​I was doing a focus wheel early one morning to get my head space right where I wanted it. (Focus wheels are FUN and you can add color or use different colored pens. TRY IT. No tool is better for pointing yourself properly toward the day or some specific task or event that you notice has anything sticky or heavy in it for you.)

Somehow the lightening sky caught my attention through a window and I had the impulse to jump up, step outside, and look up.

And then I didn’t want to. It’s getting cold, and I’m not acclimated yet, and I tend to resist cold.

And I accused myself of not focusing if I got up. (It’s a weird way we talk ourselves out of following guidance—with some righteous-sounding accusation.)

But that place in my side where I got the tug was still doing something, and I’m pretty committed to following those nudges & impulses when I get them. So I got up and went outside.

Wow. The air was amazing, if a little cold—then the longer I stayed the more I felt into how fine it was to feel cold. The clouds were kind of blushing just a little bit with the edge of the sunrise (which is mostly blocked where I am, so I LOVE when I step out while the clouds are still reflecting some color). The moon was a skinny sliver, which may be my favorite phase in its cycles—and most certainly is my favorite in the now-moment when I catch it in that phase.

And then as I stood there, I happened to look down and over as a rabbit popped out of a hiding place and hop-ran away from my human presence. They may not have been happy to see me, but I was oh so happy to see them. I love a rabbit sighting, and I’d been thinking I hadn’t seen one in a while.

And then I looked up at the moon and clouds and sky again and remembered something I love to say to myself: let the morning make its impressions on you. I did that. I loved it. And I felt so alive.

Let the morning make its impressions on you. You can place any word you like in the slot morning is taking up in that sentence. However you fill in the blank, the idea here is a call to PRESENCE.

Fully take in the thing you’re bringing awareness to. Let it make its impressions on you. Feel it in body and heart. There’s head-center stuff to notice too—like associations, symbology, or even just using what you perceive to consciously tell yourself things: This is a lovely morning. What an amazing way to start the day. This is going to be a great day.

This is not a wow or intense story. There’s no car chase. No falling in love, except with the moon, all over again. Nothing extraordinary or even worth writing about.

Except I really wanted to write about it because it has huge implications for your connection to your guidance system, and for living the life you want.

I want to invite you to follow those impulses that make you feel alive. That’s one way you know it’s a good impulse. (Okay, sure, if you’re an adrenaline addict or if anything that’s really self-harming makes you feel alive while you’re healing something, this does not apply.) For the impulses to do what nourishes your soul and thus your entire being, go. Jump up. Step out.

Let some small thing be worth a moment of disturbance, like it’s worth it to drink water, to do a stretch, to gaze at a face you love in the middle of your work day or any activity.

Notice your resistance to following those impulses. Don’t worry about it or judge it. Don’t even sit around asking, Why do I resist these things? Do notice. Notice that you’re calibrated to talking yourself out of things that actually align with what you say you want or value or who you want to be or how you want to live.

That’s no problem, because we all do this. And we all have a guidance system that’s equipped to move us through and around resistance. We all have resistance. It’s a wacky human thing. Do be aware of it and notice it, and just take a moment to call it what it is: it actually helps to name your resistance.

We sometimes especially resist little things. You won’t make or break anyone’s day or ruin their life if you push against an impulse to go look at the moon.

But actually, you could change your day more than you suspect in the moment. You will certainly rob yourself of that dance with consciousness in which you’re constantly whisper-called and gently nudged, again and again, so kindly, so gently, to all that you want.

And when you practice following those tiny impulses with the little things, you get really good at doing the dance (YOUR DANCE WITH CONSCIOUSNESS) and you can apply it in all things large or small. Most of us talk back to some absurd percentage of the guidance-system impulses that come our way. What if you didn’t?

What could your life become if you made it a practice to just respond, now, to all the nudges toward LIFE and feeling alive and taking care of yourself and reaching out to someone and and and …

Find easy, tiny ways to just respond to the guidance. It’s actually not inconsequential to let the dawn make its impressions on you. Or to throw into the pot the random spice you just thought of or the vegetable that caught your eye. It does something to get up and brush your teeth when you feel the tug to go do that next. Follow your guidance system. One tiny impulse at a time, it will get your right where you want to be.

