted photo of someone walking in woods with a small dog from Michael Kucharski on Unsplash. That’s where the real peace is, right here, already in place. You can only get now-peace now—not future peace. Note that your peace is certainly not in the stuff of your current reality that disrupts your sense of harmony & well-being [justice, goodness, unity, etc]. So don’t put your focus there! (Maybe less news-watching for some of you?) The peace disrupters are easy enough to find, aren’t they? Don’t even add something like in the current era or in the current political climate. In truth, it’s always been easy to find what’s not wanted in the current reality; it’s the easiest thing to focus on what’s missing. (You’ve experienced this to different degrees, and at different scales, but you’ve experienced it all your life!) And you will always find the unwanted when you’re focused on it. For a very long time, it’s probably been your default to TAKE ACTION to shape things up—or even to feel bad about yourself and accuse yourself of laziness, procrastination, or failure if you’re not motivated to act. Well … how about this instead? Get your feeling state lined up. Feel good way more often. Interrupt what feels bad to head for feeling good again. Live this way. Make it a grand experiment. (The biggest fool this can make of you is to turn you into the fool who feels good more often.) Once feeling good becomes a normal way of life, inspired action will too. (That’s the way of it. You can’t NOT act when you feel great and ideas are flowing in.) Much love & many blessings, Jaya
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METAPHOR #1 OF 3 FOR EASIER (hu)manifestation  Photo of Trevi Fountain from Michele Bitetto on Unsplash. I’ll be dropping 3 metaphors for you to fine-tune your power to create what you want on your own. STORYTIME! My 19-year-old trip to Rome I got to do a year abroad in Strasbourg, France, during my second year of college, not the usual junior year, because I was already fluent in French. That was a later gift from having spent years of childhood in a small village in Normandy. So, like most American students there, I got the cheapest Euro-train pass then available and did some traveling during school breaks. I got to have a super-satisfying trip to Florence (one reason A Room with a View is a film I keep watching) with a few Americans from my program, so I headed to the tip of Italy with one of them to fairy across to Greece. After a sweaty, crowded train ride that lasted too many hours, my companion got anxious about school and headed back to Strasbourg. Crossing into another country alone felt beyond my reach, so I ended up on a late-night train to Rome on my own. I was already in love with Italy, I had train and hostel systems down, so what could go wrong, right? Hey, a bunch of my readers have bodies containing a uterus, and others know people who do, so I’m not holding back here. I started bleeding during the night with the usual copious flow and woke up—um, how do you say …?—a hot mess. I tied a sweater around my waist and hoped I didn’t smell like fresh road kill to other travelers. I was quietly mortified, huddled on the edge of a train car filled chiefly with men speaking other languages. In my mind, they were surely discussing the atrocity of me. So here’s a summary of my abysmal trip to Rome for your metaphorical pleasure. I checked in at the hostel and right away happened upon someone I knew there, probably my least favorite American in our study-abroad group. She was an insecure chick with flyaway hair (let’s call her Fly) who talked too much and too nervously, lingering in eddies of details that invariably circled around to self-deprecation. But yay, someone familiar. I got cleaned up and struck out alone to get a quick glimpse of the Trevi Fountain—an amazing sight, to be sure, but I hadn’t shaken off my journey. Cloaked in the shame I wore in, I felt unworthy of viewing this wonder so I gazed quietly from a safe distance, a party crasher hugging the wall by the exit. Then I met up with Fly to go out on the town, though not exactly in high spirits. Somehow (I don’t remember how), we ended up going along with two charming Italian guys proposing in broken English to show us the Coliseum. I can still picture us standing on the Rome metro as I gripped some steadying bar and glimpsed suspiciously at the undeniably gorgeous guy I’d been paired with. The pairings happened instantly and wordlessly between the two men based on who’s-hotter rules that didn’t need speaking. I’ll mention I was the beautiful