​(Have you ever noticed you can follow the bold print in these writings to get the gist of it for a quick read and to find where you may want to go in more deeply? Yup.)

I meant to get this email out earlier but I got busy googling Can you freeze red lentil soup? and then best lesbian dating apps for Kansas City, then I looked again to make sure I hadn’t missed any of the free NYT daily puzzles.

Just kidding. I HAVE, however, been thinking about how distractions have innocent motives*. Your little or grand time-wasting side trips carry messages & invitations for your greater well-being—if only they can elbow past your self-accusations of lazy distractible unfocused procrastinating or whatever you choose to call it to make yourself feel bad.

(*Thank you to brilliant coach Jude Spacks for giving me this phrase and concept of the innocent motive.)

Ever notice that feeling bad about your behavior (thus yourself) is possibly the LEAST likely way to move away from what you’re not loving? It’s certainly not the easiest, quickest, or kindest way out!

So, wanna drop the judgments with me for a moment and explore what wants to come through that could actually feel good to you? That could in fact usher you right into the next bigger-better version of yourself?

DISCLAIMER: Please don’t misread me and think I’m saying you should never play games or run curious online searches or binge-watch a good show. I’m not saying that at all. I’m addressing the surplus of that—and how you know it’s too much is not related to a concept or number of minutes. Just this: It feels like too much TO YOU. It feels BAD.

See what hits you in this list of possible invitations seeking to come in when you reach for the stuff that zaps your time and messes with your ideas of productivity. Which messages might be for you? Or what else do they bring in as fresh ideas for what you’re really after?

Your (loving, entirely UNscolding) guidance system may be saying:

• Are you sure you’ve been playing enough, honey? Schedule in some fun time more consciously. Stuff that’s REALLY fun, please. Run & play with dogs & children. Ambush a cat who will ambush you back. Dance, laugh, take a field trip somewhere new.
  
  
• Hey, you’re really seeking to alleviate some discomfort here. Move away from your [desk, cubby, work station] more often. Take more small breaks. GO OUTSIDE, even to step out and breathe a bit with your senses activated. Move the body and get energy flowing all through you. Give your eyes the rest and treat of looking up into trees, skies, light.
  
  
• The thing you’re avoiding you actually want to do. There are some [fears, worries, not-sure-how’s] in the way. Come along. Let’s step into the shallow end at your point of least resistance and take one simple step with ease. See how that goes. Watch for the possibility of momentum building.
  
  
• You’re not CLEARLY making certain choices in your life to create & experience more of what’s actually important to you—what you truly want. Where are you abdicating to what others want from or expect of you? Choose what you actually want to be/do/have in order to fully be you (then maybe you won’t choose this piddly-distraction stuff you don’t actually want to give hours to).

It could be so many things! More below for you to see what’s yours or jogs your thinking toward the more precise issue/s for you.​

  

• There’s something you’re [sad, mad, confused, disturbed] about and you’d actually feel better sitting with that a minute. What if you just sat and breathed it without trying to figure it out? Just feel it in the body and give it a kind, compassionate gaze. Pause to breathe in and around it. Don’t go to the head, leave solutioning alone, and instead offer what feels bad a few conscious moments to see what may arise.
  
  
• ACTUALLY, dear one, you’re too obsessed with productivity, and your inner rebel wants to push against that. Consider your natural fluctuations of energy. What if you went with the flow more & consciously chose the nonproductive sometimes? Let it be okay to have ebb & flow. Your experiment with this could show you increased productivity overall! (I dare you to run the experiment!)
  
  
• The more you don’t let yourself be as big as you could be, my love, the more you reach for things that diminish you, that trivialize the fullness of all that you are, and that fill your time with the superfluous & insubstantial.
  
  
• Sweetheart, you’re working too hard, pure & simple. Work easier. Spend more time relaxing & aligning, even in small spurts and transitional moments, so that the quality of your work (your offering to the world!) is imbued with ease, flow, a satisfied sense of well-being.
  