And one noticing and countering of resistance at a time, you’ll become a well-tuned dance partner to this custom-made guidance system that kind of only has eyes for you—and actually has the good of all concerned forever simultaneously in view. You really can’t go wrong. Wanna make it a practice?

Love & blessings, Jaya

Here’s what I’m not saying. I’m not saying BE more and DO less.

That’s an old construct that was nice to talk about when we first thought to bring the concept of being front and center. (That is so way yesterday!) And maybe no one had dared think in terms of doing less as something sane and good because we were just all about efficiency and cramming in more.

It’s truer to say that being & doing go together. Be vs. Do is an example of a binary, which is always ultimately a false construct. In fact, if you’re doing, you’re being, and if you’re being, you’re doing. They are inextricable one from the other.

So don’t be versus do. Be fully. Be in the fullness of all that you are. Do fully. Do with all your caring and creative verve, and opt in fully wherever you opt in. Be present in body, mind, and heart to what you’re doing. (That is, make it your doing to come back to being.)

Do nothing just to get through it. Do everything because this is your beautiful life and this is the thing to do right now in support of your beautiful life, and all its beautiful parts.

• Do the dishes that way
• Do conversations that way, even with customer service
• Do lovemaking and even hugs that way
• Do walking that way, whether moving away from or moving toward
• Do creative brainstorming that way
• Do work tasks that way
• Do dancing that way
• Do connecting to nature that way
• Do all connecting and dropping in with another and bouncing energies back and forth that way

If you’re being while doing, you’re inhabiting this moment and opting in fully to what you’re doing. You’re here, in presence. You’re inhabiting the body. You’re connected to breath. (Or, again, just coming back. Keep coming back.)

So why did I title this DO LESS?

When you’re doing without being, you’re doing unconsciously.  You’ve literally withdrawn your consciousness from the doing. You’re in autopilot. You’re just doing the thing to do it and check it off the list. You might actually do less (or do more things one at a time, with a more one-pointed focus) in order to marry doing & being together in the most beautiful way.

So here are some things you might consider playing with, more or less:

• Multitask less.
• Put your phone down more.
• Ruminate way less.
• Come back to the breath way more.
• Do less while talking and listening.
• Go outside more.
• Do less figuring.
• Tell yourself way more often you don’t have to figure it out right now.
• Do less staying with thoughts & feelings that feel bad.
• Do more interrupting of what feels off, early & often.
• Do less because you think you have to do it or someone will be disappointed or this is the way you always do it or [fill in your own old bullshit concept that still gets you]
• Do more because it feels good, it makes you laugh, it’s kind, it brings you to this precious moment here & no
• Watch squirrels more, run with the chickens more, look up at the sky more

THESE TWO PARAGRAPHS ARE FOR MILDLY-BUT-TENACIOUSLY ADDICTED ADDICTS. (Oh, yeah. That’s everybody.)

Do the things you feel divided about in a single focus and opt in fully. (Eating, smoking, drinking, playing the game, watching whatever …) What do you keep telling yourself you should quit or do less of or do differently? Start by giving it your full permission and full opt-in and full presence as you do it.

Example: go sit outside and smoke, and do nothing else. Experience it, because you’re not NOT smoking, so SMOKE. Don’t be divided. If you’re not ready to quit, drop in for real. Do it while being, while being present to alllllllll that comes in for you as you do it, including pleasure, self-disapproval, old voices, your own guidance system. Witness it all. Get present to it. Your experience will shift.

The best (and EASIEST) way to marry together doing and being is to come back to presence, often, in anything you’re doing. Inhabit your body (drop in consciously and feel it, ground it). Inhabit the breath (take MANY moments to feel what breathing feels like right now). (Stay with that for at least a full breath cycle.)

Let every moment and your whole being and life be fuller and more conscious. Do less. Do more while being. Appreciate this beautiful life and the fullness of all that you are.

Love & blessings, Jaya

​Where did I even learn the term set point? I looked it up for this writing and this is what I found (from Merriam-Webster): the level or point at which a variable physiological state (such as body temperature or weight) tends to stabilize.

So that’s the level or point where things will naturally head back to when something interrupts homeostasis. Of course—you already know this—I’m interested in the psychological or personality application.

