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This page contains my rules for lying awake, followed by guidelines for a sleep-deprived day.
If you'd like to hear two audios to support you in practicing (experimenting with) this way of meeting yourself in sleeplessness, please follow this link. Finally, I'm linking in the button below 100 ways to meet consciousness while you're conscious during the night, or lying awake. Don't try to go back to sleep--you can't control that. But if you're seeking to lie awake well, as consciousness meeting consciousness (which really means, meeting yourself), here are some excellent jobs to give to the mind in support of that excellent and super self-honoring project. I find I want to make the disclaimer that this pdf needs some edits--for example, the TOC doesn't quite match the actual page numbering. I'd rather offer it to you imperfectly than wait for this to come to the top of my to-do list. These resources are gold. I invite you to make the most of them. |
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rules for lying awake
Rule #1: Drop any thought of sleep. Let go of sleep completely.
Don't think you should be asleep, because you’re not. This is ultimate nonresistance, or aligning with the reality of being awake. Whatever you're doing here, it's not trying to go back to sleep. In fact, drop all striving. Here you are, as you are: there's nothing to fix; there's no problem. For now, it looks like you're awake. Thinking you should be asleep keeps you from a peaceful experience of this moment. Thinking you should be asleep could be the main thing keeping you from sleep. It’s definitely keeping you from rest.
Rule #2: I'm conscious. It must be time to meet consciousness.
Saying this to yourself (say it aloud if it helps) further aligns you with nonresistance. It also opens you to an experiment with a friendly Universe, in which you consider the possibility that all that happens is for your good—nothing comes to squash or thwart you, not even a sleep deficit. Even that is here to further heal & evolve you. Harness this idea to support you to meet consciousness right now, with curiosity. Drop into being held by love.
Rule #3: Give yourself to rest.
Let go of sleep, but also set yourself up to make the most of this opportunity to rest. Allow yourself to be bored. Be as nonproductive as you would be in sleep. The only thing you’re allowed to do besides rest is meet consciousness. So …
Rule #4: Bring it to now.
Do not give yourself to bleak predictions about how the next day (week, month, year) will go. Don't wonder whether or how you'll get through or play scenes of all that will go wrong or how badly you'll show up. Don't strategize. Stay out of the future altogether; let tomorrow take care of itself. In order to meet consciousness now, you need to be here now. Also, don’t watch the clock or keep track of time or sleep hours in any way. Inhabit the timeless now.
Rule #5: Drop all comparisons to people who get to sleep.
It’s so easy to resent others who take sleep for granted, especially a partner who’s snoozing right next to you while you’re awake again—even worse if you’re suffering. No good can come of comparing your reality to theirs. It’s just another form of resistance. If you must bring others into the picture, take a moment to feel solidarity with anyone on the planet who’s struggling with sleep right now or who ever has. Send them a blessing. Feel compassion for them, then extend that compassion back to yourself.
Rule #6: Do not think about anything.
While this concept is touched upon above, it's important enough to be a rule unto itself. When it’s time to rest, it’s not time to think things through, review, evaluate, plot & scheme, make decisions, figure it out, worry, regret, or lament. Of course, you'll catch yourself thinking. No problem. Just bring yourself back. Move from thought to breath. Be willing to do this over & over, however many times it takes. Don't keep tally. Don't tell yourself it's not working. It works only for right now, if in this moment, one more time, you move from thought to breath. Waste no energy in frustration or self-flagellation—just catch yourself in thought & drop back into the breath. Again.
Rule #7: Act like a sleeping body.
Don't think you should be asleep, because you’re not. This is ultimate nonresistance, or aligning with the reality of being awake. Whatever you're doing here, it's not trying to go back to sleep. In fact, drop all striving. Here you are, as you are: there's nothing to fix; there's no problem. For now, it looks like you're awake. Thinking you should be asleep keeps you from a peaceful experience of this moment. Thinking you should be asleep could be the main thing keeping you from sleep. It’s definitely keeping you from rest.
Rule #2: I'm conscious. It must be time to meet consciousness.
