diamonds and trust nuggets
Clear It Up
(If It Costs You Your Power)
Here you are again, poised at that liminal time at the end of one year and the start of another, a time we collectively agree to be a point of transition and new beginnings. It's as good an excuse (and as powerful a moment) as any to come closer to something (or several things or all things) that you tend to keep at bay, or what you leave untended. As you move toward 2015, notice all you haven't addressed that costs you your power.
What serves as an energy leak because it's always undone or uncertain? You can certainly opt to keep doing nothing about it—but if it's niggling you at all, if it hangs out in the edges of your awareness constantly waggling a scolding finger at you, if you carry it around to make yourself feel ineffectual, incompetent, illegitimate, inappropriate, or anything unappealing and unattractive, why not pause long enough to consider how to move it along?
If you see what to do but can't or don't wish to do it now, set a date for some specific action to take toward this clearing. (Putting things on the calendar counts as an action taken, but only if you keep your dates with yourself or appropriately renegotiate them with yourself as you would with another.) If you think you don't know how to address it, consider that you must not need to know; you simply need to set a clear intention, then take one step—even asking a question—toward that intention. Then keep going, taking each next step you see to take (you only ever need to see one next step) until life gets you from intention to fruition.
Where can you declare closure for what you never finished and how can you seal that by deleting the file or removing physical objects you won't need if you're letting it go? Sometimes the thing to do to close the door on something is to declare you're officially no longer doing it. Then follow through by getting rid of or putting away whatever's been sitting around waiting for the attention you're now consciously deciding you won't be giving it. In doing something to let the clearing register in your physical space, you'll then very likely feel a relief or expansiveness in your own body.
Feel bad about not bringing something to completion? Here's something from an older piece of writing on the topic of checking in with yourself:
"Many (many) people tend to have a belief in place that, once in the midst of something, they have some obligation to see it through to the end. They feel the momentum of it (or sometimes even the drag!) and push through to the endpoint despite the many possible station stops for cutting the journey short along the way. Have you seen yourself do this? Have you figured out yet that it's not necessary? More important, have you given yourself permission to stop anything you've started? Pause right now to check in about the particular thing you suspect you may benefit from stopping. Are you sure it's too late or too much trouble? You actually do have the right and may be wise to cancel the subscription, end the first date before the first beer is down, take the kid out before the end of the school year, process the data differently in the middle of the project. … Do you have to finish everything you begin? It's a great thought to question."
What weird thing between you and another would you like to set straight once and for all, at least on your end? I had a great session with a client recently in which she sat still with anxiety she felt about what wasn't being said between her and an important figure in her work world. In meeting her own feelings, she saw clearly that the discomfort of speaking to him directly would in no way exceed the discomfort she already felt in the current state of affairs. So she opted for the more powerful action of saying out loud what needed to be said. The result was that he met her fully in the moment and wrote her later to acknowledge and apologize for something else, which she hadn't included in the conversation. She felt so clear with him that she went on to have three other conversations with people in various realms of life (coworker, housemates, ex!) and kept feeling more and more free and light as she went.
You cannot control whether someone else lets go of something that happened between you or not. You can't require them to take on your interpretations, even if yours are kinder, even if they're truer or just plain true. You can invite them to another way, and then, by all means, let go. You can be in good standing with yourself. Once you've apologized if an apology is warranted, once you've made amends if there are any amends to make (I love Byron Katie's simple “How can I make it right?”), then you're done. Don't overapologize, don't grovel, don't keep bringing it up out loud or in your mind.
The latter could mean, notice it coming up again in your mind, and release it again. You might also think in terms of releasing the person hanging out in your mind with accusations: “I release you to your life, and I release myself to mine.” All of this allows you to be appropriate, to hold your power, to come home to yourself. It allows you to be free whether someone else conspires with you or not in the act of setting yourself free. Finally, it acknowledges that things may not be done once and for all, but as you hold an intention of clarity and practice small acts of clearing, the accusatory thoughts will come with less and less vigor until they finally peter away.
What do you need to forgive yourself for and quit referring to? Sometimes random images of long-past events mentally strike at random to accuse me of being a bad person or to keep shame in place. Sound familiar? It's the most fascinating thing. I used to let those air strikes have their way with me, so that I effectively walked around feeling like a bad person a good bit of the time. Now I have a zero-tolerance policy for such intruders. The best thing I've found to do with these visions is to pause with how they feel. Remember, any painful emotion happens somewhere in your body, so come close to the sensation—locate it, witness it, give it your full awareness even for a few minutes or seconds. Direct breath there to create a spaciousness around it, allowing it to be there instead of believing it shouldn't, instead of seeking to make it go away. Then ask yourself a simple question: Am I really a bad person? Or, Byron Katie-style: I'm a bad person—is that true? Sit (or walk about) with the question until it looks absurd.