Storytime (and what got me thinking about set points)
I’m on crutches right now, so basic navigation—moving from point A to point B—has changed. This has called forth other changes to make daily life work, including rearranging of physical space. The layout of my mom’s home, where I’m currently staying, includes quite a large single-room space that contains living room, dining room, and kitchen.

At the end of a table that takes up most of the designated eating area, there’s a place where my mom habitually sits to do stuff, on and off all day, for many hours of the day. Behind that spot is the kitchen area—you know, food, water, appliances.

Her place isn’t large, but I’m thin and usually agile, so walking around her chair into the kitchen area was never a problem before.

But now I’m on crutches. Not only do I take up more space, but now the word agile wouldn’t remotely apply to how I move my body. To make this whole current reality work, we angled the table differently, putting Mom’s usual chair over closer to wall and fridge—still at the same end of the table (no DRASTIC difference), but oriented differently. Her chair (therefore, she) sits in a different spot on her floor, but still at the same end of the table. Got the picture?

This very simply makes a larger opening beside her, where I can easily get through on crutches as I go back and forth. That’s the new thing we established that we both like better given current reality.

That is, I get through easily WHEN SHE STAYS OVER THERE. In that new space we created, just a few inches over, where it actually now works better for all involved.

But the habitual set point seeks to reassert itself. Constantly. She’s sat in that chair doing stuff FOR YEARS. At a certain specific place. So while she’s 100% willing to have the table pointing differently and have her chair over a bit … she keeps scooching back unconsciously to where she’s always sat.

It’s like a force field that sucks her back over, an incredible magnet charged with the power of HABIT.

So I just point it out when I can’t get through again, and she scoots back over, and all is well.

Until she gets sucked over to the habitual place again—to the set point. Which is fine. One of us notices again, and she scoots back over.

It seems to be happening less often.

Okay, personal-growth wonders, do you even need me to draw out this metaphor for you?

My fondest wish (okay, just one of them) would be that, everybody, stop getting upset and horrified and aghast and baffled and [fill in your favorite reactive adjective] when you find yourself doing that old thing you said you weren’t going to do: maybe you’ve talked about it in therapy, you’ve got crystal-clear self-awareness around it (or it’s getting ever clearer), you really really don’t want to do it the old way (it feels AWFUL when you do). … So why the fuck do you keep doing it?

Why I’d love for you not to get upset (yes, I do want you to find where YOU do that to YOURself), is because that’s just actually how it works. It happens. It’s okay. That’s really the way of it. There’s some set point you’ve habituated to, and it WILL pull you back to the place you know so well, even if you hate it. Even if you thought you’d done so much work on it that you could never get sucked over there again.

Sometimes people claim that they’re comfortable in some awful feeling or behavior or way of being they disapprove of, and I challenge them. They usually end up agreeing with me that it’s actually not comfortable—it’s habitual. It acts as a set point that’s so well-reinforced, it just sucks you back to its established place.

So, to offer 9 examples, perhaps you recognize some set point in yourself around:

1. doing way too much and missing the journey as you rush from goal to goal, checking off all the boxes along the way
2. anxious hyper-preparing or looking back to question choices already made & things already done
3. hyper-managing or -controlling and finding everything problematic and just wrong
4. doing way too much because there’s so much cool stuff to do and losing track of completions as you say yes to one more thing without having dropped in to the here and now
5. spiraling into shame or going for self-attack or the most negative interpretation of events
6. over-asserting your agenda and getting frustrated or PISSED OFF if it’s interrupted or thwarted
7. responding knee-jerk-style to take care of or rescue anyone in your vicinity who seems to need or want something from you
8. going numb or motionless or checking out without even leaving the room
9. think-think-think-ing to figure it out & fix it when the heart and body need attention

Hey, if (and only if) you want to play an Enneagram game, I’ll put a key below, at the end of this writing, for you to check whether you correlated these tendencies to the right core type. Reminder that more than one may apply to you, as more than one type neatly describes the whole of how any of us operates (though we all have a core type that is our core type for life). …

Do any of those 9 examples seem comfortable? They’re not. They’re totally habitual (some or predominantly one of them for each of you). They act as a set point. They will reassert themselves.

How do you undo it?
It’s all already written in the above, but I’ll lay it out simply below.