Saying this to yourself (say it aloud if it helps) further aligns you with nonresistance. It also opens you to an experiment with a friendly Universe, in which you consider the possibility that all that happens is for your good—nothing comes to squash or thwart you, not even a sleep deficit. Even that is here to further heal & evolve you. Harness this idea to support you to meet consciousness right now, with curiosity. Drop into being held by love.
Rule #3: Give yourself to rest.
Let go of sleep, but also set yourself up to make the most of this opportunity to rest. Allow yourself to be bored. Be as nonproductive as you would be in sleep. The only thing you’re allowed to do besides rest is meet consciousness. So …
- Don't get up & do things.
- Stay away from devices. (One exception is to play a meditation or soothing sounds on a device. In that case, make sure the screen is dimmed.)
- Don't read or take in info (except briefly for support in meeting consciousness).
- Don't think about things. Keep pen & paper by the bed in case you need to write down a thought so you can fully let it go.
- Don’t communicate with another human being, except if someone is right there & they initiate it. Keep it brief & sweet (or neutral). Appreciate their presence, but don’t engage their help. (If you’re at desperation levels, of course, do get help from a human being in your life or on a helpline. If you’re not there already, these rules are designed to keep you out of desperation.)
Rule #4: Bring it to now.
Do not give yourself to bleak predictions about how the next day (week, month, year) will go. Don't wonder whether or how you'll get through or play scenes of all that will go wrong or how badly you'll show up. Don't strategize. Stay out of the future altogether; let tomorrow take care of itself. In order to meet consciousness now, you need to be here now. Also, don’t watch the clock or keep track of time or sleep hours in any way. Inhabit the timeless now.
Rule #5: Drop all comparisons to people who get to sleep.
It’s so easy to resent others who take sleep for granted, especially a partner who’s snoozing right next to you while you’re awake again—even worse if you’re suffering. No good can come of comparing your reality to theirs. It’s just another form of resistance. If you must bring others into the picture, take a moment to feel solidarity with anyone on the planet who’s struggling with sleep right now or who ever has. Send them a blessing. Feel compassion for them, then extend that compassion back to yourself.
Rule #6: Do not think about anything.
While this concept is touched upon above, it's important enough to be a rule unto itself. When it’s time to rest, it’s not time to think things through, review, evaluate, plot & scheme, make decisions, figure it out, worry, regret, or lament. Of course, you'll catch yourself thinking. No problem. Just bring yourself back. Move from thought to breath. Be willing to do this over & over, however many times it takes. Don't keep tally. Don't tell yourself it's not working. It works only for right now, if in this moment, one more time, you move from thought to breath. Waste no energy in frustration or self-flagellation—just catch yourself in thought & drop back into the breath. Again.
Rule #7: Act like a sleeping body.
- Sleeping bodies tend to be still. Act like that kind of sleeping body.
- Sleeping bodies are relaxed, all muscles released. You know that straining for sleep—or for solutions to any problems keeping you awake—doesn't work. Give yourself to gravity, to your mattress, to all that supports you.
- Sleeping bodies breathe deeply & rhythmically. Inhabit your belly. Bring all awareness to the belly, following its ups & downs.
- If you must move or get up for something, make your movements slow, gentle, deliberate. No frustrated or frenetic energy allowed! Breathe into frustration (or any emotion) & stay as close to stillness as possible.
GUIDELINES FOR A SLEEP-DEPRIVED DAY
A Dozen Mindsets & Practices to Get You through the Day
#1: There's no problem. You’re equipped to get through this day. Believe it.
The main problem, when you're sleep deprived, is believing there's a problem and holding that consciousness all day. Catch yourself in that mindset. You might say, Oh, sweetheart, you're thinking there's a problem. What if there's no problem? When you believe there's no problem, you're in nonresistance. You can thus get on with the business of meeting what's actually happening. You can believe you're equipped to get through this day. (You are.)
#2: Bring it to now.
