or, Are you a Clown Fish or a Mockingbird? As far as I know, no one has (yet) created a cute little online quiz to determine whether you’re a clown fish or a mockingbird. If you were hoping for just that, please forgive me because, nope. I’ll start you off with a question though, so you can get that buzzy quiz feeling. Have you ever stared at corals in an aquarium? Or been fortunate and adventurous enough to get to swim around and see these enchanting colonial organisms shimmy-dancing in their actual oceanic habitat? It’s one of the most mesmerizing things, to stare at coral. I especially wish for you that you’ve had the experience of dropping in completely to just stare, keep staring, take it in, keep watching, and let yourself be completely wowed by the constantly moving tentacles waving around in the water. Some seem to barely flutter their long or little fingers while others could give a car-lot inflatable air dancer a run for its money! But actually, I want to invite you not to analyze, because the real point of this writing is about interrupting stuff going on in the head. Consider getting out of your head FAST when what the mind is up to IN ANY WAY doesn’t serve you. I want to (again) invite you to interrupt that as fast as you can, because one unhelpful thoughts strings you along faster and faster to the next and the next and the next, and momentum builds in directions you don’t want to go. I want to invite you to practice dropping in to let yourself be mesmerized. Let yourself be absorbed in presence. Make like a clown fish and absorb yourself in coral. Stop the thoughts, stop the momentum in wrong directions. Let’s talk about trees, because they may be more readily available to you than coral. I believe you can and really should (a word I don’t use lightly or often) let yourself get mesmerized by how breezes and winds move through their leaves. No magic mushrooms needed! Just gaze at what’s happening as the breezes sift through and ruffle things up in super-subtle or sweeping ways (and everything in between). Watch and keep watching. This is a presence practice. Ground yourself so you feel your embodied self, connect to the sensation of breath, and use your glorious sense of sight, if you’ve got it, to stare at the fluttering leaves. You are gazing at consciousness itself, consciousness made visible. You are consciousness connecting to consciousness. And … that is soooooo cool. But it’s also a really practical thing to do for your well-being. This could support you as often as you let it, perhaps MANY TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY, to get out of your head and shift your state when it would serve you to do so. You can do this with one single tree or a vast treeline, whatever you have access to. Failing that, substitute grass or a bush or anything you can come up with that will do in the moment. We’re taught to stay with the contents of our heads instead of interrupting it. But it’s actually not helpful to stay with what feels
I include solution-oriented, which sounds a whole lot more positive than the others, because, as Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” So you need to LOOK AWAY, not to stay with it, when you don’t feel expansive, fresh, insightful, inspired, creative—all signs that signal you’ve opened to higher mind and are ready to see something new. I know you know the difference. Wanna be a clown fish or a mockingbird? Use coral or use trees. Be whatever you want and use whatever comes into view, whatever comes to your creative mind. Lighten things up by moving away from what’s weighing you down mentally. Laugh at your old self who thought it was good and wise to stay with muddled or distressed thinking and do something radical here and now. Call yourself back to presence.
Here comes a reminder of the 3 steps for coming to presence (and bonus—soothe your nervous system that got agitated by your thoughts).
Let the mind be mesmerized—or at least interrupted--by the staring (ideally as you consciously ground and breathe). Stay with it, even for a bit. Drop in. You can simply step outside or stand at the window for 2 or 3 minutes of leaf gazing. It feels amazing. It’s a great and simple reset. When you feel soothed and perhaps inspired, Now what? Now you might be able to see something from a new perspective and open to creative ways of moving through your life as it is right now, scooching toward the life you’re seeking to create. Love & blessings, Jaya P.S. Monday-night group-coaching drop-in sessions are FOR EVERYONE (not just clients or current clients or anything else you might make up). Come talk to me and/or hear me talk with others about any topic and do body, heart, and head processes for release, clarity, alignment. New and repeat people come all the time. You too are so welcome to join us on- or off-camera. And another P.S. Did you know that I and a lovely colleague of mine (Rebecca Mehnert) do 3-Centers meditations (dropping in with body, heart, head) 6 days a week (Sundays off) for 15 minutes or less before noon ET (so, starting at 11:45)? Here’s the 3C med zoom link if you’d like to join. You can also find that anytime on the homepage of my website. (Scroll there all the way down.)
