JAYA the TRUST COACH
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diamonds & trust nuggets

beyond do-do-doership

8/3/2017

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Here's a sane, peaceful, trusting alternative to doership.


The idea of doership, or being the doer, is that you’re the one making things happen or getting things done—and when you’re in doership, you’re in illusion (uh, not to mention stress). You’re also prone to getting intense about how things go, in what timing, and with what outcome. Here’s a great sentence from an online dictionary explaining doership: “If there is no feeling of doership in the deed performed, then bondage will not result.”

How do you get out of doership? (If you’re skimming or in get-in-get-out mode, drop down to bullet points below for sound things to tell yourself when you catch yourself being the doer.) First, simply notice when you’re believing you’re the one who makes it happen, or you have to get it done, or if you don’t do this, no one else will or it won’t get done right or all hell will break loose. Notice when you’re doing a task or moving from point A to point B between tasks in a way that’s tense, driven, anxious, frenetic. Notice the lack of peace [substitute ease, equanimity, joy, connection to magic] in do-do-do-do-do.

Stop. If you can’t take a pause, then follow the next instructions while you’re carrying on with whatever you must do. Tune in to your breath and watch it go in and out. Follow the passage of the breath, right on its heels, experiencing exactly where it is in your body at any given moment. Feel the inevitable pause once the out-breath is spent. Come back to the core of yourself, back to center, by following the breath. This will also instantly serve to calm you, even a bit, and to elongate the breath—with no actual effort to do that. Just watch the breath—don’t slow it down; it will slow down on its own.

Now find where you’re believing you’re the one who makes it happen. Notice you think you have to make it happen. Notice you’re believing that your doing is why you’re here, or your most important assignment, or at the very least what you must do right now. Consider the possibility that you’re in illusion. Tell yourself clearly, explicitly: I’m in doership right now, so I must be in illusion.

Next tell yourself a number of things you can actually believe to counter this thought that you have to make it happen. I’ll list a bunch of possibilities, and you can adopt those that resonate and come up with more on your own. The point is to counter this potent belief with a good number of other things that you can also believe and that are closer to truth:
  • I don’t have to make it happen.
  • I have to get out of the way.
  • I have to let go.
  • I’d do better to let go.
  • I get to let go.
  • I get to experience the pure relief of letting go.
  • I could show up with curiosity and be present to what does happen instead of making things happen.
  • I get to show up with curiosity.
  • I get to be present to what’s actually happening.
  • I get to keep releasing what’s not mine to control or to do. I release it to what’s bigger than me [plug in Higher Power, the Universe, Source—the G-word goes here if you use it].
  • I get to find the way downstream.
  • I get to drop the paddle and quit forcing my way upstream.
  • I need only determine what’s actually mine to do.
  • I get to do only what’s mine to do.
  • I get to do that with the greatest ease I can drop into.
  • I get to harness the power of ease, effortlessness, alignment.
  • I really need to work less and play more, even as I continue to appropriately take care of what’s mine to take care of, do what’s mine to do.
  • I need to spend more time witnessing the amazing work of the infinite organizing intelligence of the Universe.
  • I get to spend more time witnessing the amazing work of the infinite organizing intelligence of the Universe.
  • I need to align with that and find my way in the flow.
  • I get to align with that.
  • I get to be connected. I am connected.
  • I honor my connection to Source, self, and others—I am never separate, though I might feel like I am and believe I am, especially when I’m in doership.
  • I get to show up, present, watching for what happens next, watching what life shows me.
  • I’m not present when I’m in doership. I’m missing or resisting or plowing through what’s actually happening when I’m in doership. I get to come back to presence.
  • As for my place in the whole, my own right actions, my guidance system will always show me the next step to take or even a possible step to experiment with taking.
  • My guidance system will show me how to course-correct as I go.
  • I love that my guidance system always alerts me to tweaks needed as I move down my path.
  • What I really have to do is let go of outcomes.
  • I get to let go of outcomes.
  • I get to let go of understanding the whole journey.
  • I get to let go of figuring it all out and making it all come together.
  • I am not the doer.
  • I get to show up for what’s happening now.
  • Sometimes it’s my job to look at the big picture and plan and schedule things or lay out structures and timelines. Otherwise, the future is not mine to mind.
  • I get to be present to now, determine and show up for my task in the now, connected to the greater whole and good of all concerned, connected even to the flow of the entire cosmos.
  • I get to show up for what’s happening now and find the most effortless way to do what’s mine to do, the thing that comes through me.
  • I love that so many things, when I let go, happen with an ease and grace and utter perfection that I couldn’t have orchestrated myself. I let go.