• Don’t judge it. In fact, expect it to show up again, because it will
• Now you can just NOTICE when it reasserts itself. Oh, this thing.
• Move back to or toward the place you’d prefer to be.
• Hang out there as consciously as you can.
• Notice again when you’re not there anymore—no problem—you just got sucked back to set point!
• Move back toward …

That’s right. Keep cycling through. Don’t make it a problem (it’s not). Accuse yourself of nothing. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, so just follow the directions with no dismay or self-castigation.

If you’d like to consider or watch for some other set points you may want to unwire and rewire, here are some ideas:

• how fast you walk, talk, eat, do anything
• how much force you use to do things (often more than required!—ever notice how you and/or others shut car doors?)
• what you do or how you feel when you first get up, go to bed, at any given point in a day that calls up habitual ways of being
• where you go mentally when you’re out of presence
• what you tell yourself when things go wrong [when you’ve had a so-called failure, when someone is mad at you or disappointed, when you weren’t productive or didn’t finish it, etc.]

We really can and do create new set points. You might consider some old ones you’ve extinguished (or considerably softened) and new ones already established. You can do this till you die. I plan to, and I know a number of good souls who live that way—so you’ll be in good company.

Love & blessings, Jaya
​

ENNEAGRAM KEY FOR 9 TENDENCIES ABOVE

1. THREE (the Achiever or the Performer)
2. SIX (the Loyalist or the Questioner)
3. ONE (the Reformer or the Judge)
4. SEVEN (the Enthusiast or the Adventurer)
5. FOUR (the Individualist or the Romantic)
6. EIGHT (the Challenger or the Boss)
7. TWO (the Helper or the Nurturer)
8. NINE (the Peacemaker or the Avoider)
9. FIVE (the Investigator or the Thinker)

​The following story has one purpose. To illustrate something for you so that you can find where this is operative in your life and being. So that you can feel inspired & empowered to change a story that keeps you down. Please be big and get out of your own way. You’re beautiful.

I used to struggle with insomnia. At age 25, it kicked in as a THING, as a debilitating oppressive miserable thing for me to reckon with. It came and went for years. So it was still a part of my reality after I went to the School for The Work of Byron Katie a couple of decades ago.

Except that next time insomnia struck, everything had changed in my perceptions. Everything had changed in how I met what life brought me. Byron Katie had taught me to question every story that didn’t make me feel good & peaceful & empowered & loving.

AND I was assiduously APPLYING what Katie had taught me, because at that point I’d gotten to some rock-bottom of (Enneagram Four-ish) suffering that I could no longer allow myself to hang out in.

I had so much story about insomnia. Here were some of the beliefs I was operating out of, WHETHER I ACTUALLY STATED THEM OR NOT, and some I stated A LOT:

• If I have even one bad night’s sleep, I will get stuck in a 2-4-week cycle of sleeplessness
• I am not okay if I’m lying awake
• It’s horrible if anyone wakes me up, and they are cruel and careless and don’t get it
• It’s horrible if any random event wakes me up, and it’s evidence of a cruel and careless Universe
• It’s an appropriate response to feel angry and miserable when I’m lying awake—who wouldn’t?
• I am not okay if I don’t get X hours of sleep per night
• I function very badly if I don’t sleep well
• I cannot get my needs met when I’m not sleeping well
• I am not fully responsible for how I behave when I’m sleep-deprived
• If I behave badly with other human beings when I’m exhausted & sleep-deprived, I’m a victim of insomnia and it’s not fair that my relationship with any other is being determined by this wretched condition
• Insomnia is a terrible affliction and I am terribly afflicted
• Insomnia makes people (me) crazy
• I will never get ahead in any realm of life and will forever be a loser because of the impact of insomnia on me
• Nothing works to fix this, and I’ve tried EVERYTHING (within my budget, which is limited, so I’m also a victim of that)
• I am not okay and life is decidedly against me

Let’s be clear. Some of the above statements may be true, or may be seen as true looking through certain lenses. This is why the second question of Byron Katie’s inquiry process is, Can you ABSOLUTELY know that it’s true? When we go to the absolute, we find that there are so many possible lenses to look through; we can no longer fully believe the one lens we’re looking through. That one lens may UNMISTAKABLY show us certain facts—but it also leaves out a whole bunch of other facts, some of which might point us to different conclusions. Or to fresh possibilities and curiosity. To something kinder and more empowering.