Impermanence is the law of the land: this too really will pass (really, really). While it’s here, give it your presence. The more present you are to each moment, the better anything you're part of will go for you. Don’t think in terms of getting through this day: instead of this day, bring it to each moment; instead of getting through, think of walking yourself through each moment and all it holds. Thus, you won’t abandon yourself and you won’t miss the journey. Engage in no time travel: Don’t review the past or count how many days running you've been getting too little sleep. Don’t look to the future and wonder how you'll get through the day or beyond, or what a train wreck your life will be at the end of this line (no bleak predictions allowed!). You don't need to know how you'll get through. You need to tell yourself you are getting through, right now. Tell yourself you're equipped for right now. (You are.)
#3: Navigate by your inner-guidance system.
Find the flow and navigate in the most effortless way following your intuition, the flashes of inspiration, the tiny voice or tug inside that give you simple directions—Now get up, do this, put that down, make that call, open that email, say nothing, let it all go. The magic that guides you, your inner knowing, your sense of when you’re off and need to course-correct—all that’s with you when you’re functioning at your best hasn’t gone anywhere when you’re exhausted and in pain. This is your chance to get really good at navigating from the inside, trusting your own guidance system, learning to respond to it without second-guessing or talking back. Note this also connects you to Source and keeps you moving through the day connected, not separate: you are not alone and you’re not meant to get through this alone.
#4: Look for all that supports you.
You’re especially equipped to meet this day and whatever it brings if your focus is on all that supports you. I learned this trick from Byron Katie. For how simple it is, it's still astonishing to me what a firm counterforce it provides for the tendency to notice and review hard hard hard. Start with basics: the floor, the roof, the protection from the elements; the window that opens for fresh air to come in and soothe you; the kindness of clean water to drink, the cup of tea, the available food; eye drops, a salt bath or quick shower, aromatherapy oils. Kindness is the operative word here: find what’s kind here and now in the midst of it all. It’s okay if you lose track of this. Keep coming back to looking for and finding all that supports you.
#5: Ask for help often. Treat yes and no responses as equal.
This is part of looking for all that supports you but it deserves special treatment as it requires action and communication—and could be loaded for you. If your default is not asking, it’s easy to bypass this. Don’t. Ask for help early and often: just ask. Two tricks will hugely support you in this: 1) As per guideline #3, follow the flashes that come in from your marvelous intuition without questioning them or talking back. 2) Be equally okay with yes or no responses, so that when no is the answer of the moment, you don't go to any interpretation (which can only come from your unresolved stuff and worst fears and insecurities, all activated by sleep-deprivation). Accept the right answer, whether it’s yes or no. Want the right answer from others (and, when others are asking you, want to give your right answer to them). From no, either ask someone else or tell yourself, Okay, I must be equipped to do this myself. And keep asking for help.
#6: Let go. Cut yourself lots of slack.
Lower your standards, give yourself permission NOT to do what's expected of you, do the bare minimum, call in sick, have a cereal or macaroni kind of dinner, resign from the board you're on or take a temporary leave of absence. Question what you think is nonnegotiable. Question where you believe you have no choice. What could you let go of to cut yourself some slack? How could you delegate or renegotiate your part in a project? All day, take your time according to today’s energy level, not your usual rhythm and pace. Even if you're late going where you go, take your time, be safe, and breathe consciously the whole way. Let go of your default beliefs about what makes you a good person doing a good job. This is your chance to let go of doership as part of the spiritual boot camp that sleep loss throws you into. How often can you just be?
#7: Don't tell the story of sleeplessness and sleep deprivation.
Talk about your sleep travails from very little to none at all, either out loud or in your head. Don't review what's hard. What you focus on shapes how you meet each sensation or occurrence. Whatever you put under a microscope will fill your entire field of vision, so refuse to bring to the fore how bad you feel and how hard things are. Absolutely don't beat yourself up if you catch yourself complaining. Simply drop it again. Come back to the breath, to the senses—to now. If you consciously talk sleep to someone for a time-limited period, instruct them not to treat you like a victim and to support you in these guidelines and anything else that reminds you you’re equipped to get through. Tell them ways you’re learning to reframe sleeplessness and sleep deprivation. Tell them recent gains. Don’t allow yourself to go off-track into a horror story that reinforces your worst feelings and interpretations. Quit telling the old story.
