16 january

Clearings Galore

It really helps to clear out the old in order to bring in the new. That's why January's a great time for clearing. But notice how quickly you can lose that fresh thrill of all-things-new that comes in unbidden at the turn of the year, whether you bring much intentionality to it or not. I'd like to invite you here to a conscious intention of clearing--not only as a grand gesture at the onset of the year, but as something to carry on with all year long. Do this in the spirit of maintenance: the clarity and spaciousness that result are worth keeping up. Do it to live in alignment with the reality that life happens, things (thoughts, thorns) pile up, and it's actually possible and worthwhile to keep the excess and unwanted from accruing to unmanageable levels.

This writing contains numerous ways for you to engage in clearings of all kinds. Keep coming back to grab another idea as one clearing (plus the glorious lightness and opening it brings) naturally calls forth another. Before my New Year's visioning workshop earlier this month, I had participants prepare by engaging in clearing activities in order to help them connect to a greater sense of possibility that they could bring in what they want more of (having cleared out what they no longer need). Even a little bit of clearing activity carries symbolic value and actually does something. An open window symbolizes something, and it also brings in fresh air. Open your windows. Your active participation in and conscious vote toward creating openings matters toward allowing things (thoughts, perspectives, projects, people) to come into your life that feel new and fully relevant to the current moment.

So I invite you to start paying attention to what you might clear out of your house and mind. Open to your guidance system, and without being tyrannical to yourself or even requiring yourself to act, simply start noticing what clearing could look like. If you get the impulse to cull, even briefly, even in some small way … go! If you do that and gain momentum to go for some greater or more radical clearing, or even just one more small something to clear out, definitely go go go! What could it feel like to actually move along things (thoughts, perspectives, projects, people) you've held onto beyond their usefulness to your current evolution?

CLUTTER
As I was in the midst of writing this, I talked to my friend and fellow coach Jude Spacks, who happened to tell me (and can here tell you) about The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, in which the author advises, Keep in your space ONLY things that bring you joy. Joy! I love this. If some object is here because of what you'll need later, because you'll suffer or won't get your needs met if you get rid of it (all fear-based, a lack of trust that life takes care of you now); or if the object is in your space because someone gave it to you and expects you to have it (obligation! choosing for others at the expense of self); or it's with you because it ties you to a past that's over and needs to be released (shackles, truly) … let it go. Consider looking at the things in your space through that lens: when something comes into view, do you feel some tug inside, some sense of heaviness, obligation, sorrow, insurance against lack--anything but joy? Are you sure you want to keep it?

Here's an audio clip that describes a method from Abraham Hicks about clearing physical spaces quickly. There's much to be gleaned (or cleared!) from this talk even if you don't choose to follow the particular system offered here.

What seems to most keep people from clearing spaces is the sense there's too much to deal with, combined with the idea they need some great chunk of time to make the clearing happen. The fact is, you can clear things 5, 15, 30 minutes at a time. I like to use phone conversations (not phone sessions with clients!) for that purpose. As with anything else, as soon as you give it little spurts of energy, momentum builds, and a little stretches into a lot; or larger openings suddenly show themselves and you don't miss them because you're already engaged with and loving the feeling of clearing: in other words, you catch the wave when it comes.

I invite you to do the any or all of the following at any level. You might offer a token gesture that's largely symbolic, or a small version because that's all you have time for, or a detailed or longer or thorough version to create a sensational clearing and let in the equivalent sense of spaciousness and possibility:

Clear a surface, a corner, a room, a clutter-magnet zone (basement, garage, attic).
Find some things (even one—what would feel best to MOVE ALONG?) to list on Freecycle, carry to the curb, put into a vehicle then drive to the dump, the Salvation Army, the consignment store.
Go through your closet and get rid of even beloved clothes that you're just no longer using. If you MUST keep them (hopefully only because you're in love with them, not in fear of future scarcity), pack them up and label them (important not to just make them disappear in a blank box/bag that will then further clutter another space) and get them to the right storage area. You can also go through kitchen cupboards, drawers, tool boxes, storage bins, refrigerator and freezer, and so on.
Get rid of old files or those materials in files that are no longer needed; get papers you need to keep into labeled and ordered folders and files.
Clear your inbox! Here's a 5-minute talk on inbox zero; here's a one-hour program on inbox zero. If the latter sounds too long, note that the first 30 minutes is a talk from Merlin Mann himself, followed by Q-and-A; it's a brilliant talk that you may find revolutionary if you're in any way bothered or tormented by email or feel you have a less than healthy relationship with it. "The default state of your inbox should probably not be, Keep sitting here until I start weeping."

