Resolve or Release? Set It Aside for 2012!
Dear One,You say you must resolve the relationship with G even though there's so much evidence she's no good for you. You say she's an important part of your journey here (that's so clear!), and that you must resolve it or it will haunt you, possibly into another lifetime. Would you like to operate out of love instead of fear—especially love for yourself?
I'm always fascinated by the weird truth of Byron Katie's concept that the hell you're trying to avoid is the hell you're already in. G is haunting you now, because you make her so important. She's more important than you in your own inner reality because of the way you define yourself and manage your life based on her assessments of you. You spend so much thought-space and -time talking back to things she's said to you. It's as if your life's work has become to convince her that you're okay, and until she believes it, you can't believe it yourself. So you can't be okay. Yes, she haunts you—you've set it up that way.
Here's what I want to say to you about the fear that you can't let go of this work of convincing her. What if you got out of black-and-white thinking and stopped seeing only two choices: letting her go completely (terrifying to the you who believes G defines you, however negatively) or continually (everlastingly) throwing yourself into the project of convincing her. Here's another option I see: put her aside for a year. Put her aside for the duration of 2012. Come 2013, you can have your job of convincing her back if you still want it. 2012 is a radical year anyway—get radical with yourself. Get radical on the subject of G.
If you set her aside for a year, it could be no more than a simple (radical) experiment. And we all know how quickly a year goes by! Still, a year is a year, and over the course of 2012, you may learn some things about yourself. Who would you be without reference to G? Who would you be if you gave yourself to discovering what you want and affirming that what you want matters? Who would you be stepping into your own choices, your decisions, your thoughts, your words, if all of these came out of intentions you've chosen for yourself?
I personally believe that what's possible is mind-blowing.
Let's make a whole campaign out of it! Let's invite others to join in for one of their big problem spots: Set It Aside for 2012. Imagine all the things people could benefit from putting away for a year's time. I mean really, seriously setting aside completely, not to be handled, waxed, worshiped, worried over, or anything else.
I already hear you asking how? And what if she comes into your mind unbidden, as surely she will (especially since you've trained her to keep bursting in, with all the focus you give her, and the intensity of emotion you've coded in to rev up upon her appearance)? Of course she'll show up: she's a thought; thoughts happen. They move through all the time, and we can respond to them in a way that expands or diminishes them. First, just recognize a thought as thought, which is the beginning of not treating it as reality, or as the narration of truth inside your head. Then look at these thoughts directly by asking yourself, “Is that true?”—“Can you absolutely know that it's true?”—and find the beginning of a no. G shows up telling you what you can't handle, or what's wrong with you, or what your ugly motive is. Question the truth of this. Find the opposites: what you can handle and are handling; what's right with you; what your beautiful motives are. Do this as a dialog with yourself (not with her), a way to meet yourself and your thoughts that are coming in with the face of G pinned on them. It's all happening inside your head, even if the human G really did say those things at one time. Even if she says them now—it's all for you. When you're alarmed by her assessments, go inside and be with your own thoughts about them.
You may run into G. She may come after you to stir up some drama in the absence of your participation. If nothing else, she will surely come up in your mind when you're alone, or lying awake, or sick or discouraged or fatigued. That's fine. The point isn't to eradicate her (just try!). The point is that, for the year, you're willing to have her out of your life. You're willing not to resolve anything with her. You're willing to be in a process with yourself where you're simply meeting you; where you're sitting with whatever comes in that seems to be about her, and you're reframing it to make it about you—that's truer anyway. You're letting it be between you and you (another way of saying between you and God). For the year, you will put no outward energy toward her. If she wants to engage even in peacemaking activity with you, you are not available. Tell her the whole calendar's full—maybe next year. If she wants to tell you more thoughts about who you are, what you're incapable of, what you can't handle or don't manage right, tell her this is your year of being self-referential, and you have no ear space for her input—maybe next year.