I did not question all of the above thoughts in formal inquiry. I did question some of them. I did notice the thoughts I was operating out of and I noticed that they weren’t telling me the whole absolute truth.

More important, this is what I did do. I decided that lying awake was something I could not control. If I could, I’d sleep well every single night. Since I couldn’t control it (or, since it wasn’t in my realm of agency), then it wasn’t my business. I got very curious, then, about what my business WAS while lying awake. What I discovered changed me profoundly. Changed my life. And cleared up my years-long history of insomnia.

If I were currently marketing a sleep program, I’d tell you a bunch of other things, like the rules for Lying Awake I developed. If you’re curious and think these could be relevant to you, check them out by following that link. You may find them super supportive.

Since I’m not giving a sleep program anytime soon as far as I know, what I most want to point you to here and now is the fact that I got into a different relationship with sleep because I STOPPED TELLING THE OLD STORY. It was a grand experiment. I stopped believing it and I stopped reviewing it and I stopped telling it.

The old story was demoralizing, defeating, deflating. It undid me. It kept me stuck. It kept me entrenched in victim mentality. Within the confines of that story, I saw no place to go to get any real relief or to create something different.

The new story was no story at all. I simply took in and accepted that until I was unconscious (asleep), then I was conscious. So perhaps all I needed to do in those moments was meet consciousness. That is, meet myself. Be with myself. Stay close to myself in this present moment. That’s it. That was my business. So, when lying awake …

• I stopped thinking about my problems and trying to fix them. (In fact, that was forbidden. I’d never gotten to good solutions that way anyway.)
• I stopped evaluating myself, my character, my worth, my growth trajectory—anything about myself or my life. (Strictly forbidden.)
• I stopped thinking (worrying) about tomorrow and how badly I’d function then and what I would or wouldn’t be able to do and what I’d fuck up or which more deserving sentient beings I might harm in my negative state. (Verboten! Let tomorrow take care of itself.)
• I stopped thinking I should be asleep. I got that from Byron Katie too. If I’m awake, I’m awake, so let me align with that reality. But not in order to do any of the things above (figure things out or fix them, evaluate, predict). And not to resist sleeplessness (I’m awake, and that’s that). Just to meet myself as consciousness here & now, because I’m conscious here & now.

In the absence of story, and with the idea of simply meeting myself as consciousness because I was conscious, I learned what is often referred to as mindfulness. Or, I taught myself how to meditate lying down, sometimes for hours. I just kept coming back to sensations in the body, fully dropping into the body (feeling the mattress and giving it my full weight), connecting to my five senses, and connecting especially to the sensation of breath, the felt sense of the breath. I hung out inside my own body, not in my head. If I felt emotions, I felt them in my body, and I did not analyze them or have thoughts about them or try to make them go away. I met them by sensing, with awareness, with breath.

I also dropped all story about what a sleep-deprived day needed to mean. This allowed me to come into an unprecedented level of self-care and of showing up just for this moment to learn (not predict, not fear, not worry about, not rail again, not resist in any way) what I was and wasn’t doing or achieving that day. This was the point in my journey when I started to come close to my guidance system, and follow all the flashes to call So-and-So, try this, ask for that, go ahead and do this, don’t do that, slow down, let go, do this at a lower standard than the default level, etc, etc. All of that came in IN THE MOMENT and required presence. Kind self-awareness.

You’re welcome to check out my guidelines for a sleep-deprived day right here.

Both during the night and during the day, I was practicing living in the power of now. I was discovering what not sleeping now meant NOW, instead of reaching for a heavy, tired, self-sabotaging story of horrors and then being stuck with how that story made me feel (and behave).

I was discovering what tired meant NOW. I found that I didn’t even need to call it tired. I could just show up, responsive to my body and how it felt right now. I could notice and respond to the ideas, or guidance, coming in about what to do or not do.

THIS WAS JUST ME LIVING MY LIFE IN THIS MOMENT—not me having insomnia. Not me stuck in another insomnia loop. It was just my current dance with consciousness, and right now (just right now), this is how I felt in the dance, and this is what I wanted to do. That is what I want to move toward. That other thing is what I want to move away from. A dance with consciousness constantly in the making, moment by moment, which required no hours of sleep, no certain sensations in or out of the picture, no figuring and evaluating and accomplishing and prediction. Nothing. Nothing except presence.

