​​Why would it be helpful to imagine you’re in a disaster zone?

Honestly, the mind and nervous system often act like we are when we’re not. Maybe you’ve noticed?

So play with me a moment here, but only because it could benefit you tremendously to feel at (greater) ease as you move through your most challenging situations, moments, and eras.

Let me quickly set the scene. When disaster strikes, all hell breaks loose. Buildings crumble to the ground or fill with water; roads get blocked; people don’t (and don’t even expect to) follow their usual routines; survivors may suddenly have new needs around first-aid care, food & water, shelter. All the usual ways of operating are tossed away—they’ve just become irrelevant, at least for the time being. The usual expectations of others are dropped, too—we’re not going to get mad at someone if they don’t show up on time for a schedule that’s been blown to pieces or if they don’t behave how we prefer for people to behave. We don’t expect things to be in their right places, as the house itself might be off its foundation and on top of the car. No one is shocked or launching into entitled complaining if there’s no available phone, or technology isn’t working, or help isn’t quickly forthcoming. No one expects to be comfortable or to have anyone else make them comfortable.

Application to follow.

Now imagine you’re attending the kind of social event that shakes up all your stuff; going on a blind date—or maybe any kind of date; gearing up for an interview for a job you really want; meeting family-of-origin characters at a gathering that has historically made you a little crazy; spending hours or days at the hospital as patient or support person, with a bunch of things up in the air—any number of possible outcomes and snags and edgy moments to meet along the way. Or just imagine (or notice, if this is current for you) that you’re in a tricky time because you’re healing something or learning new things that will be tested or moving through a situation that overwhelms you even though you chose it (a move, a break-up, a teaching gig). How could the disaster metaphor serve you?
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​Seeing your current reality as if it were a disaster zone, try telling yourself some of these things:

• Of course I’ll have some discomfort. It’s okay.
• I’ll just aim for where I think I want to go at any given moment and head that way with no expectation of getting it right.
• I will prioritize calming myself and, when I can, be a calming presence for others.
• I’ll do my best to function well and serenely for myself.
• I’ll consider it a beautiful bonus if I can provide some support to others along the way.
• I will expect nothing of others: no niceties; no kindness; no ways of treating me or one another; no awareness of anything I’m going through; no certain volume or ways of speaking or setting up ambiance; no politeness codes; no doing what I like, the way I like it; no agreeing with me about priorities or anything else; no food that works just right for me; nothing to honor my preferences.
• I will remember I have choice and make my best choices now & now & now.
• I will keep releasing the many things I cannot control.
• I will remind myself often that there may be very little I can control right now, so I’ll seek to control myself in whatever ways I can.
• I will remember there’s nothing I have to do for anyone, and at times there may be nothing I can do, so that when I choose to do something for someone else I can feel good about the choice and give myself to it fully and willingly.
• I will treat nothing as shocking: people will do whatever they will do.
• I will keep moving toward what makes sense to me to move toward, and away from what it makes sense to me to move away from.
• I will follow my guidance system, not others’ ideas of what I should do. I will release them to theirs, whether I think they’re tuned in to that or not.
• I will prioritize tuning in to my own guidance system.
• I will remind myself that I’m guided, and keep responding to what feels aligned and what feels off, trusting my capacity to course-correct as I go.
• I will release how the journey goes, what happens next, how long things take to right themselves.
• If I do anything that makes sense and involves carrying on toward what seems right, and help anyone else along the way, I will declare success.
• I won’t be hard on myself; I won’t expect myself to be a superstar; I’ll cut others a lot of slack too.
• I will remind myself again that I am guided; I will do my version of praying; I will remember that if I’m alive, I’m here to live and love.

See how that could help you out when life pushes you to your walls?

​And then maybe you’ll appreciate any comfort. Maybe any kind of food will seem amazing to have. Maybe any way your body functions will seem like a perfect miracle. Maybe you’ll be all tapped in to all that supports you. Maybe you’ll notice and be moved by any decency from anyone. Maybe you’ll slow down and just let things be as they are, and notice that it’s good enough for now and getting better. Maybe any modicum of fun or laughter will seem like more than you could’ve hoped for--again, a perfect miracle.

A client’s challenging situation recently reminded me of this, and I realized from a search on my website (did you know there’s a lovely search bar on my site?) that I hadn’t properly written about it. I mentioned the disaster-zone metaphor briefly in a bit about getting through holidays well. And now I’ve officially written about it and we can all play with it to keep making easier and more manageable anything that we might believe is hard.

Love & blessings, Jaya

​I want to invite you out of that furrowed-brow, overthinking thing and point you to what could feel & work better. You’ll need a willingness to trust yourself more, and also to trust life.