#8: Become a master of self-care.
Practice supreme self-honoring. No matter what else you’re doing, make taking care of yourself your main job. Apply this as best you can. Practice maximum-possible self-care in your particular set of circumstances, thinking in terms of what reality allows and allowing that to be enough. (Trust that it’s enough.) Self-care examples: Eat foods that make you feel good; eat smaller quantities and chew more. Hydrate a lot, and drink what makes you feel good (in short and long term). Do whatever soothing thing you can do—bathing, stretching, lying down with your feet up. Pause more often. Connect to the breath often. Find many reset buttons. Get more quiet: watch and listen more; talk less. Rest when you can. Master application: give yourself happiness even today, even now. Love your life and the characters who people that life.
#9: Mind the pain body all day (apply this to both emotional and physical pain).
Mind the pain body with your awareness and breath. Occasionally give it your full focus, and when you don’t, carry it around sweetly like the baby in the Baby Bjorn carrier, checking in on it often. In general, increase your body awareness. As you get present and slow things down, consciously make your movements slow and steady, calm, solid. Check in periodically and release tensed muscles. Hold your body in ways that won’t make it hurt more, that increase spaciousness and flow of energy. Increase the presence you bring to each moment. Use basic grounding (feeling feet on ground and body on furniture) and connecting to the five senses to come to presence through your physicality. You're alive. You're equipped to meet and move through everything this moment and this aspect of life holds for you, pain included.
#10: Tend the mind all day.
Write down thoughts. At the very least notice that you’re doomed to feel bad if you believe those thoughts absolutely; pause to take in that these are thoughts, not reality, and that they’re at least somewhat untrue—or not absolutely true. Turn thoughts around and find evidence for why the turnaround could be true. If you see where the thought is or could be true, so what? Find where you’re still okay; find how you’re equipped to meet that. You can also reach for a better-feeling thought. You can simply witness your own thoughts and notice when you’re not in truth; catch yourself kindly. Notice when you’re interpreting instead of speaking or thinking factually. Ask yourself what’s truer. Note that any thought that makes you feel bad (alone, defeated, unworthy, stressed, like you won’t be okay) cannot be all true and is worth questioning and countering. Any thought that leaves you with a negative assessment of yourself is out of alignment with what your inner being knows to be the truth of who you are.
#11: Increase your self-awareness. Notice what you notice.
We always get worthwhile information about ourselves when life pushes us to our walls—and sleep deprivation will push us to those walls. Write down your thoughts in simple, list form just to have them to look at later. Note (perhaps write down) what triggers you or pushes you over an edge into losing it—yelling, weeping, ranting—or total shut-down. Note emotions over the course of the day. Note your energy rhythms. (When do you get a second wind? When do you actually feel pretty good—or the best possible that day? When do you just need to plan to pause and regroup?) Notice what you do get done, what you do show up for, and give yourself some pats on the back (instead of harsh criticism and defeated thinking around what doesn’t get done). This is a great opportunity to learn some things about yourself that may not show themselves—or not so clearly—when you feel great.
#12: Create order, cleanliness, beauty—even in small ways.
Even if everything seems to be in chaos, and ugliness seems to prevail, notice there's wondrous beauty even in a single green garden pea, or in the face of the child you're caring for. Anything you can do to focus on and make beauty and order while you're moving through a sleep-deprived day can only serve you. Tell yourself you'll love to come into this order next time you move through this space, whether you're rested or exhausted. Minding your space is always a way to cast a vote for the belief that your life is worthwhile and worth tending. It’s a way not to give up on yourself (self-abandonment no more!) even when you feel at your worst.
The main problem, when you're sleep deprived, is believing there's a problem and holding that consciousness all day. Catch yourself in that mindset. You might say, Oh, sweetheart, you're thinking there's a problem. What if there's no problem? When you believe there's no problem, you're in nonresistance. You can thus get on with the business of meeting what's actually happening. You can believe you're equipped to get through this day. (You are.)