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Oh, dear ones, how normal is it for big feelings to sometimes hit hard as we navigate Corona times? Stomach-dropping fear anyone? Roiling, buzzing anxiety? Chest-gripping grief? I invite you to judge nothing—by which I always mean NOTICE that you're judging it and seek to release judgment: welcome yourself to the human race; meet whatever you're experiencing now knowing you can be feeling it only if millions of others feel it too. I offer you 2 resources here:
1. The HEART MEDITATION is deeply calming and connecting. You can do it either in the actual moment of meeting a strong emotion or when you simply choose to settle into the heart realm and find what's there. The meditation invites you to keep dropping in where perhaps you haven't yet—or never as you are right now in this fresh, all-things-new-all-things-possible moment. 2. The written part follows. STEP-BY-STEP TACTICS TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY when strong emotions hit and you feel disconnected from love. 1. NOTICE AND MEET RESISTANCE. This really means notice it and let it be there. You will resist. So get okay with that. But know that if you run with the resistance (otherwise stated, ignore it and let it dictate what you do or don't give attention to), you can't sort of reach around it to stroke and soothe what you're feeling. Resistance will take many forms, and may look like:
2. LOCATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO MEET WHAT YOU'RE FEELING. You don't have to make resistance go away! Once you notice it, accept that it's here; accept that we all resist. Then you can pause with it, breathe into it, and find your willingness to meet the strong emotion itself. Beyond your resistance is the thing that will set you free. Here, that means that beyond resistance is the emotion for you to meet directly by dropping in with it and feeling it fully. You might simply tell yourself: Something feels awful here. Because something that feels awful is here, I'm willing to meet it. I'm willing to feel it. I can't just will it away, so I'll drop in to see what it has for me. I'm willing to feel bad, for now. I'm willing to feel whatever any human being might feel. I'm willing not to abandon myself here and now. 3. FEEL WHAT YOU'RE FEELING AS YOU INTEND CONNECTING TO LOVE. Every emotion carries with it a call to love. Wow. No matter how painful a feeling, no matter how close to the fear or hate end of the spectrum it may register, it only wants to call you back to yourself, back to self-acceptance, back to love.
It's actually amazingly easy to feel what you're feeling—as opposed to analyzing it, thinking about or mulling over the related story and all its gory details, or letting it engulf you in a toxic way. You know what I mean by that toxic engulfment? You're there if you feel wretched with it; if you're despairing (even to the point of questioning your life's worth or declaring yourself hopeless for living it well); if you're steeping in your worst beliefs about yourself, others, your prospects, life itself. You're there if you feel all alone. So how do you feel a feeling? This post will take you there (This is what X feels like), even as it connects you to all the other beings who feel it too, so you don't get lost in being alone or in feeling singular in or singled out by what you're feeling. Chapter 3 of Scooch! offers a lot on that topic in the Mind the Pain Body section (ch. 3 covers Mind the Pain Body, Tend the Mind). More than anything, you drop in. You give yourself to locating IN THE BODY the specifics of what you feel:
Be a scientist collecting data on the body. See if you can do that without a lot of words or naming (or work up to that as you experiment with this method). Ultimately, all you're trying to do is FULLY feel whatever you're feeling, and feel it where it is—in the body. Call on the breath as you do this. FEEL the movement of the breath as it already registers in your body. Then gently direct your breath to the place of pain. That's all the pain body wants: awareness and breath. So drop in. Fully. Drop into the pain as you would something that feels great, relaxed, letting it have you: think of easing down into a jacuzzi and letting go, releasing all resistance. 4. SEEK TO LOVE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING—AND LOVE YOURSELF FEELING IT (HINT: neutrality is a great support). This heart meditation (mentioned & linked above) will walk you through. Read on for some words to explain it. Start with simply intending love. Remember that love doesn't need ANYTHING put on or forced. It doesn't need you to try to locate some approximation of feeling love. Love doesn't necessarily come with any particular feeling attached. You don't need to rev up inner flavors of sweet or kind or whatever loving means to you—or rather, to your disconnected self. Just let love be a powerful, neutral force that doesn't need you to cough up anything in order to show up and make itself known. It's already who you are in your essence. It already drenches the entire Universe. So simply intend connecting to that. Since you're already dropping into the feeling and breathing it (if you've followed instructions in #3), now bring your awareness to your heart center and invite love. Relax muscles you don't need on the out-breath so you stay out of effort, and simply breathe in the intention, the invitation, the truth of love's inherent location everywhere—accessible from this specific area of the body (aka, the heart chakra). You've JUST been exploring a feeling. See if you can head from that feeling/sensation to some neutral acceptance, even expectation, of love. Love as ever-present, inherently yours, beyond any need to earn it. Scooch that way and don't worry about getting there. But let me stress the idea of NEUTRAL. It's powerful to just let love be, call it in, let it come as it will as you sit here as you are: you need ask nothing specific of love; it asks nothing of