MOVE TOWARD/MOVE AWAY FROM

simple directions to simplify what feels complex

When people lay out a problem for me, often especially with the stuff involving other human beings, they often need to say A BUNCH OF STUFF to explain the complexity of their feelings and alllllllllll the factors that make knowing how to handle this one so very problematic. I’ve come to almost never trust the sense that (or the phrase) It’s so complicated.

CAN WE PLEASE MAKE IT A WHOLE LOT EASIER?

Think in terms of MOVE TOWARD or MOVE AWAY FROM.

How easy is that? One thing to assess: Do I want to move toward this, or do I want to move away from it?

Too easy? Well, what if you took a break from COMPLICATED and just played with this? Make it a grand experiment.

Also, note that very little harm could come of playing with simply moving TOWARD what right now feels like you want to move toward it, or moving AWAY FROM what right now feels like you want to move away from it.

And then to make it even easier …

Can we please also just bring it to now, so it’s about presence, tuning in to the guidance of the moment, being here & now with what’s actually happening in this moment, and how it’s currently hitting you, and what’s wanted in this moment?

Otherwise, you may go astray in these two ways to feel safer or more solid:

1. You may make global, fixed, forever decisions about people [or whatever]. As in, They have shown me they are always X [this is always X] [this always means X] …
2. You may create a formula to apply unilaterally (as if one size ever fits all). So add to the above, … and so I will always do Y with them [with this]. This is now my policy in every sitch that involves this person [this feeling] [this topic].

So bring it to now: RIGHT NOW, Do I want to move away from this or toward it?

C’mon, for real, LET THIS BE EASY! What could help you take this on as something easy to play with and worth playing with? Imagine stripping away all or any of the following:

• having to crack a code
• having to get it right
• figuring out what response would make you a good person
• weighing in what they want from you
• predicting whether they’ll be angry, disappointed, sad, not okay …
• worrying about what they’ll think of you
• agonizing over future implications
• bringing in the past (to keep something in view, prevent repetition, ensure consistency—whatever your innocent motive for calling in the past)
• telling yourself what’s wrong with you that this [person or sitch] brings up
• worse, figuring out what’s wrong with you

Just ask, Do I want to move toward this, or do I want to move away from it?

That’s it. Then, as you follow through, you can move angrily/agitatedly or calmly (so go for calmly when you can).

You can move saying a bunch of stuff (explain, defend, try to shape how they perceive you) or you can do it in silence or with just a few words (so go for silence or few words when you can).

You can move trying to evaluate yourself in the moment, or just follow what you want to move toward or away from as your grand experiment and evaluate later.

Evaluating now could quickly suck you into

• the old habitual response
• your stuff
• their stuff
• your head
• It’s so complicated

How simple are you willing to make this experiment?

Right now, do I want to move toward this, or do I want to move away from it?

Run your own experiment. I’ve found that I feel lighter, things feel easier, I’m more tapped into guidance, and life feels better when I’m stripping away complicated factors and moving (NOW, for now) toward or away from. I invite you to play with it and gather your own data.

Quick story if you’d like an illustration of the above points (skip it if you don’t want that). I recently wanted to contact some people I adore whom I met in Costa Rica when I was there for the first 3 months of 2023. And the mind started feeding me a bunch of complicated reasons why maybe I shouldn’t … I interrupted that mess. I grounded myself and connected to breathing and simply felt into whether I wanted to move toward or away from them RIGHT NOW. The obvious, instant answer was MOVE TOWARD THEM. (It can be so blessedly obvious and clear when all the blah-blah gets stripped away.) I made contact from a clear place and the result was a lovely and easy and fun connection in that moment. (We’d been having trouble connecting for a number of reasons, hence the mind’s access to evidence of complication.) I know I gave you a relatively low-stakes example (or at least I imagine it appears that way). Just play with it. You may find it applies a lot more often than you now imagine.

I also invite you to pause and take note of where you’ve already done or already do this! You know how to do this. Do it more. Make it a grand experiment for a while and consider making it a much more important part of your repertoire of tools to play with or ways to operate in the new era!

Right now, do I want to move toward this, or do I want to move away from it?

Love & blessings, Jaya