(Would you, could you believe that it’s supposed to be easy?)
I just found a little note I wrote for myself with an Abraham-Hicks quote that struck me: “The path of least resistance is also the path of greatest joy, greatest clarity, and the most fun!”
 
Abraham’s path of least resistance is a crazy-simple concept: You watch for and find the easiest, most effortless spot to next place your foot. Don’t see the whole picture? Don’t have a start-to-finish plan? No problem. Find your next step, knowing that’s enough. Take the easiest step you have access to.
 
You can do it tired, scared, confused. Point yourself roughly in the right direction (as I talk about in part 4 of Scooch!) and step forward, wherever your foot can land without some big leap or forceful stomping.
 
You can do it with curiosity instead of dread; you can stay tuned for the guidance rather than fear you’ll get it wrong. You can trust yourself to course-correct as you go.
 
It’s always okay to find you’re in resistance. Watch it dispassionately, compassionately. Then find your point of least resistance, and step there. Rinse and repeat; rinse and repeat. You’ll see and feel the resistance melt away. You’ll find the momentum builds as you go, often surprisingly swiftly.
 
To proceed along the path of least resistance, start by noticing when you’re in resistance.
 
In your body, resistance can feel like

• contraction/tension
• anxiety/adrenaline
• discomfort
• distress
• illness or disease or anything out of whack
• depression, procrastination, shut-down
• those gut feelings that something is off

You’re in resistance when you're

• second-guessing and what-iffing
• talking yourself into and out of things
• making excuses (even for others) or rationalizing your decisions
• treating someone else in the story like a victim that you have to be careful with
• declaring yourself to be a victim of what’s hard or going wrong (vs. getting curious and paying attention)
• wondering whether you're attracted or not; whether you really want to go somewhere or do something or not
• thinking you need to see the whole picture, have a whole plan, before you move
• thinking you need to gather more knowledge or garner more support before you start
• making it about money (no, in case you balk at that, I actually do personally and viscerally know what poverty looks like)
• giving yourself lectures on things like responsibility or commitment (when you haven’t failed to be responsible or to commit)
• telling yourself why you can’t have what you want, or why it won’t work
• calling yourself XYZ for wanting what you want or going for what you’re after (What do you call yourself to stop your right movement? Privileged, greedy, selfish?)
• calling yourself XYZ for being immobilized, instead of looking at fears (de)constructively and compassionately (Do you call yourself lazy, bad at follow-through, undeserving?)
• going in again and again after each next nosedive or shut door (I don’t mean appropriate persistence when you feel connected to your vision! I mean when you’re more like a bull in a china shop than a curious explorer picking your way through uncharted territory—hey, you get to choose the metaphor you want to play out!)

 
It also helps to be clear about the signs that you're on a path of least resistance:

• it often feels easy
• even where it’s hard, you’re having fun, you feel inspired
• you feel challenged in the good way
• where there’s actual effort needed, you feel equipped for that—not overwhelmed—so it’s effort worth exerting
• there's a sense of rightness (or, in romance/relationship, that you get each other, that you’re super curious about this individual, that you feel their genuine interest in you)
• you're able to be present, able to come back from wondering or worrying about the future
• you're not riding a yo-yo in a stay-or-go decision-making process
• there's more right than wrong
• you feel a series of obstacles as an interesting journey that’s building muscles you need (not as a string of defeating, demoralizing debacles)
• you often see that what comes up is your stuff and you're therefore able to process it at that level, not go after the situation or the other person requiring them to change (in dating or in working/living closely with others, you can process what comes up without necessarily involving the other, or you can process it first for yourself then bring them the short version; note you’re not asking them to fix it for you or adjust themselves for your well-being)

 
How to follow the path of least resistance:
All you need to do is gingerly pick your way along the unknown way, one step at a time, simply finding your next point of least resistance. What’s the easiest way to go that feels like it’s in the right direction? Forget the whole picture. Don’t call this one step a drop in the bucket. Your point of least resistance simply gives you access to movement. One step, and another, and the next, until you’re moving so well, you forget you didn’t know how to do this. You’ll course-correct as you go, so don’t worry about whether you’re heading just the right way. You’re meant to build and ride momentum.
 
Hey, it’s not just that the path of least resistance will get you to where you’re going in the most effortless way. Remember the quote I began with from Abraham-Hicks? “The path of least resistance is also the path of greatest joy, greatest clarity, and the most fun!” So when it feels like that … you’re on it!
 
Love & blessings, Jaya

Note that an earlier post on least resistance approaches these concepts from another angle.

Recipes for Sanity & Self-Honoring during the Holidays

It's not just your crazy mother or clueless cousin doing what predictably makes you quietly go insane. It's you. It's that you predictably go quietly insane.

