THE DISASTER-ZONE METAPHOR

for perspective & far greater ease in any challenge

Photo of a house off its foundation & on top of a car from John Middelkoop on Unsplash

​​Why would it be helpful to imagine you’re in a disaster zone?

Honestly, the mind and nervous system often act like we are when we’re not. Maybe you’ve noticed?

So play with me a moment here, but only because it could benefit you tremendously to feel at (greater) ease as you move through your most challenging situations, moments, and eras.

Let me quickly set the scene. When disaster strikes, all hell breaks loose. Buildings crumble to the ground or fill with water; roads get blocked; people don’t (and don’t even expect to) follow their usual routines; survivors may suddenly have new needs around first-aid care, food & water, shelter. All the usual ways of operating are tossed away—they’ve just become irrelevant, at least for the time being. The usual expectations of others are dropped, too—we’re not going to get mad at someone if they don’t show up on time for a schedule that’s been blown to pieces or if they don’t behave how we prefer for people to behave. We don’t expect things to be in their right places, as the house itself might be off its foundation and on top of the car. No one is shocked or launching into entitled complaining if there’s no available phone, or technology isn’t working, or help isn’t quickly forthcoming. No one expects to be comfortable or to have anyone else make them comfortable.

Application to follow.

Now imagine you’re attending the kind of social event that shakes up all your stuff; going on a blind date—or maybe any kind of date; gearing up for an interview for a job you really want; meeting family-of-origin characters at a gathering that has historically made you a little crazy; spending hours or days at the hospital as patient or support person, with a bunch of things up in the air—any number of possible outcomes and snags and edgy moments to meet along the way. Or just imagine (or notice, if this is current for you) that you’re in a tricky time because you’re healing something or learning new things that will be tested or moving through a situation that overwhelms you even though you chose it (a move, a break-up, a teaching gig). How could the disaster metaphor serve you?
​​

Photo of two people assisting a car on a severely flooded road in the city from Saikiran Kesari on Unsplash

​Seeing your current reality as if it were a disaster zone, try telling yourself some of these things:

• Of course I’ll have some discomfort. It’s okay.
• I’ll just aim for where I think I want to go at any given moment and head that way with no expectation of getting it right.
• I will prioritize calming myself and, when I can, be a calming presence for others.
• I’ll do my best to function well and serenely for myself.
• I’ll consider it a beautiful bonus if I can provide some support to others along the way.
• I will expect nothing of others: no niceties; no kindness; no ways of treating me or one another; no awareness of anything I’m going through; no certain volume or ways of speaking or setting up ambiance; no politeness codes; no doing what I like, the way I like it; no agreeing with me about priorities or anything else; no food that works just right for me; nothing to honor my preferences.
• I will remember I have choice and make my best choices now & now & now.
• I will keep releasing the many things I cannot control.
• I will remind myself often that there may be very little I can control right now, so I’ll seek to control myself in whatever ways I can.
• I will remember there’s nothing I have to do for anyone, and at times there may be nothing I can do, so that when I choose to do something for someone else I can feel good about the choice and give myself to it fully and willingly.
• I will treat nothing as shocking: people will do whatever they will do.
• I will keep moving toward what makes sense to me to move toward, and away from what it makes sense to me to move away from.
• I will follow my guidance system, not others’ ideas of what I should do. I will release them to theirs, whether I think they’re tuned in to that or not.
• I will prioritize tuning in to my own guidance system.
• I will remind myself that I’m guided, and keep responding to what feels aligned and what feels off, trusting my capacity to course-correct as I go.
• I will release how the journey goes, what happens next, how long things take to right themselves.
• If I do anything that makes sense and involves carrying on toward what seems right, and help anyone else along the way, I will declare success.
• I won’t be hard on myself; I won’t expect myself to be a superstar; I’ll cut others a lot of slack too.
• I will remind myself again that I am guided; I will do my version of praying; I will remember that if I’m alive, I’m here to live and love.

See how that could help you out when life pushes you to your walls?

Photo of rescue workers in a devastated neighborhood from Dmytro Tolokonov on Unsplash

​And then maybe you’ll appreciate any comfort. Maybe any kind of food will seem amazing to have. Maybe any way your body functions will seem like a perfect miracle. Maybe you’ll be all tapped in to all that supports you. Maybe you’ll notice and be moved by any decency from anyone. Maybe you’ll slow down and just let things be as they are, and notice that it’s good enough for now and getting better. Maybe any modicum of fun or laughter will seem like more than you could’ve hoped for--again, a perfect miracle.

A client’s challenging situation recently reminded me of this, and I realized from a search on my website (did you know there’s a lovely search bar on my site?) that I hadn’t properly written about it. I mentioned the disaster-zone metaphor briefly in a bit about getting through holidays well. And now I’ve officially written about it and we can all play with it to keep making easier and more manageable anything that we might believe is hard.

Love & blessings, Jaya