one because I now know that meant nothing but this: there I was giving some false impression of my value, the truth of which would surely soon expose me as a fraud. This unspoken sensation was more destabilizing than the jolts of the city train rushing me to what had to be the next humiliation. (Don’t worry, no trigger warning needed for what follows.) Turns out the Coliseum, a stunning, still light show in the night, was and perhaps still is a popular make-out place. The guys weren’t proposing to be tour guides (I know you’re shocked). Though I had no sense of personal power at the time, it also turned out that these hormone-driven dudes meant no harm, so Fly and I took some easy exit stage left (details elude me here too) and went on our way without further escort. The next day, I braved one more solo venture, putting myself on a train back to Strasbourg. Fly saw me off from the hostel breakfast room, mentioning to her coffee that she knew from the start I wouldn’t last. My trip to one of Europe’s most desirable cities was a conspicuous failure, and so was I.  Image from back of train of view of train taking a curve through a country setting from Tushar Ranjan on Unsplash. And the point is? Mind that the journeys you take match the destinations. We human beings take harrowing journeys all the time on the way to the very places where we wish to have wonderful, fulfilling, satisfying experiences. Have you done this? I invite you to actually answer that question and find where you’ve innocently used this misguided tactic. Let me jog your brain a bit. You looked (or are looking) for a romantic/primary partner (you know, the one you want to have a harmonious, fun, and connected relationship with) while
You worked or are working at a decent job with the intention of getting a promotion into a position you really want (the one that will feel like a joy to walk into daily) while
You wanted or want to get a more solid footing financially (to feel at ease, competent in your adulting, free to make some choices for a good life) and sought or seek to do that while
Like the other LOA principles I talk and write about, I got this from Abraham-Hicks: How can you expect to have a beautiful outcome to a horrendous journey? It’s a good question that begs a few others:
My time in Rome was just as unpleasant as my journey there, and my view of myself and mental climate rode in on the train with me and didn’t let me go just because Rome is Rome. And the familiar person I found there wasn’t a fun and wonderful person I was thrilled to see, but the self-deprecating worm of a person who reflected what I was feeling myself to be. Fly was actually my perfect match, the just-right impromptu traveling companion for me in that moment. I did get the benefits of not being all alone on foreign ground while on my most wobbly footing, but the person who showed up only confirmed how I was viewing myself and my prospects for a positive experience then and there. This is LOA in action. It’s not life trying to be cruel or punitive. It’s just the law of like attracts like. I invite you to stop trying to get to a high place with your focus, mood, thoughts, self-image, view of others, conversation (etc, etc) aimed low where it’s dingy and grimy! That just called to mind the old line from Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, remember? There’s plenty like me to be found—mongrels, who ain’t got a penny, sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground. LOA, folks. Mongrels find mongrels. Miserable journeys yield miserable ends. Please don’t set yourself up to arrive in paradise with your hackles up and your blood pressure through the roof. It really doesn’t work that way. Interrupt and soothe any focus that feels unlike what you’re after. Get to where you’re going while reaching constantly for the same feeling and mindset you wish to have once you’re there. ENJOY THE JOURNEY. This isn’t that hard. It really helps if you’re committed to and keep practicing feeling good, then you’ll interrupt more quickly what doesn’t and you’ll head that way again swiftly, now and now and now. I know I’m asking a lot: practice feeling better as you head toward what you think will feel better. Love & blessings, Jaya Manifestation metaphor #2 addresses the revolving door of the resistant mind. Manifestation metaphor #3 points out the old warped mirrors held up for you. second (hu)manifestation nugget This writing contains one manifestation principle plus: 1) some thoughts to support your deeper understanding; 2) some ways to play with it and practice.