you except the letting go, the allowing. You'll love yourself better if you cultivate some connection to neutrality inside yourself, especially in painful or self-disapproving moments. It's neutral, in fact—because these are normal human things—to feel strong emotions, to feel out of control, to be confused and in the dark, to have a bad taste in your mouth, to have a wildly beating heart, to fear you won't be okay, to disconnect from your best self, to lose track of all hope, to not know what to do next. It gets easier to drop self-judgment if you can hold a neutrality toward anything you've habitually disapproved of (in yourself or others). So I'll leave you there. This is a practice. Make it an experiment (perhaps a grand experiment while you're at it). Let it take you wherever it will. Come back and seek to meet yourself, your emotions, the heart space again and again and again. Especially during intense, hard times of collective fear, grief, and letting go, as we find ourselves living in now in the time of Corona. Love & blessings, Jaya 4 Things to remind yourself early & often
(which will connect you to self & to guidance) 1. Bring it to now: Come back from the future (quit predicting what you don't want) and come back from the past (quit accruing towers of one thing stacked on top of another so it's all too much) and don't try to figure it all out. What can you do right now to align with this moment? Notice that you're equipped for this one moment. 2. Come back to the breath: Breathing is a felt, sensory experience, but we typically don't feel it. I love to invite people not to breeaaaaathe or even to take a deep breath, but to simply drop into the breath; follow it; stay with it; feel it. Feel its soothing, its kindness, its calming capacity. Feel how it brings you to the core of your being and brings your whole nervous system down a notch or two. It's powerful to take some moments dropping in with the breath and come back to yourself. 3. You don't have to figure it all out right now: This is a great thing to tell yourself to get out of your head, out of fix-it mode, out of believing you're not okay till you have it all sorted out and see the way forward. Actually, if you don't see it all clearly, then you don't have to figure it out right now. Soothe yourself instead (see Come back to the breath above). 4. You are guided: Life wants to get you where you're going. It wants to feed you, provide for your needs, heal and evolve you, keep bringing you closer to love. When you think you need to know what the future will hold, or insist on a blueprint for getting there (when there isn't one), or--yuck--fault yourself because you must be doing something wrong if you don't see the way forward: STOP. Quit thinking you're all alone and it's all up to you to find your way through the dark. You're guided. Connect to guidance. Love & blessings, Jaya heyyyy. LOOK RIGHT for CORONA SUPPORT label under CATEGORIES. Find posts most likely to support you as you move through the fascinating challenge of a pandemic. You're equipped to meet this, and to meet yourself kindly on this journey! Have you ever shown someone a startling blossom or alien bug and been disappointed by the way they say, Amazing, and then carry on? Like it was nothing? Like—what kind of amazement has no power to jolt them out of sleepwalking, even for a moment? Don’t do this to yourself. Drop a notch deeper into presence. Once you think you’ve seen something, look again. Try any of these tactics to drop down a notch, drop deeper into presence. What we’re after here is meeting the dynamic reality of this moment—not your concepts about it or all the prior decisions you’ve made, the stories you’ve rehearsed, the names and descriptors you’ve got down. (Red cardinal. Jenna when she’s moody. This much half-and-half.) These simple measures could literally take one more second—or whatever you like better in the moment.
Especially if you’ve had a thought about the being or thing perceived (and thus turned it into a concept of itself), look again as if for the first time. Apply this to the most familiar face (even in its most predictable presentation), the flower you walk by (yes—even if it did already spike appreciation), the cup steaming with the known hot beverage. Now and now and now, just for now: just one notch deeper into presence. Love & blessings, Jaya Photo on left courtesy of zwalshphotography. That picture depicts a sad white American 20-something smoking. The picture in the middle depicts a Black child aged 3-5 with sad face resting on arms. The picture on the right depicts an older Indian woman with a sad, pensive look. The written part of this post describes a meditation/visualization exercise and what it does. There's an audio at the bottom in which I walk you through this powerful process for meeting a situation that brings up strong emotion. A Formula for Meeting Feelings Well I’ve got a sentence for you to play with—a formula, actually, with an X to plug something into, but its purpose isn’t mathematical. It’s to support you to move through any strong feeling better, with greater awareness, in a way that’s kind to yourself. It has the lovely effect of both allowing you to come closer to a feeling, while simultaneously giving you distance and perspective—thus beginning to set you free, or to disconnect overt suffering from pain or discomfort. Unavoidable Pain/Optional Suffering There’s no way to avoid feeling bad sometimes. It seems to be a reality of a human life on planet Earth. We haven’t done something wrong or failed at being an evolving human being when we feel bad. Grief is real. Depression strikes. We have angry reactions (and they’re actually useful, sometimes, to show us that something’s off and must be dealt with) or feel building frustration (which is useful to call us to a reset if we catch it and respond!). There’s truly no problem with feeling bad. The problem is that we let it get to us, hijack the mind, and take us down the rabbit hole—or to