What if you began by committing to EASE around any decision you need to make? Ease in body, heart, and head—your three centers of intelligence. Each lets you know whether you’re on- or off-track for good decision making, and so … whether to LEAVE IT ALONE right now or jump in & run with it—or even dreamily push the pieces around.

Let’s walk together through all three centers.

Body: LOOK AWAY FROM THE TOPIC when you’re …

• tense
• moving with jerky, annoyed gestures,
• feeling heavy & ponderous
• noticing anything scrunched up in your face
• having that deflated feeling, the wind knocked out of you
• experiencing any of those physical sensations you have when you don’t like yourself or people or life

In those moments, don’t think about it at all, never mind try to move the decision forward. Seriously. Literally walk away if you need to, and go make your body feel better. Start with a drink of clean water.

It’s a great time to come back to the topic when you’re …

• relaxed
• feeling good & at ease inside your own body
• moving consciously & fluidly
• breathing well
• noticing lovely information your 5 senses (or however many you’ve got) are bringing in
• experiencing spacious, open, lightness of being

Now go! Go ahead & come close to this thing you’re considering. See what wants to be dreamed up, learned, discovered, invented, and maybe fully decided!

Heart: DON’T EVEN GO NEAR THE TOPIC, never mind try to make the decision, when you’re …

• frustrated
• worried, anxious
• feeling bad about yourself
• sad about your past
• grabbed by fear about what you think you’ve decided badly before
• scared or preemptively sorry about your future
• hurting about what’s painful in life

In your bad feeling states, shift your physical & mental gaze toward what makes you feel better. In fact, just go take care of your heart. Don’t analyze or think about your feelings. Breathe them, soften them, soothe them, carry them around kindly. Take your feelings with you as you go back to the body and do something that will move your limbs & energies and get the blood & breath flowing again.

When do you go back into the stuff of your decision? When you feel

• at peace
• happy, joyful
• satisfied, content
• hopeful, expansive, optimistic
• warm toward self, others, life
• downright pleased with yourself
• worthy, lovable, gazed upon by love
• fully in love

All or any of this means you’re ready to dream into your vision again or dive back into the specifics & details of what needs to be known so that the decision can come to you without strain & forcing, never mind agonizing.

Head: Screech decision making to a halt when you’re

• ruminating
• repeating yourself, with the negative thoughts echoing menacingly
• reviewing all the reasons you probably have to scale something down, settle, give up, etc.
• going into some version of what you don’t deserve or don’t get to have
• comparing yourself to what others have or get to do
• reviewing the past to find evidence about what’s wrong with you
• fixating on whatever’s going on in your life that isn’t to your liking (current conditions that tell you lies about your prospects for the future, but you fool yourself into thinking you’re being level-headed & realistic by giving those your increasingly unclear attention)

I mean it. INTERRUPT ALL THOUGHT when that’s the vibe in your headspace. The sooner, the better—before it builds momentum. Get out of your head, please. Back to the body, back to the heart. Take note, in fact, that your body & heart are feeling bad as they sync with those thoughts. Now, go after what makes them feel better. Abandon thinking altogether until you can reach for thoughts that go with a relaxed body and soothed heart.

You’ll know you’re ready to bring focus back to the topic when

• the mind is clear of old ideas or beliefs
• you can look up at the sky and feel that large, beautiful expanse inside yourself
• you’re having thoughts about what’s possible, what works, what supports you
• the limiting & mean things you say to yourself are distant & harmless or nowhere in the vicinity
• you feel pretty good about where you’ve been & where you are
• you aim to go where you actually want to be (will & intention harnessed!)
• you can bring it to now and just find the next step that feels right—with no idea of having to figure or map the whole thing out
• you’re out of right-wrong and know that there is no perfect, right way to do it, just the next gorgeous experiment to run

Now, let your imagination run, do the research, make the phone calls & visits, have the conversations, and make little or large choices that move you toward that readiness to decide—or plunk you right in a decision that you notice kind of made itself. (Byron Katie taught me that decisions make themselves, and I keep finding that when I’m tending my state through my 3 centers, they do just that.)

Hey, when you’re in a good place in body-heart-head, I invite you to notice the magic. Are you …

• bumping into people who light you up
• noticing new things that inspire you as they drop into your field or lap
• coming upon the new, unexpected related idea
• feeling the flow of uncanny right timing???

Notice the magic. It will get you where you’re going. (And, um, it’s not magic at all. It’s the way things work when you’re clear & open. You know.)

Love & blessings, Jaya