Would you put her aside for a year? Would you put her aside with a fox, in a box? (Oops—channeling Dr. Seuss again.) Would you put her aside to save yourself? To see what else is possible? To find who you are without reference to her? To find what's possible when your self-talk isn't colored by her abusive declarations of your flaws and limitations? Would you put her aside so you can upgrade your Higher Power and live feeling connected, loved, supported?
Who will join this campaign to Set It Aside for 2012?
Many New Year's blessings to all, Jaya
2012 Events and Innovations!
Scroll down to learn about my March retreat for women (3/9-11) on Supreme Self-Honoring. Very early-bird date, January 11. Join us at beautiful Light on the Hill retreat center.
There's info below on other programs in January, group coaching, and my new office hours! Call me about anything at (607) 339-9714 or write firstname.lastname@example.org. Or visit events page on my website, which is full of constantly updated information.
I'm having a lot of fun with my Visioning 123 workshops. I have 2 scheduled for January (one in Ithaca on 1-7, one in Syracuse on 1-28). My aim is to take the woo woo out of manifestation and equip people with tools that work to create and hold a vision. Read more by clicking on name of event/link above. And if you want to be included in the drawing for the $25 spot at the Ithaca Jan 7 workshop, please let me know by the end of the day on January 2!
Start with the clearest vision you've got, then move toward that vision. It will get clearer as you get closer.
3 Simple (Mind) Shifts for Powerful Transformation. Tuesday, January 24, 6:15-7:45 p.m. at Ithaca's public library. A talk with interactive components; silent participants welcome. This evening is designed for you to walk away equipped to change your life. Harness your power of interpretation; increase your personal power, your peace of mind, and the trust you place in life itself. Fee of $22 with a slikcding scale down to $2. Come be inspired and invite a friend you'd like to introduce to my work!
Supreme Self-Honoring Retreat
for women at Light on the Hill Retreat Center in Van Etten, New York, March 9-11. Who would you be if you held and continually moved toward the highest vision of yourself and treated yourself with the highest regard? This retreat will be deeply rejuvenating. Super early-bird fee ($244) till Jan 11, then early-bird fee ($255) till Feb 11. Full fee after that is $277. Click on name of event/link above for more information.
New Office hours in 2012!
Starting in January, I'll be seeing clients on Mondays and Thursdays at 329 S. Geneva St. in Ithaca (situated between Clinton St. and Titus Ave.). Let me know if you'd prefer to see me during these times. I still do phone and Skype sessions, especially for people not local to Ithaca.
It's been fun to watch the evolution of my work with groups. There's been a lot of interest in these lately, and if you'd like to be part of groups forming in January and February, do let me know. I'm looking for a 3rd member of a 3-member group of 40-something women. Current members-to-be are both professionals and wives/mothers who are highly self-aware. Would you like to join them?
I may also still need members for a 20-somethings/early 30s group that will have more members, lower fees, and a different schedule from other groups. Call or write me for details.
Read about group coaching on my website.
Free Exploration Sessions in their current evolution
I'm now offering free 60-minute sessions to people curious about coaching if and only if they fulfill a simple assignment before scheduling it, or between scheduling and meeting. You can see what that entails right here. I'm completely in love with this aspect of my work and still enjoy--in fact, enjoy more and more--the precious opportunity to sit with another human being, possibly for one time only, and offer something that truly has the potential to change his or her life. Because there's a limit to how many I can offer, I'm setting it up so I'm showing up fully for those who are also truly showing up.
My Tireless Love Affair with Facebook
Whodda thought? I resisted, resisted, resisted and now that I've got a professional page on Facebook, I can't get enough. It's such a cool way to offer daily tidbits to anyone who wants inspiration, encouragement, and (potentially) timely reminders. I get my posts out of current content in sessions with clients or whatever I'm dealing with personally. Topics include coming back to presence (as opposed to merely getting present), clearing negative self-talk, meeting every face as the face of God, tuning in to magic and synchronicities, self-trust and more trust, and . . . the fun never ends. Come visit anytime!