  
• Do less, and opt in fully to what you do choose to do. Don’t allow yourself to be divided.

Hey, I recently did a group EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping) session that felt like an inspired journey of connecting to and honoring the guidance system that’s unique to each of us. Check it out if drawn! Your guidance system can support you to get out of anything you don’t actually feel good about doing RIGHT NOW and point you to what would truly meet your needs, fulfill your desires, and move you along toward your visions and intentions!

Love & blessings, Jaya

​For the quick version, scan the 11 points and drop in with the one or ones that calls to you. This stuff has the potential to make your life feel way better.)

As I move along in my journey, I become an ever greater fan of whatever gets you (and me!) down the road most effortlessly. I’m all about rewriting the old scripts about how hard you have to work to get to where you want to go, how nothing worth having doesn’t entail blood, sweat, and tears to get there, blah-blah-blabetty-hard-work-blah.

So here, I offer you 11 CRAZY-EASY WAYS to make a quick shift right here & now as you go along your way. Super-simple things to keep you moving with the greatest ease (and kindness!). Tiny ways to adjust or course-correct that cost you little—beyond keeping them in view and simply reaching for them as a practice.

If this idea of microshifts is hard to keep in view (which will only mean you need practice to recalibrate to a more you-friendly way of being), why not print out the 11 tactics that follow?

1. Simply notice that what you’re doing (thinking, speaking) right now doesn’t feel good! Take note. LET IN that information instead of plowing through it. Breathe a moment as you notice. This feels bad. This is worth my noticing. (Note that you were taught to plow through, not value feeling bad as part of what’s meant to guide you toward what feels better.)
2. Interrupt what feels bad. (This can mean, stop talking, put it down, take a break, leave …) Abraham-Hicks says that you have to VALUE feeling good—value it enough to keep interrupting feeling bad. That just makes simple, solid sense to me. Does it to you? How much do you value feeling good? How much do you expect to feel good? How much do you intend to feel good? How often do you interrupt what feels bad? I invite you to increase that. (It would make a valid & worthwhile experiment!)
3. Reach for what feels better: something to ease, nourish, or hydrate the body; new thoughts or some activity that would soothe or elevate emotion; better-feeling thoughts.
4. Notice when you’re talking about what you DON’T want. Switch to talking about what you DO want. (That’s so simple—and maybe the most important & powerful thing on this list in terms of creating the life you want.)
5. Notice & interrupt your fixation on what isn’t to your liking. Even if you’re really really right about how things should be. Shift your focus to (write down in list form, list to yourself out loud or mentally, say to other sentient beings around you) what’s going right. What’s good or good enough. What’s working, what’s here to support you & get you through the moment. That shift in fixation (as an ongoing practice, and just RIGHT NOW) supports living in appreciation and fosters a greater sense of well-being.
6. Laugh more. Be amused by life and the characters in it. Shift annoyance at someone to enjoying how well they play this caricature of themselves. Say funny things. Find people to play with you in fun repartee. If you need to, watch or listen to things that make you laugh. Ask a child to tell you a joke (their mirth could make you laugh even if the joke’s not that funny!) Find the humorous spin on what’s happening now. (Who is it you want to have around when things get hard and absurd? Those complaining & pointing out all that’s wrong? Or those making light of it and finding fun in the delay, the rerouting, the absurdly piss-poor customer service?)
7. Let go of what you’re insisting on if insisting feels bad. This is where you may get sucked into the illusion that you’ll feel better if … someone else acknowledges something, gets it, offers validation, apologizes, tells you you’re right—all the things you may well deserve and just may not get. So … let go, just for now. It’s ultimately an illusion that you must have these things to feel good. That puts you at someone else’s mercy, or at the mercy of events & circumstances beyond your control. You control how you feel, so let go of the thing you want to hold on to & insist upon that’s making you feel bad. (THAT’S what’s making you feel bad, not the outer stuff people & life are & aren’t doing.) For now, just let it be okay to let go. If some greater thing is needed later for a relationship or system to function better, you can have the conversations or take the actions toward change—later. Right now, just let go. Trust it’s okay. For now, it’s really okay, it’s really better, to let go.
8. Notice harsh or unkind self-talk—including subtle, mental, even pre-verbal instances of that--and speak again. Immediately. If you ask yourself, for example, what the fuck is wrong with you, pause. Let that feel jarring, not normal. Maybe say, Whoa, what’s this? Then speak again: There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. You’re fine. You’re doing great enough. What is it that this moment is asking for? You don’t need to evaluate what’s wrong with you. You just need to head toward what feels good [better, kind, aligned, ethical, loving, wise]. Always give yourself WAY MORE positive messages to counter the negative. Overwhelm the habitual old messages with a torrent of kinder, truer, more positive, soothing, empowering messages.
9. When something tugs at you, respond at once—even to just take a look if you don’t feel ready to act. What’s asking for your attention? What is your guidance system inviting you to move away from, step into, sit down with? What’s feeling bad now that felt good before (the show viewing, the game, even the cleaning or ordering or working)? Respond to those tugs because they’ll get you where you need to go. They’ll support you to notice & shift faster when things feel bad.
10. Right now, reach for your point of least resistance, especially when you’re stuck, stubbornly not budging, feeling contracted, calling yourself lazy, pushing against something (etc, etc). Just find an easy point of entry to just do one thing, to just begin it or move it forward a bit, the one next bit. What’s the easiest thing you can do toward the dreaded task? You can show up better if you shift in the moment out of contemplating (and resisting) the whole task and into considering just the one easiest next thing. Place your foot in the most reachable spot that points roughly in the right direction.
11. Feeling discouraged or bad about yourself or how you’re doing? Go back and look at how far you’ve come. Catalogue your accomplishments and refuse to dilute them by comparing them to those of others or by adding limiting qualifiers (e.g., For such a late bloomer, I did finally do this). Celebrate your small & any-sized triumphs more along the way. Gauge the evolution. You’re growing & evolving, so it’s unfair to yourself and to your ongoing growth trajectory to focus on what you haven’t done or aren’t seemingly nailing right this moment.