MATTERS BETWEEN YOU AND ANOTHER
Do you have an open loop (anything unfinished) between you and another human being? Think of what you could do:

Write them a letter saying all you need to say (send or don't—could be just for you; or send an edited version considering which parts you want to give to the other).
Make an apology or amends.
Forgive them (they don't need to know about it), and let them go. Say this release phrase, and repeat as needed: I release you to your life, and I release myself to mine. (I know it sounds simple, but I and many of my clients have benefited deeply from this clear and potent statement. It really does function as a tiny ritual that can be used as often as some grasping thought revisits you, as thoughts will.)
Accept that someone has something against you, even if it's not true, if they've misinterpreted, if they've missed the context or everything good that would tip the balance away from this bad thing they believe about you. Human beings believe bad things about one another. You cannot escape this. You will not get through a human life without someone thinking ill of you. They'll make something up if there's nothing real they can actually say about you. So bring this to consciousness. Instead of vaguely believing that you're not okay or that you must defend yourself or that maybe you really are bad if this one thinks ill of you, accept it. Say: I accept that So-and-So believes such-and-such about me. Be specific. Write it down if you like. Accept it, even if you want to reiterate for yourself that you don't like it one bit and that you still feel the resistance to allowing it. But say that you're willing to accept it, because you're a human being living a human life. Declare that you're in good standing with yourself, if that's true, and if it's not, do what you need to do to get there. This doesn't change that someone out there thinks ill of you. It does move you toward acceptance, nonresistance, lining up with reality, standing in truth instead of in their opinion, living out of self-referral instead of in reference to what others decide about you. This is important. (I talk about this as an issue of personal power in the 25-minute audio posted at the top of my inspired words page.)
Pay something back; pay it forward. Return the thing you've had even for way too long or, if it can't be returned, give it away, or give something of equivalent value away.
If there's nothing you see to be done, declare it done. Forgive yourself. Let it go. Welcome yourself to the human race, noticing this weirdness or disruption or disconnection between two people is something that can happen. It's over. If you want to consider how not to let this happen again, perhaps notice where you ignored your guidance system; perhaps notice what you were afraid of when you kept not dealing with it: these insights can serve you today and in the future. But the bottom line is to just be done. Is this thing really worth carrying into another year of your life, or the rest of your entire life?
In chapter 8 of Tosha Silver's Outrageous Openness she offers a 7-step ritual for clearing out an ex-lover—someone you're still angry with, can't let go, still feel sad about, believe to be your rightful partner, and so on. I highly recommend her whole book but definitely check it out if you'd like to get this process in full. In short, 1) get all your feelings out by writing everything you have to say in a letter you won't send. 2) Burn the letter. 3) Take a salt bath to dissolve all negative attachment from your body and energy field. 4) Burn sage (or cedar, frankincense) and move the smoke through your whole body, head to toe, front and back, releasing the psychic chords between you. 5) Clear out letters, pictures, any objects that relate to the ex or to you as a couple. 6) Pray for closure and forgiveness: "This entire relationship now belongs to divine order. It is in God's hands and I am open to a miracle of completion. The situation now unfolds in the perfect way for the good of all. I needn't fear letting go. My needs are always met." 7) Send blessings to your ex and to yourself. See each of you at peace and thriving on your own. "I bless you no matter what you've done or still do. I'm done with you."