Here’s nugget #2. LOOK AWAY FROM CURRENT CONDITIONS. WHAT THIS MEANS Current conditions means just that: the things you perceive and can name that describe your reality at this moment in time. Most people love to gaze at and talk about current conditions—but especially focusing on the parts that aren’t wanted, that describe what’s wrong or what’s missing, or that fuel discontent! For example:
A typical argument for paying close attention to current conditions is that they tell the truth! This is the REALITY. We must be rational adults and look at that head on. Anyone who’s worked with or read me knows I’m a fan of reality. It’s great to be real about what is and not tell ourselves pretty or ugly little lies. HOWEVER, when we focus on what’s wrong, what’s missing, what’s not the way we want it, then that’s what we’re keeping in view & amplifying—and that’s what we become a match for. Most people have heard the Law of Attraction 101 statement (it’s probably a poster you can buy at a box store by now) WHAT YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS. (Too bad it’s not the seventies—would’ve been a velvety neon blue-light poster.) What you carry around as your predominant focus creates your internal climate, then that’s what you see all around you and call forth. Anyone who’s been focused on what BOTHERS them about their mate has seen those things get bigger and bigger, or has been mirrored by their partner being equally BOTHERED by them—or both! Apply that to anything in life. One way to see this differently is to think of what’s happening now, those current conditions, as the result of what you’ve been up to and what you’ve been thinking about and how you’ve been feeling. What’s here now really tells the story of what you’ve been focused on before. If you’ve felt stuck financially, you’ve been worried about money, you’ve given lots of attention to what you don’t have or what isn’t coming in … then you’re a match for the low number currently in your bank account. But your power is here and now, and what you’re thinking, feeling, and focusing on NOW can create a very different set of current conditions, perhaps sooner than you think. Feeling good, prosperous, capable of generating funds and good ideas for how to get more; appreciating how well your needs are met right now in the less-than-ideal current reality—all of that will make you a match to a different number in your bank account. So that’s why it’s (really & truly) okay, as a reasonable person doing your fair share of responsible adulting, to look away from current conditions. They describe what you’ve been up to before. They invite (maybe BEG) you to focus on what’s more to your liking NOW, so that you become a match to (and have inspired ideas that match) something much closer to your ideal vision. HOW TO WORK WITH THIS CONCEPT Once you opt in to the idea that you don’t want to focus on current conditions—or are willing to launch a grand experiment focusing on the wanted that’s already here in your life and keeping your gaze on the vision of what you want—then it’s really just a matter of INTERRUPTING thoughts that bring you back to fixating on what is, as you get increasingly disgruntled or disgusted or distressed. Interrupting is an underrated tool. Interrupt early and often. Stop the thoughts that take you in the wrong direction. Quit talking about it. Interrupt it mid-sentence. If you can say it sweetly, just tell yourself, Oh, shut up, sweetheart. Then REFOCUS as quickly, clearly, and deliberately as you can on what you want and what’s already here that you appreciate. Speak (and think) the vision, not the current conditions. Speak the wanted, not the unwanted that seems to pervade your reality. Reviewing and telling your current conditions AGAIN will get you focused some more on what’s lacking—and make you a match for lack, for stuck, for wondering when what you want will ever come your way. If you can’t feel good or empowered about the problematic topic yet, just refocus anywhere, onto something-anything-whatever you can feel good about easily. Go play. Be in nature. Do a work task that’s easy or pleasurable, that makes you feel competent or kind of brilliant. Hang out with someone who wants to talk about something beautiful or inspiring or hilarious. Current conditions tell the story of yesterday’s focus. Your power is in your focus here and now, and placing that on what you want and what’s already here and working well for you. Love & blessings, Jaya Find the first (hu)manifestation nugget here. Find the third (hu)manifestation nugget here.  Photo of tall bins of dried legumes at a market. From v2osk on Unsplash. How we do put things in categories It’s as if we human beings can’t make sense of life unless we think and talk and dream and plot & scheme in terms of separate realms of life that we can name. For example:
Florence Scovel Shinn, author of The Game of Life and How to Play It, posited four squares of life: 1) health, 2) wealth, 3) love, and 4) perfect self-expression. There are many ways to slice the pie. Sometimes, I find myself pointing out to a client that the Universe doesn’t care about realms of life. Ultimately, it’s all your one life. We slice it up into (and fixate on) the categories to manage it all and to sort through it mentally and conversationally. And why do I feel the need to point that out? Why does that even matter? It matters in a huge and perhaps surprising way. When you fixate on a category that’s wobbly, thorny, painful, baffling—problematic in any way--you feel bad. Then, perhaps, you tend to focus on how bad you feel about it, and you keep it in view mentally so you don’t lose track of this problem you need to solve. You put what’s not working under the microscopic, so it takes up your whole field of vision and determines your feeling state. Familiar? Quick LOA review In Law of Attraction (LOA) terms, you’re now a match for the problem, not the solution. You’re pointing at what you don’t want—whereas the advice for harnessing the power of LOA (which, like gravity, is operative whether you use it to your advantage or not) is to point at, or keep the focus on, what you DO want. Remember, what you focus on expands. The feeling state you’re cultivating determines what you’re calling in. And since what you point toward also establishes the direction you’re heading, then when you fixate on a currently (or chronically) dissatisfying life category, you’re pointing toward what you don’t want—and building momentum in the wrong direction, propelling yourself toward the unwanted. Applying this to life categories Let’s say your love life isn’t to your liking and your brow furrows and your heart feels heavy when you think about it; whereas other realms of life are going pretty well. Maybe work is really humming along and your home has never felt more welcoming and containing and aligned with your aesthetic. How does it benefit you that the Universe doesn’t care about categories? You can actually make your life better by looking away from your love life. GET OFF THE TOPIC of the problematic category. For those of you already objecting, I’m not saying never think about it. I’m not saying don’t sit with it in a clear state and with an open mind to invite inspiration and right action. But that's not what most of us do with the thing that isn’t going great for us. Typically, we ruminate, or get in our heads about it, and focus on it in tense & straining, discouraged & disempowered ways. We grip the problem (or wrestle it to the ground, as Abraham-Hicks says) and either force solutions or brood about the complexity & perhaps hopelessness of the whole thing. Again, this makes us a match to the problem, not the solution. We’re contracted and unhappy, and (you know the difference viscerally, right?) not relaxed, trusting life, open to the multiple solutions that want to come in—never mind what we do or don’t see here and now. So what if you gave relaxed, appreciative, even joyful attention instead to what’s going well? As you focus on what you feel good about, the multiple areas in your life where things are easy & running smoothly, the areas of success and flow, the stuff that satisfies and generates new ideas & creative impulses … then you become a match for more of that. You invite more of that (watch for more of that, notice more of that, generate more of that).  Photo of a colorful outdoor market, with areas of flowers, baskets, and clothing visible. From Roberto Carlos Román Don on Unsplash. Then what about the category that’s not going great? As you keep the realms of life that are going well in view, and focus there, and thus build your predominant feeling state from there (i.e., you feel good more & most of the time), then the Universe, or LOA, is happy to flow that over to any specific category, because CATEGORIES DON’T MATTER. (I could almost say they’re not real.) It’s really all you. So imagine what happens with the hard stuff when WHO YOU ARE is the happy, relaxed, trusting one who generally feels great about your life. I invite you to literally imagine it. To think back to when you’ve felt that way. To take in others around you who live that way. Make this as real to yourself as you can, mentally, so that you’re more likely to live into it in the practical day-to-day of it. But what about DEALING WITH what’s not going right? Well, again, NO RUMINATING. (That puts you in ongoing focus on problems and robs you of presence. It keeps you from enjoying what’s going well and optimizing what you have the power to control right now. Otherwise stated: it keeps you from loving your beautiful life.) Choose CONSCIOUSLY and well the moments when you do think CLEARLY about the tricky, dissatisfying stuff. Go in when you’ve been focused on the good stuff, so you feel clear and capable and optimistic about things moving forward. Then you’re just sitting down with something to tend in your beautiful life, even if it’s not your favorite thing. You’re simply showing up for yourself when it’s time to pay bills or look something up or go to the appointment or add up numbers or do just one next thing that seems aligned with a sense of possibility. You aim roughly in the right direction and trust your capacity to course-correct. Coming in relaxed and happy and open to inspiration and guidance, you no longer approach this previously problematic category as some impossible puzzle to solve, or an ugly, tangled mess that no comb