#2: Bring it to now.
Impermanence is the law of the land: this too really will pass (really, really). While it’s here, give it your presence. The more present you are to each moment, the better anything you're part of will go for you. Don’t think in terms of getting through this day: instead of this day, bring it to each moment; instead of getting through, think of walking yourself through each moment and all it holds. Thus, you won’t abandon yourself and you won’t miss the journey. Engage in no time travel: Don’t review the past or count how many days running you've been getting too little sleep. Don’t look to the future and wonder how you'll get through the day or beyond, or what a train wreck your life will be at the end of this line (no bleak predictions allowed!). You don't need to know how you'll get through. You need to tell yourself you are getting through, right now. Tell yourself you're equipped for right now. (You are.)
#3: Navigate by your inner-guidance system.
Find the flow and navigate in the most effortless way following your intuition, the flashes of inspiration, the tiny voice or tug inside that give you simple directions—Now get up, do this, put that down, make that call, open that email, say nothing, let it all go. The magic that guides you, your inner knowing, your sense of when you’re off and need to course-correct—all that’s with you when you’re functioning at your best hasn’t gone anywhere when you’re exhausted and in pain. This is your chance to get really good at navigating from the inside, trusting your own guidance system, learning to respond to it without second-guessing or talking back. Note this also connects you to Source and keeps you moving through the day connected, not separate: you are not alone and you’re not meant to get through this alone.
#4: Look for all that supports you.
You’re especially equipped to meet this day and whatever it brings if your focus is on all that supports you. I learned this trick from Byron Katie. For how simple it is, it's still astonishing to me what a firm counterforce it provides for the tendency to notice and review hard hard hard. Start with basics: the floor, the roof, the protection from the elements; the window that opens for fresh air to come in and soothe you; the kindness of clean water to drink, the cup of tea, the available food; eye drops, a salt bath or quick shower, aromatherapy oils. Kindness is the operative word here: find what’s kind here and now in the midst of it all. It’s okay if you lose track of this. Keep coming back to looking for and finding all that supports you.
#5: Ask for help often. Treat yes and no responses as equal.
This is part of looking for all that supports you but it deserves special treatment as it requires action and communication—and could be loaded for you. If your default is not asking, it’s easy to bypass this. Don’t. Ask for help early and often: just ask. Two tricks will hugely support you in this: 1) As per guideline #3, follow the flashes that come in from your marvelous intuition without questioning them or talking back. 2) Be equally okay with yes or no responses, so that when no is the answer of the moment, you don't go to any interpretation (which can only come from your unresolved stuff and worst fears and insecurities, all activated by sleep-deprivation). Accept the right answer, whether it’s yes or no. Want the right answer from others (and, when others are asking you, want to give your right answer to them). From no, either ask someone else or tell yourself, Okay, I must be equipped to do this myself. And keep asking for help.
#6: Let go. Cut yourself lots of slack.
Lower your standards, give yourself permission NOT to do what's expected of you, do the bare minimum, call in sick, have a cereal or macaroni kind of dinner, resign from the board you're on or take a temporary leave of absence. Question what you think is nonnegotiable. Question where you believe you have no choice. What could you let go of to cut yourself some slack? How could you delegate or renegotiate your part in a project? All day, take your time according to today’s energy level, not your usual rhythm and pace. Even if you're late going where you go, take your time, be safe, and breathe consciously the whole way. Let go of your default beliefs about what makes you a good person doing a good job. This is your chance to let go of doership as part of the spiritual boot camp that sleep loss throws you into. How often can you just be?
#7: Don't tell the story of sleeplessness and sleep deprivation.