​Bring these things to the day-to-day—these and whatever comes to you in the now-moment you need something. What could help you respond in the moment with some small shift to make things feel better & easier? What you want is within reach!
​
With this mentality of easy microadjustments in place, you can play with & master shifting quickly in any number of ways toward what feels & works better. What if you committed to making this journey you’re on feel better much more often (right now, and now, and now again)? Whatever is or isn’t happening, whatever you can or can’t do in the ideal here & now, you can keep yourself moving along in kinder, more relaxed, easier ways.

Love & blessings, Jaya

I love super-simple ways to bring in greater ease, clarity, and joy.

Since our thoughts shape our reality—and also show us how we’re viewing, holding, and moving through our reality—I love looking at thoughts to notice, very simply …

Is this an upstream thought or a downstream thought?

I got this from Abraham-Hicks.

Is this thought taking me toward stress, fear, disempowerment, a sense of doing it wrong [or not doing enough, or working with the cards stacked against me, or keep filling in the blank to match what you steer yourself into]? Or is it taking me toward greater ease, trust, joy [or empowerment, or a sense of potential & possibility, or keep filling in the blank to match what you prefer]?

Upstream or downstream? Am I riding the current to get to where I want to go with ease and efficiency? Or am I pushing against the current and costing myself a whole lot of wasted energy as I feel increasingly exhausted and lose any sense of well-being?

And note that thoughts, much like potato chips, aren’t really interacted with one at a time. So in a series or sequence of thoughts, you might notice what’s upstream and what’s downstream.

I can’t seem to get ahead.
Upstream thought.

I work so hard but it’s not really getting me anywhere.
Upstream.

I’m really just bad at the whole money thing.
Upstream.