If any of that leaves you feeling more relaxed and more expansive, you’re on the right track. Use the contractions you feel to call you to a pause for breath and mental reset. On the physical level, notice clenched muscles, furrowed brow, frenetic motions—even irritated or bossy tones of voice. Catch yourself (kindly, without judgment) in needless intensity and tension. Come back to the breath, back to what’s truer and more aligned than forcing your way through as the doer. You really do get to live in alignment and flow—and you’ll function more effectively and even more efficiently when you’re there.

​Beyond doership is a great exhale and opening to magic! 
Note that part of living in everyday magic includes aligning with flow, connecting to your guidance system, living in the now. Show up for the journey, now and now and now, because that’s where the magic reveals itself.​
Love & blessings, Jaya

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How to prevent or allow living in everyday magic

5/20/2017

 
We are all deeply connected, and living in alignment can mean connecting to the symbolic aspects of this Universe, and its playful, responsive nature. A way I like to say it for myself is, I'm in dialogue with the Universe, and I'm not the only one talking. In brief, the stuff of the magic includes signs and symbols, gorgeous timing, unplanned rendez-vous, fun with words and numbers, recognition, echos, repetition--all manner of synchronicity--and more. If we choose, we have access to this magic every day.


You cannot live in everyday magic if
  • you hate mundane tasks and think and talk about what  a pain they are
  • you practice the fundamentalist religion of efficiency
  • you allow yourself to be thrown off by things like poor customer service or pathetic world affairs—or you find yourself thrown off by such things and get stuck there, either by cultivating the feelings, reviewing the gory details, or judging yourself for feeling stuck or thrown off
  • you live by a script written out as to-do lists
  • you're always focused on what's undone or what wasn't done well enough
  • you go to bed reviewing what's wrong, bad, scary, troublesome, undone, not done well enough (then wake up reviewing ...)
  • you're making your personal-growth process a fix-it project, especially one with little kindness or gentleness (please read my book Scooch! if this is you!)
  • you're constantly evaluating and assessing and predicting
  • you're letting fear make your small and large decisions for you
  • you make little of crazy-amazing things that happen (even small samples of such) and feel a bit weird or foolish for noticing them at all

You get to live in and cultivate everyday magic when
  • you allow yourself to be struck with awe and wonder by the smallest things (bubble, flower, freckle)
  • you allow yourself to feel and think anything without judging it (and you still don't have to believe your own thoughts)
  • you dabble even intermittently with beginner's mind ("This is all brand new," "I've never seen you before, Familiar One," "I don't fully know all the things I think I know")
  • you play with new ways to love and test what unconditional love might mean as an ongoing project (what does it mean right now to drop conditions for loving you?)
  • you have great boundaries and don't fear, worry, or believe that your boundaries harm others (or keep walking yourself out of such fears)
  • you're willing to go against tendency
  • you cultivate a great relationship with your guidance system, prioritizing what comes up from inside over directives and opinions that come from the outside (and adopt outer suggestions only when and because they resonate with that inner thing that knows the difference between words that come in like a purifying gong sound or a lovely breeze versus those that hit like a sharp slap or an alarming siren)
  • you NOTICE and enjoy and appreciate magical things like synchronicity; crazy-amazing timing; repeating numbers, titles, images, words, people; signs and symbols that permeate your world, including in dreams, things watched or heard or overheard, encountered out and about, or online, or anywhere; and so on
  • you go to bed thinking about things you love, reviewing good moments in the day, considering what's done and done well enough, appreciating all that supports your beautiful life
  • you admire and adore the people you live with and encounter
  • you love yourself
  • you love yourself
  • you fucking love yourself, even now, even at your worst, even weak, even covered in snot, even when you hear yourself use that tone you most hate, even when you catch yourself in self-loathing; you just keep learning how to come back to self-love, a place from which, I swear to goddess, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

You're beautiful, and the magic abounds.
Love & blessings, Jaya

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