I had a few remarkable experiences of being bone tired and in pain one moment, and some minutes later, having not focused on that or made it into a problem or getting caught up in worry or fear or faulting myself—I was fine. No symptoms. No signs of sleep deprivation.

What did it cost me to change my story? It required:

• letting go of the old story—all things previously decided
• letting go of the identity that went with that story
• practicing presence now & now & now & now & now & now
• relentlessly interrupting the old story & coming back to presence

That’s pretty much it.

I invite you to it. In what realm of life would you like to drop ALL STORY? Where do you think it would be (or has been) hardest for you to do so? Do it there!

Or not. Do it somewhere easier. But since it doesn’t matter where you practice it, do it where you most want something different. Get out of story, get into presence (body, breath, and the 5 senses, which will only ever report THIS MOMENT to you—not your past experience or story; not what the future will bring; not your thoughts & beliefs about things).

In my current reality, I sometimes sleep badly. I don’t mind. I meet myself during the night. I meet myself however I feel the next day, now & now & now (which means, how I feel keeps shifting—it’s not fixed). I do not have insomnia. I do not fear insomnia. I have changed this aspect of my life that I felt entirely powerless over. I invite you to the same, because this is available to all of us.

We all have access to INTERRUPTING OUR STORIES and COMING INTO PRESENCE. Do it relentlessly. Do it as if you mattered to yourself, as if your well-being mattered to you. As if you were not longer willing to abandon yourself in the old story while stubbornly calling it truth or just the way things are. Please.

Love & blessings, Jaya

Oh, dear ones, how normal is it for big feelings to sometimes hit hard as we navigate Corona times? Stomach-dropping fear anyone? Roiling, buzzing anxiety? Chest-gripping grief? I invite you to judge nothing—by which I always mean NOTICE that you're judging it and seek to release judgment: welcome yourself to the human race; meet whatever you're experiencing now knowing you can be feeling it only if millions of others feel it too.

I offer you 2 resources here:

1. a profound and deeply calming 20-minute meditation on dropping deeper into love
2. a practical piece of writing on dropping in when you're overloaded with hard-hitting emotion—drop into the feeling & drop into love (it's not that hard)

1. The HEART MEDITATION is deeply calming and connecting. You can do it either in the actual moment of meeting a strong emotion or when you simply choose to settle into the heart realm and find what's there. The meditation invites you to keep dropping in where perhaps you haven't yet—or never as you are right now in this fresh, all-things-new-all-things-possible moment.

2. The written part follows.

STEP-BY-STEP TACTICS TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY when strong emotions hit and you feel disconnected from love.

1. NOTICE AND MEET RESISTANCE.
This really means notice it and let it be there. You will resist. So get okay with that. But know that if you run with the resistance (otherwise stated, ignore it and let it dictate what you do or don't give attention to), you can't sort of reach around it to stroke and soothe what you're feeling. Resistance will take many forms, and may look like:

• powering through other tasks and pre-set goals as you feel worse and worse
• attacking yourself with words or literal physical harm (Watch for subtler versions and stop being okay with them—like just walking around vaguely feeling wrong and bad and like you're not managing this right or should be beyond this!)
• attacking someone else (outwardly or internally) and blaming them for what feels bad
• ruminating or obsessing about the story of the moment that correlates with the strong feeling—which keeps you at the mercy of the feelings while you harbor the illusion you're addressing some issue by "thinking about it"
• arguing for some limitation, especially by telling yourself you're stuck with these feelings, you won't be okay, you can't get your needs met, your future can only be bleak
• warding off the present moment (the only place in time where you can meet what you're feeling) by steeping in past stories or future predictions related to the story affecting you now; call yourself back to now and proceed to #2)

 
2. LOCATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO MEET WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
You don't have to make resistance go away! Once you notice it, accept that it's here; accept that we all resist. Then you can pause with it, breathe into it, and find your willingness to meet the strong emotion itself. Beyond your resistance is the thing that will set you free. Here, that means that beyond resistance is the emotion for you to meet directly by dropping in with it and feeling it fully.

You might simply tell yourself: Something feels awful here. Because something that feels awful is here, I'm willing to meet it. I'm willing to feel it. I can't just will it away, so I'll drop in to see what it has for me. I'm willing to feel bad, for now. I'm willing to feel whatever any human being might feel. I'm willing not to abandon myself here and now.