Things really aren’t great in my field for anyone right now.
Upstream—maybe thinking about pointing downstream, because now it’s less personal and contains less self-blame, but it has a victim component and isn’t exactly hopeful or empowering. Still, maybe you’re trying to tilt the paddle the way the instructor showed you works better. …

I’m really trying.
Upstream (maybe masquerading as downstream, but nope, still no).

I just can’t seem to get ahead.
Squarely back upstream.

Um, so how do you get downstream from there?
​

The problem with those potato-chip thoughts is, you keep grabbing the next one, the next one, the next one, and there’s a momentum that revs up. It gets harder and harder to go in the other direction.

So just reach. One thought at a time. Reach for the easiest downstream or canoe-shifting or oar-reposition thought you can see to reach for.

I’m actually okay right now.
Definitely heading the right direction.

My basic needs are met.
Downstream.

I’m actually well.
Downstream.

I usually like my life.
Angling a bit upstream, especially if the focus is on usually, but not bad, not bad.

I’ve really come a long way with money stuff.
Downstream.

I’m doing better than ever.
Downstream.

I wasn’t sure I could pay off that credit card debt, but I totally did.
Downstream.

Of course, I still have no savings.
Upstream!

I’m fortunate to have a job that many would be happy to have.
Okay, heading roughly in the right direction. Especially if you’re not feeling that in any way that resembles, I really should be grateful or this job, too, will be snatched away. (Ay, the gratitude thing can be slippery.)

I actually like my job.
Downstream.

They’re not paying me what I’m worth, though.
Upstream.

I mean, I often love my job.
Downstream.

And I’m getting better and better at what I do.
Downstream.

That could actually mean more money.
Downstream.

Someday.
Um …

But with my luck--
Upstream!

I did get a raise last year.
Downstream.

From there, you could go upstream (So Goddess knows how many years till the next one) or downstream. You can always next go upstream or down with your next thought.

Let’s string together a bunch of downstream thoughts, because that’s where I want to invite you to take yourself when you do this at home. (Go ahead! Boldly try this on your own at home!)

So between that and the debt I paid off, it really is better.
And there are more ways to make money besides raises.
And in the meantime, I love my life.
I don’t need to figure this money thing out right now.
I don’t even need to give it my focus.
I’m open to inspired ways to bring money in and feel good about what goes out.
I’ve gotten so much better at things I used to think I’d never do better with [even better, name one or more specific things], so I can get better at money too.
Money, to the Universe, is no thornier or trickier than any other topic, and I’m willing to keep shedding old ideas about my identity as hopelessly money-challenged.
Nothing is hopeless. Everything is hopeful.
In fact, things work out for me.
Things are always working out for me.


It really helps to do this out loud or on paper, not in that morass of the mind.

Write down your thoughts about money (or whatever) so you can see a sequence in black and white. Do that, then go back and ask about each one, Upstream or downstream?

Or ask someone you love to hear you speak your thoughts out loud, and do that one sentence at a time. Have them simply ask after each sentence: Upstream or downstream? And you answer.

Say a few typical thoughts, and once you get the feel of what you’re doing to yourself with your upstream line of thinking, consciously head downstream!

With a little practice, you could get really good at cultivating downstream thoughts, and living the downstream life!

Love & blessings, Jaya

(Would you, could you believe that it’s supposed to be easy?)
I just found a little note I wrote for myself with an Abraham-Hicks quote that struck me: “The path of least resistance is also the path of greatest joy, greatest clarity, and the most fun!”
 
Abraham’s path of least resistance is a crazy-simple concept: You watch for and find the easiest, most effortless spot to next place your foot. Don’t see the whole picture? Don’t have a start-to-finish plan? No problem. Find your next step, knowing that’s enough. Take the easiest step you have access to.
 
You can do it tired, scared, confused. Point yourself roughly in the right direction (as I talk about in part 4 of Scooch!) and step forward, wherever your foot can land without some big leap or forceful stomping.
 