Here's my forgiveness prayer, which you can offer up on your own behalf as many times as something comes up that you find your haven't fully let go of. I created this from concepts I got long ago from Marianne Williamson: “I forgive myself. And where I can't or don't know how, Universe, you forgive me for me, and hold that while I catch up to it. I acknowledge that it is done. Somewhere beyond time and space, the forgiveness is complete.” Keep saying the forgiveness prayer. Practice lavish and ongoing self-forgiveness.
What program can you start researching or go ahead and pay for because you're beyond ready? There's something about committing to the training or accreditation program you know to be the next step toward your vision. Here's a quote often attributed to Goethe (who wrote in the late 18th and early 19th centuries), which I just learned actually comes from William Hutchinson Murray's Scottish Himalayan Expedition from 1951. Hmmm. In any case, it's a brilliant quote, which more gorgeously and succinctly expresses a number of things I talk about when I speak of manifesting, or bringing a vision to fruition, including these ideas: that all of life wants to support you to get to where you're going; that synchronicity shows up as on-course feedback; that all the supports and resources you need will come to you (so don't prefer yes over no; equally value open and shut doors—because it's all directing and redirecting you to the right people and places and timing); and that all you need to do is hold the vision and move toward that vision, taking the next step you see to take right now. I offer the Goethe/Murray quote here because, at the end of 2014, I challenged a client to read it repeatedly, and he reports that it's been very bolstering to keep him aware of all the guidance and resources coming his way. It keeps him on point. Interestingly, he's recently slowed down instead of speeding up, finding that some steps he felt he had completed would benefit from being revisited with greater attention to detail. Here's the quote:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."
Move into the new year consciously, clearing yourself to feel solid and solidly in choice. I've said and written many times that when you're in choice you're in power. (Cultivating a consciousness of choice is the antidote of holding a victim mentality.) So choose to deal with anything that keeps you from feeling you're in charge of your own life—or at the very least moving in the direction of what your heart calls you to, trusting (or experimenting with trusting) that all of life wants to get you there.
Love & blessings, Jaya
I'm giving my (hands-on, creative) Visioning 123 workshop for women who want to launch the new year with clarity and intention. One's coming right up on Saturday the 3rd (downtown Ithaca), another is on the 17th in Burdett, NY. (The Keep at Newell's Farm means horses!) Both are daylong workshops, 9:30 am to 4 pm. More information on my website.
Personal Power Surge
I'll be taking my personal power workshop (for women) to Brooklyn on Saturday, February 28. Stay tuned—I'll soon have it written up on the Events page of my website. Feel free to write to inquire: firstname.lastname@example.org
I'm joyfully working on the Queer Coaching Podcast Project!
I've started taping sessions geared to LGBT types. By next mailing I should be able to direct you toward podcasts posted somewhere online. I'll certainly have links to them on the Inspired Words page of my website. Note that a few audio clips of my work with live people are currently available there.
Curious about coaching?
I offer a free 30-minute exploration session by phone or Skype or in person (in Ithaca, NY). To get the free session, just fill out the contact form on my website.
For Facebook types, I post most days with an aim to support your growth and healing, inspire you, remind you of what you already know, keep you in touch with the magic, propose that you think big, and cast my vote for you to keep being ever kinder to yourself. Some popular posts from last month:
If you detach from outcome, you'll suffer less on the journey—whatever the journey holds, whatever the outcome. Outcome is the Universe's business. Yours is to hold your intention and move toward that intention, just doing now and now and now the next thing you see to do to go in that direction. Let the U show you whether you get there or not, what the details look like, what the timing turns out to be. If you want it to happen quickly and effortlessly, hold that as part of the vision, but hold loosely! Whatever the vision, detach from outcome & the particulars of the journey along the way. Show up with curiosity to see what happens next. Be fascinated.
Notice where you stop yourself because you can't do something under ideal conditions or to perfection or all the way to the end. Do it partially, imperfectly, under conditions that are very likely better than against-all-odds. Quit stopping yourself from even dabbling with what you love to do, long to do, really want to get back to or try for the first time. The thing is, even dabbling will serve to build a momentum. It may just be what gets you there.
Now is more powerful than we tend to honor, remember, or hold in pure awe. If something hard, harsh, or scary is happening, just be with yourself in it now. That's plenty to manage, and you're equipped to manage it. As soon as you project it into the future, you've made it huge, boundless, entirely unmanageable. Then you can't even take care of yourself in the moment, never mind show up holding your sense of personal power and connecting to all that guides and protects you. Come back to now. You can handle whatever life gives you now, not all that will ever come from this point forward.
Let it go if it's not happening, just for now. If it's yours to have or do, it'll come back around again, call you back, fall into place while you're looking the other way. Let it go knowing all your needs are met, and life is always guiding you to the right places at the right time. All is well.
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