could ever smooth out, or even something that, in your case, at least, is just beyond hopeless. It matters that categories don’t matter because you can just focus more generally on all you love in life, and then create more of what you love in every single aspect of this one life. See how that works? Are you doing it already sometimes? (Please do bother to take in where you’ve already experienced this! Know that you know this already!) Would you like to do it more and better? I’ve found it to be a marvelous thing for a grand experiment, a worthwhile project, an enjoyable bit of play in stirring up more of what you love. Love & blessings, Jaya Further reading, anyone? I’ve written before about the wisdom & power of getting off the topic. Here’s more on being a match to the problem, not the solution. And here are some anti-rumination bits to check out:
There’s a miraculous little search bar on my website! I’ve also written about course-correcting, feeling good or just feeling better, running grand experiments, following your (very own & unique) guidance system, teaching yourself from what you’ve cleaned up before, and … a whole bunch of stuff to support you in well-being and thriving. a simple tool for quick course-correction  Photo of ballet dancers in arabesque on pointe from Daniel Neuhaus on Unsplash Want an even quicker read? Go through and just read the bold. That tells the whole story. Pivoting is both a simple concept and a simple tool. It’s not even a process. It’s a quick mental adjustment you make and keep making to go from the unwanted to the wanted. Use it while in motion or being still. Use it while working, walking, cooking--whenever you’re capable of having a thought and being aware of that thought. Use it while waking or dropping off to sleep. Anytime, just for a moment. Yep, this is also from Abraham-Hicks. Pivoting has 3 steps. 1) You notice something that’s not to your liking. 2) You consider what WANTED thing corresponds to this UNWANTED thing. 3) You shift your focus to the WANTED. Examples: 1) You notice you’ve been getting sloppy with punctuality again. 2) You make a mental note that you prefer being a little early to be ready on time. 3) You feel great about that decision (instead of bad about the lapse) and you head out (or to the computer) early for the next appointment. 1) You notice you’re having an irritation response. 2) You pivot toward soothing what bothers you and toward accepting what is, as it is, here and now. 3) Right now, you breathe, relax the muscles that tensed up, tell yourself it’s really okay. 1) You notice you’ve been doing too much and things feel glutted. 2) You pivot toward doing less, finding pauses, making spaces. 3) You tell the story of increasing spaciousness and do every little thing you see to promote that—tidy up this corner of the cabinet, say no just to something between you & you (that shopping trip can actually wait, and today I stay home); say no to an invitation even if it has appeal—because it’s more appealing to do less right now. Notice from the above examples that what brings the UNWANTED into focus, and thus the call to PIVOT, is simply that SOMETHING FEELS BAD. When you become quickly responsive to the signals that something feels bad (these signals come from your own system—body, heart, head), then you pause with what you’re noticing and … PIVOT. What’s so radical—or more to the point, HELPFUL--about this? I recently heard this gem (during an Abraham Now program): “You can’t get around how you feel when you’re amplifying how you feel with sentences.” Ever notice you put A LOT of language—even just words in thought, not necessarily spoken—to what you feel? Noticing you’re exhausted, you declare exhausted. You review what’s been exhausting in your life. You give lots of weight to what you can’t control that exhausts you (so now you’re a victim of and stuck in exhausting circumstances). You put much focus on how bad it feels in your body. In short, you tell the story of EXHAUSTED. So when you have this PIVOT concept in view, noticing exhaustion, you pivot. You tell the story of rest and rejuvenation instead. And then it’s not so hard to get around how you feel. Your (chosen) focus is now on rest and rejuvenation, you choose your inner and outer narratives accordingly, and you also make choices accordingly.  Photo of owl pivoting head & gaze from Getty Images on Unsplash. And that’s how you apply it as you go. So let’s go over those 3 ways to apply the pivot one more time: 1) You focus on whatever you’re pivoting toward (e.g., rest & rejuvenation). 2) You choose your inner and outer narratives accordingly. 3) You make ongoing choices to keep heading that way. As always, it helps to BRING IT TO NOW. Just right now, I can let go of something and go to bed earlier. Now, I can slow down a bit and do an easier version of the task. Right now, I can pause for 15 minutes and meditate or lie down and rest. You could make pivoting a way of life! You could swiftly learn to shift …
Have you ever had some of the most satisfying change come from some simply concept you simply applied? I invite you to try that out with PIVOTING. Love & blessings, Jaya |
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