This collection of simple and radical recipes should get you to more nuances of grounded, present, open, easy, humor-aware. (For a humorous angle on what normally feels like no joke, see the Recipe for Not Being Driven Insane by the Ones Who Drive You Insane. There's a radical experiment possible with the Recipe for Letting Go of Control—take it to heart.) All of this should support you to give thanks at Thanksgiving (and beyond) from a genuinely appreciative stance.

Use the headings to navigate all the material below. Go to what serves you and what you want to serve. Recipes are preceded by some notes on presence. (I'm on a personal and professional mission to keep going deeper and getting more subtle with what it means to be present.)

These are the recipes covered below (scroll down to "RECIPES BEGIN HERE" and sub-headings below that of specific ones that call to you):

• Recipe for Letting Go of Control (the disaster-zone metaphor that puts it all in perspective)
• Recipe for Presence
• Recipe for Being at Ease
• Recipe for Connecting to Others You May Not Typically or EasilyConnect With
• Recipe for Not Being Driven Insane by the Ones Who Drive You Insane
• Recipe for Connecting to Source, Self, and Others

Notes on Presence
Going back to known people and places with predictable challenges and triggers doesn't require replaying the same call-and-response scenarios.

How is it even possible to do it differently? In a word, presence.
Presence is the how. It's the thing that allows you to have half a prayer of choosing (hey, even super-solid agency in choosing) how you want to respond, as opposed to reacting from your well-rehearsed personality strategy. It even helps you find your footing again when you catch yourself in reactive mode, either internally or externally. (Sharp tone? Rolling/glaring eyes hijacked by your inner teen?)

I actually believe it's not that hard to cultivate presence and step in differently. And in fact, your quotient of ease will keep increasing as you do, then it gets easier and easier.

When you're in the past reviewing or measuring the present against all you've ever dealt with; or when you're in the future (even, how will I get to the end of this day)—you've left the present. You've therefore abandoned yourself (because your actual self is here, now) and you're not engaged with your smarts, wit, potential clarity, power of choice, compassion for self and others (I could go on). You're also unable to take responsibility for self-care, never mind total self-honoring that nurtures and invites your best self.

Presence doesn't require exertion. It's more about relaxing and allowing than straining. It does require a willingness to keep practicing, keep coming back, keep tuning in. It also requires allowing what is: thus, when you're present, you'll be present not only to the love and nice smells and unicorns and rainbows, but to the twisting in your gut, the painful ideologies of other human beings, your own tense body and judgmental mind, and so on. Presence means tuning in to and allowing whatever is—not setting it up so that you control what is (probably what you're up to when you can't relax).

Uh, what's the point of getting present (in the midst of what could be love-fun-warm-fuzzies) to what hurts, feels bad, creates sorrow, anger, and tense resentment?

I've got 3 great answers to that.
Great answer #1: You're in reality and aligned with what's actually happening when you get present to all of it. This means you're more sane, and more equipped to think clearly. (Delusion is so messy.)

Great answer #2: Since presence means tuning in to ALL that is, you get to choose your focus. That's actually a lot of power—just be willing to be sloppy and graceless for a minute; elegance will gradually increase. Your choice in focus will allow you to respond more often than you react, which includes responding kindly to your own reactivity when it grabs the reins. Presence means you're here in time and space, alert to what's actually happening, accepting it and responding to it authentically (including moving toward what you want more of and away from what you want less of).

Great answer #3: Presence also allows you to make choices, draw boundaries, and note when you need a break, a reset button, or any form of self-care. Presence allows for swift course-correction.

Swift course-correction is one of my favorite things to play with. Never beat yourself up for noticing you're not present. Then there's no pain in finding yourself off-track (you WILL sometimes find yourself off-track): with no judgment, you get to simply and quickly course-correct as awareness comes in. A neutral metaphor from Abraham-Hicks is the rumble strip on the freeway: as soon as you feel the tires go bumpety-bump-bump-bump, just veer back into your lane. No need to self-chastize or agonize over being on the rumble strip again. (One of my favorite simple phrases to go to: There's no problem.)


RECIPES BEGIN HERE

Recipe for Letting Go of Control (the disaster-zone metaphor that puts it all in perspective)

1. Go into the scene mentally giving everyone permission to do what they do.
2. Pretend each character is a force of nature (they all are).
3. Pretend you're in a disaster zone, so your mobility is compromised, your usual comforts are gone, it's a total mess with no end in sight, and you've got two jobs:
   1. Watch for how you might get your needs met, and keep finding what supports you; keep noticing that you're okay, really.
   2. Watch for how you can help or alleviate the suffering of those around you. You're not bigger than all that's happening in the disaster zone. You're not God, if you will. But you can offer some ease, humor, physical help with tasks, compassion, kindness.

