Diamonds and Trust Nuggets
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What I'm up to on Facebook
A client asked me recently, How do I remember this stuff every day? Well, I post daily inspiration and reminders on Facebook. I do this to have an impact on the lives of real human beings, so I love visitors, likes, shares, and comments. Because it's a public page, you don't need an account or log-in to take a look.
Most popular post in January:
People tend to know what they have to give the world--what their weird gifts and super-specific passions are--but won't step in to make a life of it: so many unknowns, so few guarantees. The fact is, the Universe's infinite organizing intelligence--its uncanny capacity for weaving things together in the most unlikely and wondrous ways--is available to all. You don't have to earn it. You do have to trust that as you set your vision and step toward it, something larger than you will support you to get there. It can be a grand experiment. Wanna play?
On a related topic:
When you're afraid you're not equipped to do what you long to do, fear isn't the only illusion in your way. You're believing you're the one making it happen and you're alone on the journey. Wrong and wrong. If it comes up from inside you to do it, all you need in terms of resources, mentors, training, equipment, and divine intervention of all sorts will show up along the way--if only you start moving toward your vision and keep moving, one step (which will sometimes translate to one amazing unexpected leap) at a time.
On human relationships and presence:
When you find yourself treating someone with disrespect (as I did yesterday), it may be that you're not fully grounded in 3 things: 1) the present moment; 2) the one thing that's being dealt with now; 3) the willingness to give it the time and attention it wants. It's not so easy to derail with those things in place. Conversely, it's almost a guaranteed train wreck if you're simultaneously in past, present, and future, with your mind on several topics, and the pesky idea that you shouldn't be having this conversation in the first place, never mind settling in for whatever it actually requires of you. Ah, the peace in lining up with reality.
Cut to the chase:
If you want to keep it simple, you can boil your dialogue with the Universe down to two points: 1) Show me. 2) How can I serve?
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… not what you thought should happen or what you wanted to have happen. This is great to apply in all realms of life and every present moment. It's a great way to stay grounded in the world instead of lifting off into fantasy. It's a way to live in the now instead of rushing to a future.
On the most basic level, this is what I mean when I tell my son to look before he crosses, even if the stoplight did just turn red and the little white pedestrian-crossing dude did just light up. Show up for what's actually happening: yeah, the car approaching is supposed to stop; more to the point, is it stopping? There could be folks turning right on red, too—did you check that they actually saw you before even sticking a toe in the crosswalk? If you walk out into the road just because they should stop, just because you wanted them to stop, it's just not going to be pretty if in fact they don't.
Let's zoom in to the realm of dating to look at this more closely, then we'll pan out again for you to apply to other realms of life. Ay, the romance thing. It's just so exciting to meet someone new who's attractive and interesting. Oh, never mind exciting: it's a relief, sometimes, after weeding through some frightening specimens of ill-health (stick a mental somewhere in there), to connect with someone wonderful—or even wonderfully normal. He can string together three grammatically functional sentences! She doesn't sound like an axe-murderer when she talks about her ex! No reference to a live-in mother! (Or, in the case of lesbians, a live-in ex.) We get intoxicated. We stop showing up for what's happening, because with very little information, we decide we want this to take. We want it to last. Coming back to now, can you remotely know such a thing? Not likely. You need a whole lot more information, even if that date looks really good.
Imagine the sanity of staying present to what's actually happening in each new moment and scenario as you come to know another human being. You could actually notice the red flags without being scared of them, or even seeing them as great disappointments. They're just information—very handy information for what you're considering. Go ahead, have fun; be excited, glow in the sparks. And at the same time, show up for what's actually happening. You'll make more reality-based decisions that are actually better for you.
My client Sandra is currently struggling with the pain of a breakup because she got involved with Ted too quickly. There was so much to like about him initially that she dove in and got swept away—swept herself away—in the fantasy of coupling. He was so attentive, so verbal about his appreciation of her, such fun to be with. Why would she say no to great sex and a kind, open face turned her way? Well, because he doesn't want kids, and she wants nothing more. Sandra is far from stupid, but the realm of love and sex is tricky territory, isn't it? Somewhere in her mind, the two of them were already three. Tonight's restaurant meant tomorrow's strollers and diaper bags. For him, tonight's restaurant may not have meant disappearing the next morning, but it had more to do with tomorrow afternoon's beer and another night's great show and it didn't take long for Sandra to see that this wasn't remotely the life she was after. It would have been less painful if she hadn't gotten so deeply involved sexually and emotionally—which she could have done by showing up for what was actually happening instead of what she wanted to have happen. She could have lingered in the information-gathering stage. She could have waited longer to get in bed—not because of any right or wrong, but because she knows about herself that her clarity goes all topsy-turvy once she's in the horizontal realm. She could have walked away more quickly and easily if she'd simply taken in that, however dreamy it felt to look into those eyes, this guy just didn't want what she wants: they actually weren't compatible.
Please note that it's not the fact Ted doesn't want kids that was the problem for Sandra. This is in fact the thing that let her know what she most needed to know—that he's not the man for her. The problem was the agenda she carried in that kept her from showing up for what was actually happening. Notice that when you're (in delusion) focusing on what you want to have happen or believe should be happening, you see anything that would keep it from happening as somehow working against you! Actually, when the signs show up to reroute you, this is a good thing. It's your guidance. Ultimately, it's more evidence of the Universe conspiring in your favor (not thwarting or depriving you).
I've invited any number of clients to look for a time they were dating the wrong person and didn't get all the red flags they needed to get out early on (and again a bit later, and again after that). I've yet to talk to anyone who can find that scenario in his or her past. People got the red flags and disregarded them, minimized them, pushed them to the background, and focused on the compelling factors that kept them pretending that this was the one, or even just insisting that they wanted to keep going when it was in fact time to stop.
The dating game provides a fun, potent, and easy application of this principle of showing up for what's actually happening. Now apply it to everything in life. You thought this was going to be a really fun and special event with your kid (who's all mopey and droopy through no fault of yours)? Just show up for what's happening—then you may be able to keep from getting mopey too, or snappy and threatening. … This was supposed to be the job of your dreams, not a constant battle of the wills with your boss? Well, show up for what's happening. It may very well prove to be that job or lead you right to it, especially if you use this custom-made opportunity to develop skills you were lacking for holding your ground without going into attack or defense. … The shopping trip was supposed to be quick and uneventful so you could knock out another hour or two of work? Apparently not. Show up for what's happening and let life show you when the religion of efficiency and optimum output needs to be shed for breathing, patience, looking into whatever eyes show up without any agenda but meeting consciousness. ...
Ever hear yourself ask, Who am I kidding? When this question comes up, the right answer is so often, Myself. Here's how not to kid yourself, about anything: show up for what's actually happening — not what you thought should happen, and not what you wanted to have happen.
love & blessings, Jaya