3. FEEL WHAT YOU'RE FEELING AS YOU INTEND CONNECTING TO LOVE.
Every emotion carries with it a call to love. Wow.
​

No matter how painful a feeling, no matter how close to the fear or hate end of the spectrum it may register, it only wants to call you back to yourself, back to self-acceptance, back to love.

It's actually amazingly easy to feel what you're feeling—as opposed to analyzing it, thinking about or mulling over the related story and all its gory details, or letting it engulf you in a toxic way.

You know what I mean by that toxic engulfment? You're there if you feel wretched with it; if you're despairing (even to the point of questioning your life's worth or declaring yourself hopeless for living it well); if you're steeping in your worst beliefs about yourself, others, your prospects, life itself. You're there if you feel all alone.

So how do you feel a feeling? This post will take you there (This is what X feels like), even as it connects you to all the other beings who feel it too, so you don't get lost in being alone or in feeling singular in or singled out by what you're feeling. Chapter 3 of Scooch! offers a lot on that topic in the Mind the Pain Body section (ch. 3 covers Mind the Pain Body, Tend the Mind).

More than anything, you drop in. You give yourself to locating IN THE BODY the specifics of what you feel:

• where is it?
• what are its parameters (how deep in & how far out does it go—perhaps even beyond the confines of the body)?
• what's the intensity level?
• what's the density?
• could you give it a color?

​Be a scientist collecting data on the body. See if you can do that without a lot of words or naming (or work up to that as you experiment with this method). Ultimately, all you're trying to do is FULLY feel whatever you're feeling, and feel it where it is—in the body.

Call on the breath as you do this. FEEL the movement of the breath as it already registers in your body. Then gently direct your breath to the place of pain.

That's all the pain body wants: awareness and breath. So drop in. Fully. Drop into the pain as you would something that feels great, relaxed, letting it have you: think of easing down into a jacuzzi and letting go, releasing all resistance.

4. SEEK TO LOVE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING—AND LOVE YOURSELF FEELING IT (HINT: neutrality is a great support).
This heart meditation (mentioned & linked above) will walk you through. Read on for some words to explain it.

Start with simply intending love. Remember that love doesn't need ANYTHING put on or forced. It doesn't need you to try to locate some approximation of feeling love. Love doesn't necessarily come with any particular feeling attached. You don't need to rev up inner flavors of sweet or kind or whatever loving means to you—or rather, to your disconnected self. Just let love be a powerful, neutral force that doesn't need you to cough up anything in order to show up and make itself known. It's already who you are in your essence. It already drenches the entire Universe. So simply intend connecting to that.

Since you're already dropping into the feeling and breathing it (if you've followed instructions in #3), now bring your awareness to your heart center and invite love. Relax muscles you don't need on the out-breath so you stay out of effort, and simply breathe in the intention, the invitation, the truth of love's inherent location everywhere—accessible from this specific area of the body (aka, the heart chakra).

You've JUST been exploring a feeling. See if you can head from that feeling/sensation to some neutral acceptance, even expectation, of love. Love as ever-present, inherently yours, beyond any need to earn it. Scooch that way and don't worry about getting there.

But let me stress the idea of NEUTRAL. It's powerful to just let love be, call it in, let it come as it will as you sit here as you are: you need ask nothing specific of love; it asks nothing of you except the letting go, the allowing. 

You'll love yourself better if you cultivate some connection to neutrality inside yourself, especially in painful or self-disapproving moments. It's neutral, in fact—because these are normal human things—to feel strong emotions, to feel out of control, to be confused and in the dark, to have a bad taste in your mouth, to have a wildly beating heart, to fear you won't be okay, to disconnect from your best self, to lose track of all hope, to not know what to do next. It gets easier to drop self-judgment if you can hold a neutrality toward anything you've habitually disapproved of (in yourself or others).

So I'll leave you there. This is a practice. Make it an experiment (perhaps a grand experiment while you're at it). Let it take you wherever it will. Come back and seek to meet yourself, your emotions, the heart space again and again and again. Especially during intense, hard times of collective fear, grief, and letting go, as we find ourselves living in now in the time of Corona.
 Love & blessings, Jaya
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