This will set you up nicely for having no expectations of comfort. By and large, people don't rail at tsunamis and earthquakes. They surrender to what's happening, get help, offer support to one another. So surrender. Learn what's possible in the midst of all the crazy factors that are just way beyond your control.

Recipe for Presence
Use these three steps to COME BACK to presence. (They can be gone through over and over and over. If you think it's not working, this could simply mean that you're not willing to go through them one more time, now.)

1. Ground yourself: Tune in to your feet on the ground; feel your body in the furniture. Feel the connection. Now you're more in your body.
2. Connect to your senses: Pleasant or unpleasant, there are things to see, hear, feel, smell, taste (and aren't you charmed if you have access to all five of those?). So go through them, one more time. Now your bodily senses are activated and informing you about what's actually happening (not about stories from past or bleak predictions of future—no need to predict even the next hour).
3. Connect to the breath: Watching your breath go in and out, you come to the core of you. In other words, you get centered or you recenter. You slow the breath down and actively, consciously feel its soothing effects. As you do this, the breath naturally slows and elongates. Now your entire nervous system thanks you.

Recipe for Being at Ease
Know, going in, some basic things about ease. (Think of ease as closely related to personal power. Picture a large cat: ease; power.) Periodically remind yourself of these. Note that the recipe for presence pairs well with the one for ease.

1. You don't have to smile and—counter to what you were told growing up—there's no special virtue in smiling. Notice when smiling makes you feel worse, not better; fake, not engaging.
2. Take solace in plain face, and connect to people from a more authentic place by not arranging your features (thus tensing) to convey something to them. (Needless things we try to convey to others through facial efforts: I'm nice, I'm safe, you're fine, you can trust me, I'm really listening, etc. All of those things can be conveyed or gotten to organically, in good time, with no straining whatsoever. With no effort on your part, they take over the face and express in countless ways when they're actually needed and authentically operative.)
3. Eat slowly. Chew a lot. Enjoy the food you eat by really tasting and experiencing it, by noticing when more feels bad, not good. Just put your fork down for a moment and breathe into your belly—the food will still be there when you pick it up. On top of whatever you're navigating, why add the physical discomfort brought about by unconscious eating? (Here's a blog post with 6 Conscious-Eating Tips.)
4. Apply #3 to anything else that could throw you off—alcohol, sugar, sarcasm.

Recipe for Connecting to Others You May Not Typically or Easily Connect With
This one likely boils down to, Be quiet if you have little or nothing to say and be real when you speak.

1. More than anything, use eyes and alert senses to connect—notice how you use face arrangements, tension, words and word formulas, and drop instead into silence and sensing.
2. Listen more to connect. Listen for something new. Listen for something you're curious about. Listen inside for what sparks you to really want to speak.
3. Tell the truth in conversation or be quiet, but don't pretend. Pretending is too costly of your inner resources.
4. Follow your interests—go for what you actually want to ask and talk about. It's such a relief to let go of formulas and expectations in conversation. (You can literally say, "I don't want to answer that question. I want to talk about this instead." Well, I've done it, anyway.)

Recipe for Not Being Driven Insane by the Ones Who Drive You Insane
This makes a game of the whole thing. What if you were having fun with your aversions and judgments instead of by turns indulging them and feeling bad about them?

1. Go into the scene mentally giving everyone permission to do what they do.
2. Do not be shocked or outraged by the nonsurprising same-old-same-old. Do not bristle against what you knew you signed up for by agreeing to enter the scene.
3. When someone predictably plays their role perfectly, or even generates the best self-caricature you've ever seen, admire that! Be in awe of how they nail it every time—even still surprise you when you think you've seen all their tricks! Mentally give them an award if they outdo themselves. (Hell, you could even sit around making an actual award if you want something to do with your hands besides wring them or shove more food and drink in your face.)
4. For the royally challenging one, keep a piece of paper in your pocket with the predictable and (potentially) maddening things they do already written down. During private moments, check them off. (If no prep time in advance, you can note them as they happen.) If you want to create a point system and perhaps rewards (rewards for you!) at various point levels—go for it.

Recipe for Connecting to Source, Self, and Others

1. Follow the above recipes. You're already connected, so these are no more than tactics to reassert your own awareness of that connection.
2. Stay alert to the magic: signs and symbols, gorgeous timing, fun with words and numbers, echoes, repetition--all manner of synchronicity. My magic program (taped on 11-11 at 11) can support you in that, during holidays and beyond.
3. Forgive yourself for anything. Forgive others for everything.​

Love and blessings, Jaya

P.S. A recipe for the gratitude-intolerant also exists on this blog.