places far uglier and less cozy than I imagine any rabbit hole to be. We quickly go from pain or discomfort to overt suffering--and that part is typically optional. Think-Feel Feedback Loop You’ve seen yourself put a story to what you’re feeling, right? You’ve caught yourself reviewing details of the story that seems to be the obvious cause of a bad feeling. Absorbed in the story, you intensify the feeling, and that stronger feeling asks for more story. Redundantly reviewing its details and your assessments of it (not fair, not okay, makes no sense), you get sucked in deeper; the feeling gets stronger still. Taking off on some defensive inner response (not what I meant, not my fault, not what I usually do) or some wretched interpretation (unseen, abandoned, betrayed), you may successfully get stuck in a bad feeling and perpetuate it for some time. Come Close to Feelings You May Want to Push Away Even if you try to shove it down, you can’t quite shake it off. It colors whatever you do—certainly your sense of well-being, possibly what others around you experience. The dark cloud you carry around may dim the whole room. Or are you someone who pretends it’s all good, unaware you’re radiating something false and impenetrable that frustrates and mystifies those around you? But you could come close to the feeling instead, even magnify it for a moment, and really let yourself feel it. (By feel it, I mean feel it, not think about it.) Hey, the feeling’s here anyway (it’s present), so you may as well give it your awareness (your presence). That’s where my formula comes in. Tell yourself, This is what X feels like. Ideally, sit down or lie down with it a moment, but you could do this while working on the computer, or performing any rote task. Here you are, living your human life. And here’s this normal (painful) feeling: X. If you can close your eyes, this can help you drop fully into the feeling, even for 30 seconds or a minute. I’m going to first walk you through coming close to the feeling, then have you notice you’re gaining distance in so doing. Plug In a Feeling Name or General Description of Situation for X Your first job is to fill in the X with your best label or name for the feeling at hand. This is what loneliness feels like. This is what techno-frustration feels like. This is what worry about someone you love feels like. This is what distress over planetary problems feels like. Whatever it is, name it, plug it in for X, and take it in. This Is What X Feels Like This. This is what it feels like. The phrase itself holds an invitation to feel it, so that's your second job. Not just feel it, but feel it precisely. You could
In short, come close enough that you truly let yourself feel what you’re feeling. In this way, you get present to the feeling. By not ignoring or minimizing it, you teach yourself that you’re fully equipped to feel this painful sensation: it’s not bigger than you; it won’t get the best of you. Into the Feeling, Out of Conceptualizing It! Perhaps most important, this gets you out of transferring a bodily sensation to the mind, making a concept out of it, bypassing the actual felt, sensory experience of what’s moving through you. This in itself is powerful. It also allows the feeling X, I believe, to better move through you and move on: you know, that pesky the-way-out-is-through thing. The Simple Power of Breathing a Feeling And while you’re giving X your awareness, you might consciously give it breath, though it’s likely that will happen anyway. The breath is soothing, calming, leveling to the nervous system. The breath is kind. You might think in terms of the breath wanting to support you and get you through whatever you’re moving through. The breath, too, is a felt, sensory experience that we seldom feel at all. When you sit with this formula, tune in to the breath (no manipulations needed, though you’re welcome to slow it down and deepen it if you like—it’ll go that direction anyway if you give it attention for a bit). Gaining Distance from the Feeling by Joining the Human Race As you repeat This is what X feels like, be aware that any number of human beings have felt this way over time. Right now, some are feeling it right along with you. Connect to them. Be one with them. You might even imagine specific faces. Take these from all the continents, from various races, ages, socio-economic levels, gender expressions. We are all one. You are not alone, and in holding awareness of others in the same boat, you cast your vote that they feel relief too, that they feel less alone too. As you simply keep holding what X feels like with the gaze of the compassionate, dispassionate witness, noticing that others feel it too, welcome yourself to the human race. Take the compassion you’re able (probably more easily) to extend to others, and bring it back to yourself. (Aw, sweetheart, Ow.) And know it's okay for you to feel this: it's something that human beings, in the course of a lifetime, over the course of eons, feel and have felt. Why shouldn’t you feel it too, just for now? There’s no problem. And you don’t have to suffer. You don’t have to add in and review and get preoccupied with the story of the hour that seems to have launched the feeling X. You can just feel this pain. You can let it move through you and move on. Below is an audio version of this exercise. I highly recommend that you do it when you're in the thick of a feeling, especially if you don't know what to do with it, can't get out of the related story, or need support coming back to yourself and walking yourself through it kindly. If you're not doing it for the first time, you can begin at the 2:45 mark, when we launch the actual process. Click on left arrow on audio bar below to hear the meditation/visualization. Love & blessings, Jaya p.s. Want a list of things NOT to get involved with when you feel bad? Here are my well-loved (helpful, practical) 11 Rules for When You’re Discouraged or Distressed. |
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