Talk about your sleep travails from very little to none at all, either out loud or in your head. Don't review what's hard. What you focus on shapes how you meet each sensation or occurrence. Whatever you put under a microscope will fill your entire field of vision, so refuse to bring to the fore how bad you feel and how hard things are. Absolutely don't beat yourself up if you catch yourself complaining. Simply drop it again. Come back to the breath, to the senses—to now. If you consciously talk sleep to someone for a time-limited period, instruct them not to treat you like a victim and to support you in these guidelines and anything else that reminds you you’re equipped to get through. Tell them ways you’re learning to reframe sleeplessness and sleep deprivation. Tell them recent gains. Don’t allow yourself to go off-track into a horror story that reinforces your worst feelings and interpretations. Quit telling the old story.
#8: Become a master of self-care.
Practice supreme self-honoring. No matter what else you’re doing, make taking care of yourself your main job. Apply this as best you can. Practice maximum-possible self-care in your particular set of circumstances, thinking in terms of what reality allows and allowing that to be enough. (Trust that it’s enough.) Self-care examples: Eat foods that make you feel good; eat smaller quantities and chew more. Hydrate a lot, and drink what makes you feel good (in short and long term). Do whatever soothing thing you can do—bathing, stretching, lying down with your feet up. Pause more often. Connect to the breath often. Find many reset buttons. Get more quiet: watch and listen more; talk less. Rest when you can. Master application: give yourself happiness even today, even now. Love your life and the characters who people that life.
#9: Mind the pain body all day (apply this to both emotional and physical pain).
Mind the pain body with your awareness and breath. Occasionally give it your full focus, and when you don’t, carry it around sweetly like the baby in the Baby Bjorn carrier, checking in on it often. In general, increase your body awareness. As you get present and slow things down, consciously make your movements slow and steady, calm, solid. Check in periodically and release tensed muscles. Hold your body in ways that won’t make it hurt more, that increase spaciousness and flow of energy. Increase the presence you bring to each moment. Use basic grounding (feeling feet on ground and body on furniture) and connecting to the five senses to come to presence through your physicality. You're alive. You're equipped to meet and move through everything this moment and this aspect of life holds for you, pain included.
#10: Tend the mind all day.
Write down thoughts. At the very least notice that you’re doomed to feel bad if you believe those thoughts absolutely; pause to take in that these are thoughts, not reality, and that they’re at least somewhat untrue—or not absolutely true. Turn thoughts around and find evidence for why the turnaround could be true. If you see where the thought is or could be true, so what? Find where you’re still okay; find how you’re equipped to meet that. You can also reach for a better-feeling thought. You can simply witness your own thoughts and notice when you’re not in truth; catch yourself kindly. Notice when you’re interpreting instead of speaking or thinking factually. Ask yourself what’s truer. Note that any thought that makes you feel bad (alone, defeated, unworthy, stressed, like you won’t be okay) cannot be all true and is worth questioning and countering. Any thought that leaves you with a negative assessment of yourself is out of alignment with what your inner being knows to be the truth of who you are.
#11: Increase your self-awareness. Notice what you notice.
We always get worthwhile information about ourselves when life pushes us to our walls—and sleep deprivation will push us to those walls. Write down your thoughts in simple, list form just to have them to look at later. Note (perhaps write down) what triggers you or pushes you over an edge into losing it—yelling, weeping, ranting—or total shut-down. Note emotions over the course of the day. Note your energy rhythms. (When do you get a second wind? When do you actually feel pretty good—or the best possible that day? When do you just need to plan to pause and regroup?) Notice what you do get done, what you do show up for, and give yourself some pats on the back (instead of harsh criticism and defeated thinking around what doesn’t get done). This is a great opportunity to learn some things about yourself that may not show themselves—or not so clearly—when you feel great.
#12: Create order, cleanliness, beauty—even in small ways.
Even if everything seems to be in chaos, and ugliness seems to prevail, notice there's wondrous beauty even in a single green garden pea, or in the face of the child you're caring for. Anything you can do to focus on and make beauty and order while you're moving through a sleep-deprived day can only serve you. Tell yourself you'll love to come into this order next time you move through this space, whether you're rested or exhausted. Minding your space is always a way to cast a vote for the belief that your life is worthwhile and worth tending. It’s a way not to give up on yourself (self-abandonment no more!) even when you feel at your worst.