MATTERS BETWEEN YOU AND YOU
Do not ALLOW anything to keep hanging in your consciousness that causes shame, that makes you feel vaguely like a bad person, that carries a sense of failure or disappointment about anything in your past. Don't think it's normal to walk around feeling that you somehow don't make the grade, aren't managing your life well, don't deserve to be happy, must always feel stressed and overwhelmed, and so on.

Notice when you're in such a mode, and HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON. For a moment, just tune into how you feel when you feel like this, and direct breath into any heavy or painful area in your body. In that moment, just for that NOW, accept yourself. Notice that it's okay to be human in this way right now. Notice that you're fine. If you feel like you're bad, for example, ask yourself repeatedly, as you sit with awareness to your pain and your breath, Am I bad? Or you could use a Byron Katie phrasing: I'm bad—Is that true? Ask again and again until the question seems absurd, until you can't possibly believe it, then carry on with the sense of your goodness more consciously held and affirmed.

YOU AND YOUR PAST SELVES
It's so important not to divorce ourselves from past versions of ourselves, the different personas we've traveled through to get to where and who we are now. If you're not fully at peace and in love with all past versions of you, I invite you to download this chapter from my (unpublished) book and do the healing exercise described there for integration and peaceful acceptance of all of who you are and ever have been. It's powerful.

meeting_past_selves.pdf
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blessings for ongoing clearings,
Jaya

p.s. I so value feedback. If you have anything to tell me about what you've gained from this, write to let me know! Write me at jaya@jayathetrustcoach.com (just hit reply if you're receiving this as a mailing).

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This is a program for all kinds of women over 40 (trans-women welcome) who find the whole dating thing to be daunting. It's happening in NYC on February 6, 2016, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

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For Facebook types, I post most days with an aim to support your growth and healing, inspire you, remind you of what you already know, keep you in touch with the magic, propose that you think big, and cast my vote for you to keep being ever kinder to yourself. Some popular posts from the past month:

Believe that you're guided, ask for guidance, and trust that guidance is always at play. This means that when you get NO answers and shut doors or the deal doesn't come through or the person walks away or the job goes to someone else, DON'T interpret this as things not working out or things going wrong. There's no such thing as a setback; there's only guidance. So come close to whatever's happening with nonresistance, and watch for the next place to head that best matches your intentions. Find the openings, the expansions, the places that spark joy inside you. Follow the hunches (DO NOT TALK BACK TO THEM), even if you have no idea where they will lead. Life is a glorious (guided!) adventure if you let it be that.

Things are always in flux, so if you're waiting for everything to settle down just so, for you to be at ease or to feel good about yourself & your life, quit it! Think in terms of priorities and what feels right for you to give your energies to now. Look away from the to-do list & chores altogether. Let things be undone for now, as always. Get rest, have a delicious sensual experience, throw yourself into an adventure. What would be balm for your soul right now?

People do what they do, so leave them to it. As quickly as you can, shift your focus away from what irks you in them and onto what they bring up for you. How can you meet this well? What's the gift for you in meeting this face of God? Notice your reaction to them & consider where your peace might be. Is it in drawing better boundaries? (Remember, NO is a boundary.) Is it in learning to choose where you put your focus mentally? Is it in letting go of what you can't control (like everything about them)? Is it in taking care of yourself when you're around bad energy or learning to leave when it's right for you, whether others like it or not? If someone troublesome is here, it's only to help you build some muscle where you're weak. Build it, and they'll either go away or become less troublesome.

When life feels hard, put it in perspective by imaging you've just spent time on a desert island or lived in the aftermath of some natural disaster. Move through your hard day marveling about what's so easy, all that shows up to support you. Running water! And it's hot! A pen that works. Contact with others at the touch of a button. Nourishing food just in reach. Breath that just goes in and out, unimpeded. A body that functions so gloriously well. Whatever you can't do or don't have, focus on all that comes in to assist you in your life, this day, this moment. It's astounding.

Visit me on Facebook anytime. I invite you to LIKE my page and respond to individual posts that speak to you. Facebook will serve you more posts if you like, comment on, or share them—plus it brings me joy to experience the page as dialogue, not monologue.