You can do it with curiosity instead of dread; you can stay tuned for the guidance rather than fear you’ll get it wrong. You can trust yourself to course-correct as you go.
 
It’s always okay to find you’re in resistance. Watch it dispassionately, compassionately. Then find your point of least resistance, and step there. Rinse and repeat; rinse and repeat. You’ll see and feel the resistance melt away. You’ll find the momentum builds as you go, often surprisingly swiftly.
 
To proceed along the path of least resistance, start by noticing when you’re in resistance.
 
In your body, resistance can feel like

• contraction/tension
• anxiety/adrenaline
• discomfort
• distress
• illness or disease or anything out of whack
• depression, procrastination, shut-down
• those gut feelings that something is off

You’re in resistance when you're

• second-guessing and what-iffing
• talking yourself into and out of things
• making excuses (even for others) or rationalizing your decisions
• treating someone else in the story like a victim that you have to be careful with
• declaring yourself to be a victim of what’s hard or going wrong (vs. getting curious and paying attention)
• wondering whether you're attracted or not; whether you really want to go somewhere or do something or not
• thinking you need to see the whole picture, have a whole plan, before you move
• thinking you need to gather more knowledge or garner more support before you start
• making it about money (no, in case you balk at that, I actually do personally and viscerally know what poverty looks like)
• giving yourself lectures on things like responsibility or commitment (when you haven’t failed to be responsible or to commit)
• telling yourself why you can’t have what you want, or why it won’t work
• calling yourself XYZ for wanting what you want or going for what you’re after (What do you call yourself to stop your right movement? Privileged, greedy, selfish?)
• calling yourself XYZ for being immobilized, instead of looking at fears (de)constructively and compassionately (Do you call yourself lazy, bad at follow-through, undeserving?)
• going in again and again after each next nosedive or shut door (I don’t mean appropriate persistence when you feel connected to your vision! I mean when you’re more like a bull in a china shop than a curious explorer picking your way through uncharted territory—hey, you get to choose the metaphor you want to play out!)

 
It also helps to be clear about the signs that you're on a path of least resistance:

• it often feels easy
• even where it’s hard, you’re having fun, you feel inspired
• you feel challenged in the good way
• where there’s actual effort needed, you feel equipped for that—not overwhelmed—so it’s effort worth exerting
• there's a sense of rightness (or, in romance/relationship, that you get each other, that you’re super curious about this individual, that you feel their genuine interest in you)
• you're able to be present, able to come back from wondering or worrying about the future
• you're not riding a yo-yo in a stay-or-go decision-making process
• there's more right than wrong
• you feel a series of obstacles as an interesting journey that’s building muscles you need (not as a string of defeating, demoralizing debacles)
• you often see that what comes up is your stuff and you're therefore able to process it at that level, not go after the situation or the other person requiring them to change (in dating or in working/living closely with others, you can process what comes up without necessarily involving the other, or you can process it first for yourself then bring them the short version; note you’re not asking them to fix it for you or adjust themselves for your well-being)

 
How to follow the path of least resistance:
All you need to do is gingerly pick your way along the unknown way, one step at a time, simply finding your next point of least resistance. What’s the easiest way to go that feels like it’s in the right direction? Forget the whole picture. Don’t call this one step a drop in the bucket. Your point of least resistance simply gives you access to movement. One step, and another, and the next, until you’re moving so well, you forget you didn’t know how to do this. You’ll course-correct as you go, so don’t worry about whether you’re heading just the right way. You’re meant to build and ride momentum.
 
Hey, it’s not just that the path of least resistance will get you to where you’re going in the most effortless way. Remember the quote I began with from Abraham-Hicks? “The path of least resistance is also the path of greatest joy, greatest clarity, and the most fun!” So when it feels like that … you’re on it!
 
Love & blessings, Jaya

Note that an earlier post on least resistance approaches these concepts from another angle.